Critique my landing page- Please help!

9 replies
MP45 dot com (sorry I don't have enough posts to leave link).

Thoughts? Any feedback would be much appreciated. Thanks!
#critique #landing #page
  • Profile picture of the author Jason Kanigan
    Hard on the eyes.

    The two column thing doesn't often work well, in my opinion.

    Your images jumped onto the screen late, loading about 20 seconds after the text. I thought I had been bumped to another page.

    Your bottom-most image covers up the final yellow point on the left.

    Very bottom with the 2 vids is too busy as well.

    Your white text on the right is too detailed and too small. Try for more bullet points here, especially about your own stats. HIST needs to be highlighted more...that it is the subject, and its benefits.
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  • Profile picture of the author MuscleProdigy
    Thanks for that. I will consider using many of your suggestions. Any other suggestions would be much appreciated! What does everyone think?
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    • Profile picture of the author HealthEnclave
      Best Advice that I could give you to as a Fellow Vendor is ,

      Although Graphically And Visually a Landing page might seem GREAT !! But it simply doesn't matter ... Because what really matter is making a SALE !

      If you had a Crappy looking Text Based Landing Page giving you 15 % Conversions VS a Beautiful looking poorly converting Landing page , which would you choose ? Yeah it's a DUMB Question.

      But a lot of Vendors (Our Former Self Included) are making the same mistake.

      I would advice you the following >>

      (A) Analyze the best selling landing pages and compare with yours. You will see a pattern in all the TOP SELLING landing pages

      (B) You'll need to Create a New Landing page from scratch (I know it's painful) with a new Copywriter + designer . Along the Lines what is PROVEN to be highly converting

      You need to create a new video and script must be COPY-WRITTEN with you explaining (Address the Problem , Stir the Emotions, Give the Solution)

      eg: themusclemaximizer.com/freeinfo.php
      vincedelmontefitness.com/welcome-presentation.php

      Those 2 are the TOP most selling programs

      All the taking the presenters are doing is copy-written !!

      (C) Your current video is SUPER AWESOME.. But guess what ?? It won't make a SINGLE SALE !!!

      After you have your New Landing Page and everything. Your current video will act as the a traffic generator on YouTube and Social Media.

      If you could make this video viral and link your Landing page to the video. This way you could generate a good amount of traffic for almost nothing (except the video cost)

      But to be shared , it needs to have a viral factor. Also needs to make an emotional connection. You could also tell a story or something.

      (D) Your current landing page will not give you almost ANY sales. Not trying to discourage you or be Rude.

      You need to spend time analyzing other great landing pages and notice the pattern


      eg: themusclemaximizer.com/freeinfo.php
      vincedelmontefitness.com/welcome-presentation.php

      The videos on the links above is basically the text in this link

      Yeastinfectionnomore.com/Yeast-Infection-Candida-Cure.html?

      Just to make a point.

      Hope all this info work and help you.
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  • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
    1. To compete in this market, you'll have to amp up the language--a lot. Head down to Barnes & Noble and take a look at the muscle magazine ads for supplements. They have the language you want.

    Check out http://www.dragondoor.com They market Russian Kettlebell training. Their copy is not as strong as the muscle mags, but it still converts VERY well.

    2. Get rid of the iframe and ut the copy directly on the page.

    3. You need to differentiate yourself. You need a "hook."

    4. Get rid of the multiple line paragraphs--break them to be two sentences each. Maybe one.

    5. The yellow bullets need major work. They need to build more curiousity. They gotta make you say to yourself "I gotta know that!"

    6. Your price point should be tested first at $47.00. Tests have proven a price ending in "7", consistently out-converts those that end with "9" or "5".

    7. Why did you bury the comparison chart in the about page?

    8. It looks like there are no videos. Exactly, what are people getting?

    9. Do you have a one-time offer? You should. It could double your average customer value.

    All in all, I appreciate the effort you put into this. It shows. But you have a long way to go in terms of conversion.

    Some of it's graphics, some navigation and some copy-related.

    Good luck and best of success,

    - Rick Duris
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    • Profile picture of the author MuscleProdigy
      Thanks for all that input. Can't wait to see what others have to say as I am certainly using your suggestions.
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  • Profile picture of the author Centurian
    Originally Posted by MuscleProdigy View Post

    MP45 dot com (sorry I don't have enough posts to leave link).

    Thoughts? Any feedback would be much appreciated. Thanks!
    You can add your website link in your signature. Just create a sig and type your domain there to click through.

    I would concur with most of the suggestions left by posts above. Great comments. I'd execute them.

    You can find a great graphic designer on the WF to lay out a new page design with your copy, too. You can post an ad in the Warriors for Hire section for $5. Then with your link they can give you bids.
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    • Profile picture of the author MuscleProdigy
      Originally Posted by Centurian View Post

      You can add your website link in your signature. Just create a sig and type your domain there to click through.

      I would concur with most of the suggestions left by posts above. Great comments. I'd execute them.

      You can find a great graphic designer on the WF to lay out a new page design with your copy, too. You can post an ad in the Warriors for Hire section for $5. Then with your link they can give you bids.
      I'll check that out, thanks
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      • Profile picture of the author Content Creator
        I like it.
        the youtube video of the guy working out is very nice.
        It looks different and that is a good think.
        The guy sounds like the retard on the "Office" though.
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  • Profile picture of the author John Galt
    Great attempt here, Muscle. I agree with many of the comments above, especially nixing the iframe and the two-frame approach. Here are a couple of copy-related suggestions based on a quick skim -

    * Include a guarantee.
    * Unless you're testing the copy separate from the price , put it on the page. And justify it.
    * If you are testing price, I wouldn't test it first. I'd match similar products that are selling well, and split headlines and offers first.
    * Some of those before and after shots are killer. That Amer dude looks like I freak (that picture alone could sell a copy or two). I'd make them more prominent, preferably before the call-to-action.

    Good luck.
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