9 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}
9 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}

Please critic my sales letter :)

by Dennis Cheesman
8 replies
Hi Warriors,

Can you please look over my sales letter and give me your thoughts?

I had it reviewed earlier and have made some of the changes. How does the headline and subheadline look?

Here is the site:
http://www.trafficassociation.com/

I really appreciate any help as I want this site to convert really well

Best regards,
Dennis
#critic #letter #sales
  • Profile picture of the author Raydal
    Originally Posted by Dennis Cheesman View Post

    Hi Warriors,

    Can you please look over my sales letter and give me your thoughts?

    I had it reviewed earlier and have made some of the changes. How does the headline and subheadline look?

    Here is the site:
    Traffic Association!

    I really appreciate any help as I want this site to convert really well

    Best regards,
    Dennis
    Where's the link??

    -Ray
    Signature
    The most powerful and concentrated copywriting training online today bar none! Autoresponder Writing Email SECRETS
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[498771].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Raydal
    I can give you one 'editing' tip that will strengthen your copy right away:

    Go through the copy and remove the word THAT where it would not
    affect the meaning of the sentence when removed. You have a total
    of 39 "thats" and this makes the copy sound soft and academic.

    For example,

    In fact, I'm so confident you'll never look back once you've seen everything XXX Traffic Association has to offer, XXX I'll let you try it for a full two months - risk free.

    I removed the "that" with XXX. (Read with and without and see the difference)

    Some other examples pulled randomly from your copy:

     Can you see the value of Traffic Association yet? Can you see how you will benefit from all XXX we have to offer?

    This is just a few of the results... I can guarantee you will see results like the above and better, because this system was built on the foundation XXX the search engines rely on....

    Every one knows XXX more traffic equals more sales - get more sales and increase your profit from the traffic increase!

    -Ray Edwards
    Signature
    The most powerful and concentrated copywriting training online today bar none! Autoresponder Writing Email SECRETS
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[498910].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Cheesman
    Wow thanks Ray.....

    I am going to go through and remove the "thats" where not needed like you said..

    I really appreciate you taking the time to review it..

    Dennis
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[498934].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author J. Barry Mandel
    Good work Dennis. Lots of revisions, but it looks like the only thing you have left to add is more social proof. If you need another testi let me know...

    Best of luck!
    Signature
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[498946].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Cheesman
    Hello Justin,

    I already have a spot reserved just for you

    Ray also I forgot to add YOU to if you are interested...

    If you can both just email me here:
    dennisjc @ embarqmail.com

    So I can send you the register details.

    I really appreciate all the help!!

    Best regards,
    Dennis
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[498952].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Cheesman
    Ok Ray,

    I went through and changed what you suggested and a couple more I found and it seems it flows a little smoother

    Man you learn something new everyday

    Does the headline and subheadline work ok?

    Dennis
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[499068].message }}

Trending Topics