First Attempt at Writing a Sales Page - Looking for Suggestions and Feeback

6 replies
Hi there,

I am new to the internet marketing niche, and have spent some considerable time researching and learning as much as I possibly can about a small handful of important aspects.

An IM friend of mine with far more experience told me to start by learning how to write sales copy, since I'm a freelance writer already. He shared a few books of his with me, so I could learn more about how to do this.

After reading, I decided to take a stab at it...I haven't created the product yet (though I may end up doing that at some point). This was just to get some feedback on the overall effectiveness of what I wrote in order to pitch the idea.

Since I have published an eBook on Amazon, I decided the product would be a guide on how to market yourself as an independent author, since I've had some success with that...

I created a Squidoo lens for the sales page, I would love some feedback and general first impressions from anyone who has time to check it out: Make Money Self-Publishing

Thanks in advance for your help. I have read through the checklist for critiques, and will just say upfront that I haven't optimized a stellar headline yet, but was hoping to get some advice on what I have already written. I am still brainstorming on the best headline, in the mean time.

Also, I may have used a bit more bold text than is recommended in the checklist...but in m opinion, it helps improve the appearance of the text within the formatting limitations of Squidoo's lenses. If I'm way off on that point, feel free to challenge it and kindly inform me of my own stupidity. Again, I'm very new to all this...
#attempt #feeback #page #sales #suggestions #writing
  • Profile picture of the author OutOfThisWord
    Ashly, certainly the comments from readers confirm that you offer some valuable info.

    I would work on the following...

    ...more compelling headline.

    ...more compelling sub-headlines so skimmers can get it.

    ...not so many pictures unless they relate directly to something being stated in the copy and if they do, they deserve a caption.

    Good luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author robchapman
    Hi Ash,

    If that was your first attempt at a sales copy, great job. Ive seen a lot worse, so you are definitely on the right track.

    My suggestions:

    -add more detail to your headline that will immediately catch the attention of the reader (for example: Discover how I made $xxxx.xx last month by self publishing my own ebook.)

    -make the sub headings stand out more for the readers who skim, like suggested by OutofThisWorld

    -also like OutofThisWorld suggested, you may want to remove some of the pictures to create a better flow to the sales letter.

    -consider adding a pre-heading, which is a one or two sentence comment just above the main headline. Take a look at some of the Warrior Special Offer pages to see what I am talking about.

    -once you receive some, definitely add testimonials to the page to add value to the product.

    -also consider adding a section on what you will find in your course using bullet points. That way readers will know what they are about to purchase.

    Overall great job!!
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  • Profile picture of the author max5ty
    You're a good writer...that's evident.

    But I don't consider that a sales letter...it's an article.

    I know you're calling it a sales letter because you're selling something...but you've got an article there that's selling something.
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    Ashly,

    I found it very interesting. BUT...all the way through i was asking myself "OK - so what's she published?...where's the credibility?". Its only at the end where you read "Female escort, freelance writer" in the pic and then a bit further down you link to the book on Amazon - Amazon.com: Sex, Drugs & Being an Escort...Amazon.com: Sex, Drugs & Being an Escort...
    But why so coy? Why no cover shot of the book? And at least a head shot (no pun intended).

    Good job. For a Squidoo. You need to reformat for a salespage. Sure to be a winner. Done right.

    cheers,
    That Copy Nazi Guy
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    • Profile picture of the author Grain
      I agree, I like the manner you "opened" the sale.
      It would seem the tested type which can draw in
      high readership.

      You'd never know until you test out the page
      actually, but I suggest cleaning up your first
      headline a little.

      It's not boring, but it seems to hold TWO ideas at
      the same time instead of just ONE interesting one...

      ..."How To Sell Copies Of Your Writing As An E-Book
      In Under a Week" would sound more concise.

      Cleaner to read = Easier to read = Higher Readership

      Think about magazines. How do they usually sculpt
      their headlines?

      They use very simple words which sound personal
      or "hot".

      Also, the first few paragraphs are great, but I think
      if you could start off from exactly where the
      prospect is after reading, it would capture a deeper
      interest in reading your page.

      Try an intriguing quote or a short one-sentence
      introduction about Self-publishing instead of talking
      immediately about how easy it is to self-publish.

      About formatting...

      ... I wouldn't like outbound links from my article at
      the side if I was trying to pitch anything. The reader
      might click away to something more interesting to
      him. So Squidoo may not be a good choice.

      90% value, 10% pitch - That's the healthy balance
      of online sales pages, unlike direct mail, so you need
      to take note of that to "give value".

      You "open" very well, but you close pretty horribly.

      If you're going to pitch at the end, people will
      definitely detect the sales attempt anyway. So try
      to make a masterful close.

      No modern internet salespage is done without a good
      close with undeniable proof, credentials and crazy
      confidence (guarantees).

      Kind Regards,
      Grain.
      Signature

      Kind Regards,
      Grain.

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  • Profile picture of the author David Mcalorum
    You actually did a pretty good job.
    Although, I skimmed through most of it.
    Lets begin with the squidoo page.
    That starts the first impression with making you
    look not that professional, considering
    "why should I buy from this person who makes all
    this money and then just puts their sales copy on a
    free web 2.0 platform?" Try getting a cheap .info domain.
    Just a thought.

    I also agree that there should be less images.
    And if your going to use images, they have to look
    super pro. About 90% of the ones that you show
    look like they were taken from the public domain.
    (nothing wrong with that, just choose better looking ones)

    Now to the copy;
    -I was confused as to what your actually selling,
    so its good to get a good bullet list driving home all
    the benefits of what you are offering.
    -Its also a good idea to weave the whole thing into
    a story, where you were "in their situation not too long ago,
    until you found out _____ . Now this has allowed you to ______
    Which has now put you in the position where _________ " ect ect.
    -How can you sweeten the deal? What besides a pdf can you give them
    (audio, video, call in days, free support, weekly webinars, quick start guides,
    cheet sheets, mind maps, software, free coaching, all or some of another product)
    Really try and sweeten the deal.
    -Add some scarcity in there, i.e - limited quantities as part of a marketing test,
    or a "testimonial launch" Its always a good idea to have a good reason for your scarcity. Which should be authentic
    -Risk reversal - the art of crafting a killer guarantee. I.e Unconditional guarantee & conditional guarantee's.
    -Figure out your ideal prospect - this is pretty easy stuff. Take a look in forums, and in similar sales pages/testimonials ect.
    -Offer any form of proof that you can. Testimonials, hard facts, quotes from industry leaders ect.
    -Got a hook? Hooks are what is going to make your page interesting to read by capturing the prospects attention. John Carlton teaches (as one example) "incongruent juxtaposition" the art of putting two things together that naturally wouldn't go together otherwise.

    Now, you can mix and match these all you want.
    Make sure to read and reread it over again, to make sure you
    got a certain flow going.

    A few more words of advice would be to
    Write every day! Naturally, writing everyday is just going
    to make you a better writer.

    Write more sales pages! Look, you have already proven yourself
    by actually getting off you a** and writing your first letter. That takes
    a lot of courage and discipline. the good news is it only gets better from
    here IF you keep at it. You might have some flops here or there, but
    the more you keep at it, the more likely your hard work is to pay off for you.
    Marketing after all, is a numbers game.

    Hope this helps.
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