Help with Sales Letter

A $7 product immediately made me groan. That's the price
of one expensive cup of premium coffee...

... Wait. You would use that amount for a cup of coffee
instead of buying your own report. You want to know why?

Imagine the mellow froth, the soft brown swirling in a cup of
pearl white slipping down the sides of your tongue as you
take in a hungry sip...

... An aromatic satisfaction you get every single time you
drink a cup of coffee. A subtle and delicate tinge of
happiness... Of satisfaction... Of comfort!

Here's what I felt when I saw your wall of text instead.

Water Chugging Down A Pipe.

Now let me explain it away if it sounds offensive... If it was
meant to be coffee, it didn't LOOK like coffee. I'd rather
drink a cup of coffee than read your salesletter.

That's horribly bad.

In an ADD society, you need to capture attention. You need
to force your prospects to lock on to your internet sales
letter from the "open" to the "close" of the sale.

Your headline should give a general "idea" of what you're
going to sell. If not, it should pull in the prospect to read
more... But look!

Your grammar isn't right. There's nothing left of the headline.

I'm not here to judge anyone... but if you're really a very
successful Online Marketing Consultant... You wouldn't be
selling your expertise and livelihood at just $7.

Coca Cola took over decades for its secret recipe to be
leaked out. You took... $7.

Here's the bigger problem. Your credibility is on fire.

On the Internet, your customers cannot see you. But that
doesn't mean they are brainless! If you have real, tangible
proof that your customers can see...

... That's proof of your expertise!

I suggest you give your product the complete overhaul.

For $7, you're much better off selling ONE single powerful
strategy that people can immediately utilize than sell
your whole secret recipe.

Use it as your front-end to draw in leads into a specialized
funnel. Or even better... Give it away.

Alright, if I were to comment on the copy itself without
looking at the offer/product... It's pretty horrible.

You're not doing it wrong... You're just not doing it
right enough. You probably know you're trying to use the...

Problem -> Secret Method -> Resolution

...framework which many others preach. It's overused, yes,
but still effective. Not in your copy though.

If you're going to build rapport, build it in the Problem stage.

If you're going to do it right... Agitate the problem even more.

If you're going to do a turning point... Make it a EUREKA
moment. Hell, make it the biggest flip ever. Make it realistic.
Make it gradual if you want.

Okay, I realized that you might have the thought here... BUT
I'm selling it for $97 in the future!

That's the problem.

The more expensive the product, the longer the copy, the
more benefits, the more value it needs to "hold".

Your copy should have its respective subheadings and
components.

You need reasons to back up your guarantee and radical
price reduction.

You need to slow down.

You're in a rush to sell things.

That's wrong. It's not about you. No customer gives a damn
about you. It's not about your wallet.

It's about the customer, and it always has been.

I think I'll wait for your reply before I decide to give real
value... Do you really have credentials or are you
providing a bad product?

I certainly hope it's just a bad-in-english case. That way,
you'll be better off hiring a web copywriter.

Kind Regards,
Grain.

Here is a great resource for making killer copy;

Halbert Newsletter Archives
Hope this helps.

All the best,

-Dave

Hi bestrendz

Overall its not bad at all but after reading your sales copy, I'm still confused to what you are really offering. I think it's important that you explain more in detail what you are offering without obviously revealing the end product.

I realize you still got to add some pictures that will improve the overall appearance and i would suggest you go out of your way there as well, because people sometimes judge your offer by that and if they don't like what they see, they won't even bother to read.

Anyway, great job and good luck.

Nelio

There are a couple of things that can improve your sales letter INSTANTLY.

Your Formatting

Your fonts are too inconsistent.

Some of them are too big, some of them look too small.

You are mixing in serif font with your san-serif font.

Nix that.

Use two fonts AT MOST, but both of them should be san-serif.

Which fonts should you use? Arial, Verdana, and Georgia are very popular and look great.

Pick 1-2 of those fonts, and use them consistently throughout (i.e. Georgia for the headlines and subheadlines, Arial for body copy).

I suggest scaling down your body copy's font size to 12 px. Right now, it looks too big and overwhelming.

Color:

Use red very sparingly. Right now you have a big block of text in your body copy that's all red. It's too much.

Pick out the truly important parts in that block and bold it.

Save red for headlines and subheadlines.

Bullet points:

Have bullets in front of your bullet points to make them stand out

Add subheadlines to help skimmers read your copy.

Your Headline:

It's a bit long-winded and hard to follow.

Remember to make it EASY for people to read your stuff...so that they'll actually read it!

I have some blog posts that gives more techniques and tips to consider when writing your ad copy if you want to learn it in more detail.

HTH :-)

When creating your sales letter, you want to give them all of the reasons why they must have your product or service. Tell them how your product or service can benefit them, how it can help them, or how easy it is to use.