Thoughts On My Sales Page

You need a serious re-design.
maybe you writing is good, but your graphics sucks .
I spend more than 30 seconds on reading the site because i wanted to help you, but usually when i see this kind of sites, i close them right away.

From the "buyer view": if you can help yourself with making a nice sales letter, then don't expect to give you my money to teach me.

Now, there are a lot of things to explain, i must write a whole article about all mistakes... if you are interested hit me and maybe i can help you somehow.

Cheers !

Unfortunately, you need to rewrite your sales letter.

Find Melvin Powers' books on mail order and classified ads...he has some great ads and sales letters in those books on selling particular books. I would model those sales letters and ads to sell your ebook.

I second the redesign. For someone to take out their credit card online, there needs to be a level of trust for you. The way your site is designed right now looks so unprofessional, I just wouldn't feel comfortable handing you my credit card.

Andy....there's a huge chunk of 'clever' copy that is a complete turn off.

Take the advice of Dan Kennedy (arguably one of the worlds smartest marketers.....and I'm paraphrasing here "write so that a nine year old will understand exactly what you are saying"

Humour and 'clever' stuff mostly just don't work.

Start at the top with a "benefit laden headline" that will force them to read on.

Then a sub head that will lead them into the copy.

Pile on the benefits.....tell them who you are......tell them how come you know all this stuff....

Google for how to write great web copy.

Keep learning tweaking and testing.....

Get rid of the black colour on your text, seriously. Would be so much more appealing with some other colour.

I tried to read from the beginning to the end, but , honestly, after the first paragraph I scrolled down the page, I've noticed pretty bad and common graphics, some wana-be humor which some people won't understand and I suddenly had the impulse to close the browser. Too much complicated explanations about the product; even if I'll be interested in something like this I'll look somewhere else for it. Sorry, I think you'll have to re-design and re-write it.
Cheers,
Ovi

Appreciate the insights on the re-design. Should have that mostly done by the end of the weekend.

Gigantor love the first paragraph. It captures everything nicely.

you should be split testing the page... and you need a LOT more than 100 visitors before you even start to worry...

Dave- 100% agree with you on split testing, but I need a good base to start testing from.

Gigantor- that is interesting, but most of my brand revolves around social networking. That might be a good split test.

lol ....oh no you dont.

sorry dude, thats a load of bs you're telling yourself.

start from where you're at now.

copy the page.

change the headline

load it into google website optimizer

wait for the results.

the winner just increased your income/conversions.

then do the same thing again... and again.

this sh!t isn't rocket science... you just gotta grow a pair, stop making excuses and just do what works.

any questions?

I was confused by your copy. What you're selling didn't really crystallize for me until I read half-way down the page. Here's the phrase that "turned the light on" for me: and start social networking to get clients.

I just wrote a 'be your own copywriter' page on my site about this. If you're interested, read the part that says 'Hello down there - you buried the lead.' -- Sale Copy Writing Tips for the DIY Copywriter | CopyClique

Here's what I experienced when reading your site...

-- Is this something that's just for teachers?

-- Internal screaming... what is causing this? It is not clear what would cause it.

-- Technology babble? What's so hard for teachers about using Facebook or whatever? Just signup and write your friends a message, right?

Like I said, half-way down I got some clarity about what you were offering: how to get clients via social networking.

My suggestions:

-- Consider taking the ex-teacher part out of your headline. Or just explain better what a teacher has to do with screaming due to social networking. Right now, the two points don't connect.

-- If you really want to keep the "ex-teacher" part, I would make it something like "How an Ex-Teacher Became a Top Internet Marketer... Learn His Social Networking Techniques to Double Your Online Sales, Regardless of What You're Selling."

-- If you must use the term "internal screaming," you haven't really explained what is so upsetting. You talk about "technology," but technology isn't the real problem, I don't think. Not knowing how to do MARKETING on social networks seems to be what would frustrate people.

-- I would also clarify that it doesn't matter what you're trying to sell, whether you're selling a beauty product or your consultation services... These are some little-known MARKETING strategies or techniques that can double your effectiveness or whatever.

Hope this somehow helps!

I agree with the sentiment about your design. It can be very easily fixed though.

Your Design

You need to make it EASY for people to buy from you...and PAINLESS for them to read your sales letter.

Break up your paragraphs more so that it's not a huge chunk of text that looks intimidating to the viewer.

Add some colors to it (but no more than two).

Bold some of the text to make it stand out.

Put some subheadlines to cater to skimmers AND make it look reader-friendly.

Your Headline

Keep in mind this rule:

The purpose of your headline is to get the right people to read the rest of your ad.

So before you even rewrite it, do some research to find out the kinds of people that would want to buy your product. Do keyword research, search forum posts, search Amazon reviews, etc.

Once you have compiled those hot buttons that would really speak to your target market, write out a 2-4 paragraph profile about your most likely customer.

Example Customer Profile:

John is a 36 year old business owner who is not very tech savvy. He wants to establish an online presence, but doesn't know how....

Then you write your copy ONLY to John. This will help you really get into the "me-and-you" speak and bring the audience to life in your mind.

To make them read further than your headline:

Promise them a reward for reading the ad...either directly or indirectly.

I also have a blog post on creating headlines and first paragraphs on my blog, if you want to see more detailed techniques and tips.

HTH :-)

Grab yourself a copy of OptimizePress, get a classy header designed and rebuild man..

BUT as Dave said, use your current version as your control in a split test. Whilst everyone here has ideas and experience, we aren't the one's who's gonna buy the product, so the only way to really know is to get real buyers in front of the page.. And 100 views isn't enough to get any real ideas.. You need a minimum 1000 hits before you start worrying.

And that's 1000 targeted hits man, not 1000 hits from adf.ly or some other junk site!

Matt

The very first thing, the design is literally repelling me off not to read the copy. Get the design right!

And as per the AWAI review system, your head and lead are both 0.1, which means the lowest you can get.

Hello,

That is fantastic design i like this.....