Need a Sales letter Critique

7 replies
Hi folks!

WebsiteFlipping.com - Website "Flipping"*Exposed!

Here's a sales letter for my report on website flipping. I know the graphics suck. What I need are any and all ideas about improving the general approach of the letter. Am I talking to the right market in the right way? Also, particulars about what I'm saying...the details.

Don't hold back. Any and all criticism will be greatly appreciated.

(And if you have any thoughts about good graphics, let me know, too!

Thanks!

Lee
#critique #letter #sales
  • Profile picture of the author Sarah Johnson
    I would change the headline and subhead. I tend to get suspicious of claims to get rich fast. So I started off reading the letter with a bit of defense up...which is not how you want your readers to be. I would take a different angle for the headline.

    The idea for the subhead is good, but I would streamline it a bit. It is a bit chuncky and hard to read.

    I would also tweek the subheads throughout the letter (at least I think they are subheads...the stuff in bold.) It was kind of hard to find them and you really want them sticking out so that skimmers will catch them. They should tell a story of their own. Almost like a letter within a letter.

    Overall, I think it looks pretty good. Good luck!

    ~Sarah Johnson
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  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    Find out 17 secrets a teenage website flipper has been hiding-- until now.

    "Confessions of A Teenage Website Flipper"
    "Teenage Site-Flipping Genius Spills His Secrets"
    "Site-Flipping Prodigy Tells All"

    See? Shorter, punchier, more curious-er.

    The problem is the specificity of "site-flipping" so you'll
    need to focus your traffic only on people who are actively
    searching for and ready to buy the right information about
    how to flip sites for profit reliably.

    BTW - I didn't even look at your site. I just read the
    headline Onslaught quoted above.
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  • Profile picture of the author absolutelee
    Hi guys!

    Onslaught: I agree about the debt. Well, I agree with everything you said, but especially about the debt.

    Sarah: You know it's a forest for the trees type thing. Now that you've said it, I can really see the thing about the sub-heads

    Loren: You're one the money about the headline.

    Great input. I'll factor all this in. Hopefully, I can return the favor sometime soon.

    Lee
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  • Profile picture of the author jasondinner
    Without completely diving in, one thing stands out to me above all else
    after a quick skim.

    Your proof in your first P.S.

    What good will it do you all the way at the bottom of your sales page
    when most of your visitors won't even make it that far!!!!!

    Bring that all the way to the top of your salesletter somewhere...

    ...maybe even right below your headline and subheadline or as close to
    above the fold as possible.

    Proof that what you want them to buy from you WORKS will certainly help
    boost your conversions -- It can't hurt.

    Give them your best selling points as far up the letter as possible.

    Just look at any random you see in the clickbank marketplace that
    promises you will make gobbs of money.

    In most cases, the income proof is at the top of the letter, many times
    above the fold.

    There's a reason why - because it helps conversions mightily.

    Hope this helps
    Jason
    Signature

    "Human thoughts have the tendency to transform themselves into their physical equivalent." Earl Nightingale

    Super Affiliates Hang Out Here

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  • Profile picture of the author absolutelee
    Jason, Great advice! Thanks!
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  • Profile picture of the author David Raybould
    Hi Lee,

    Well there's definitely a market for this thing so I think you're on the right track.

    A couple of points jumped out though...

    The subhead under the main headline doesn't sit quite right with me...first of all it's too long. Also, asking another question destroys the rhythm you started with the punchy headline.

    If you're keeping the headline, I'd go with something like :

    "18 Year Old Kuala Lumpur Kid Makes $1000 A Week Working 3 hrs/day Online...And It's So Simple Anyone Can Do It"

    It's a bit cheesy but hopefully you get the point. I removed the mention of website flipping also, as if they don't know what that means, you're losing them at hello.

    Also, with your bullets, try and nail down your prospect and make him imagine the exact benefits the product will have for him...if he can picture the product in his life, you're halfway there...

    Hope that helps Lee...

    David
    Signature
    Killer Emails. Cash-spewing VSLs. Turbocharged Landing Pages.

    Whatever you need, my high converting copy puts more money in your pocket. PM for details. 10 years experience and 9 figure revenues.
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