I need YOUR help...

The design is o.k.

Mr. Subtle is the most famous direct response designer on the forum

I think you have some copy problems though, practically fell asleep scrolling through it

Go buy this new WSO from Russ Ruffino and his partner. Exactly what you need. At $7.50 dime sale - going to $17. http://www.warriorforum.com/warrior-...laybook.html#1

lol... subtle is good, but i beg to differ :-)

the logo takes up almost the whole first screen... HUGE mistake.... clicked off right away.

Overall I found the pitch too vague, and tired.

Make your headline about your prospect, not about yourself.

What's the difference between "true PROFESSIONAL SEO SERVICES" - and otherwise. You mention panda slap - but where's the why and how?

What can I really expect from you? Both results wise, and process wise.

Where's your hook?

Make your copy about your prospect, not about yourself.
Here's an example of what I mean.
You have: Furthermore our links are "time released" for a natural appearance and have up to an 80-95% index rate.
Change too: Your links will be "time released" - they will look natural (so big bad Google doesn't shut you down). Plus they will get indexed 80-95% of the time. I dare you to try and get those numbers anywhere else.

Notice how the shift from "our links" to "your links" - this shifts the spotlight from you (bad) to your reader (good).

Another note - your writing is just bland in general - a lot of claims that have no substance. Plus the way you word your sentences is tiring, and pitiful.

You don't clearly move from one idea to another, plus you do it in bad order. Your entire page seems like a hodgepodge of vague ideas. Also you use subheads badly.


I don't mean to be a bully train - but if you really want people to read more, make the writing worth reading.

Also I found your graphics disruptive - when I got to the three options I didn't even know what the hell was going on. It took me a few tries to actually see the words "option 1", "option 2", and "option 3". Because the graphics hide those words.

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Take the questions asked in the forum and insert them into the F.A.Q. section of the copy.

There are a lot of problems with this piece - like you know... Never even mentioning success rates, the amount of time it will take to get to spot 1, page 1.

You need more testimonials - and they need to matter- The one testimonial you have has a lot further to go before it's page ready.

I'd really suggest you hire a copywriter to rewrite this.

-Andy

Hi, Andrew

Like some of the previous posters, I find this copy a bit bland and tired.

"SEO Made Easy" isn't really a captivating enough hook. I know SEO is tiresome and a lot of people hate it, etc. (There's one for you, for example. Make sure you work that in somehow.) And the "easy button" CAN work wonders in copy. But... it ain't anything I haven't read 57 other times on this forum.

Also, it seems at odds with the hook you're really pushing, which is that crap links can get you spanked; we'll look after you with our diverse links and absence of "footprint".

You might try something like this (We can riff on this, folks)...

You can cut most of the stuff about WHAT you do; prospects are, I think, less concerned with WHAT or HOW you do it than what RESULTS they are likely to get. So the laundry list of services they don't have to pay for and all the places you're going to spam for links on their behalf can be significantly condensed.

There are -- as someone mentioned -- coherence problems with this letter. Think about the logical FLOW of ideas and how to stack one idea and hot button on top of another. There are sections that suddenly "pop up" and disrupt the flow. You need to think through the typically stages of a salesletter and just follow the "formula" until you're adept enough to play around with that formula.

Anyway, gotta run.

Hope that helps,
TheNightOwl

Honestly, I liked the layout (not talking about the copy) more the first way you had it. The graphics looked much more interesting at the very top.

Mr. Subtle did my WSO graphic and conversions immediately went up 1% (16%+ in results, from 6% to 7%--I let it run with copy only to pay for the graphic on its own merits). A big graphic taking up a lot of space. No problem.

Headline needs work. A real dissonance between "SAFE" and "*EXPLODE*".

Why so many colors? Distracting and confusing.

I understand this is about SEO, but I think the copy takes too long to explain what's going on. I couldn't get through it.

Thanks for the ideas...

I sent an email and PM to mr. subtle but haven't heard anything back yet, maybe hes busy...

Which headline do you like best and why?


Now You Can...



Now You Can...




Now You Can...




Also, which post title do you like best?

POST TITLES:

[PROFESSIONAL SEO SERVICES] Safe, Reliable & Effective Backlink Building -- Special Warrior Pricing!

[PROFESSIONAL SEO SERVICES] Get Ranked. Get Traffic. *MAKE SALES*! Special Warrior-Only Pricing!

[PROFESSIONAL SEO SERVICES] POWERFUL, SAFE, & EFFECTIVE SEO. We Do The Work; You Get Great Results!

[PROFESSIONAL SEO SERVICES] POWERFUL, SAFE, & EFFECTIVE "Done For You" SEO. Special Warrior Pricing!

Hey Andrew,
Looking at your headlines, I gotta say...

They all fall short.

Plus it looks like you're confusing a lot of different copywriting practices. This happens a lot, and usually when somebody who's not a copywriter, tries to build a sales page by "getting ideas" from other sales pages. Would you say that's your situation? (I'm trying to help you out here).

For example your pre-heads, almost aren't pre-heads at all. And they do only a fraction of what pre-heads ought to do.
You want your pre-heads to single out prospects in the audience, and put them in the right frame of mind to absorb your headline.

It looks like you've built your post-heads into your headline. Either that you are making words in your headline bigger for reasons that are totally arbitrary (not to mention confusing, and distracting - both of which are big no-no's)

And then on top of all that - you have even more post heads that you want suggestions about. All of which fall short.

So here's where you're getting off track.

"Get Ranked High In Google!

Altitude SEO Provides Safe, Effective, And Reliable Link
Building Services That Can Help Boost Your Profits!"

This headline is about you, not your prospect. When you say Altitude SEO does X,Y,Z. This puts you front and center - not your prospect. Which is the exact opposite of what you want.

You make this mistake in every headline.

Besides that mistake - your headlines lack believably, value, and punch - because they are vague. You want to get as specific as possible.

At least if you are selling a high google ranking. You want very specific case studies, to back up all your claims.

the only testimonial you have now just talks about the number of links they received. And if that's all there is to that story, then you need to change your angle entirely.
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There are still a lot of problems in your body copy.

Hey man, I'd like too go more indepth about your copy - but there's a lot of ground to cover, and I don't have the time, or stamina to type it all out.

If you want some serious help with this, feel free to email me at AndyWilson22@gmail.com - And maybe we can Skype or something, and go into further detail about your copy.

-Andy

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