Critique my website's sales letter please

13 replies
I would like you to kindly take a look at my sales letter and critique it for me please. Here is the sales letter: Sorry, I removed its web link become I received alot of tips and advice ,that is enough to help me, from replies on this post.
#critique #letter #sales #website
  • Profile picture of the author Matt Ausin
    Come on, at least say "please"

    Other than that.. It's not really clear what it is you're selling. You're all over the place. Profits? PLR idea? Done-for-you?

    And comparing $4096 to $1... I don't think its gonna fly nowadays but that's up to split testing.

    Originally Posted by sales@plrarticlecontents View Post

    Take a look at my sales letter and critique it for me. Here is the sales letter: PLR Article Contents
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    • Originally Posted by Matt Ausin View Post

      Come on, at least say "please"

      Other than that.. It's not really clear what it is you're selling. You're all over the place. Profits? PLR idea? Done-for-you?

      And comparing $4096 to $1... I don't think its gonna fly nowadays but that's up to split testing.
      I appologize for forgeting to include the word please in my post, I was tired and in a rush to sleep when I created this post last night, that was why I forgot to include the word please. but I have included please ths time. I am grateful for your help and for critiquing my sales letter for me. I would make those changes on my sales letter ASAP
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    • Originally Posted by Matt Ausin View Post

      Come on, at least say "please"

      Other than that.. It's not really clear what it is you're selling. You're all over the place. Profits? PLR idea? Done-for-you?

      And comparing $4096 to $1... I don't think its gonna fly nowadays but that's up to split testing.
      I will make sure that my sales letter focuses on one idea alone rather than being all over the place. for example if my sales letter is about done-for-you, I should stick with that idea. I hope that is what you are talking about
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  • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
    Banned
    Originally Posted by sales@plrarticlecontents View Post

    Take a look at my sales letter and critique it for me. Here is the sales letter:
    What do you think we are, dogs to be commanded by you?

    No I will not critique your sales letter, I'm not even going to look at it, not when you tell us to do so, so rudely - no way.


    Mark Andrews
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    • Originally Posted by Mark Andrews View Post

      What do you think we are, dogs to be commanded by you?

      No I will not critique your sales letter, I'm not even going to look at it, not when you tell us to do so, so rudely - no way.


      Mark Andrews
      that is fine if you are not going to critique my sales letter. It was around 03:19 AM when I wrote this post and I was in rush to sleep last night, thus making me to I forget to edit my post to include the word please. You can see the negative effects of stress and tiredness on people. Critiquing my post over here was your first step to critiquing my sales letter and I am grateful that you critiqued my post for me so as to make my necessary corrections. I appologize if you thought that I was rude, I did not mean to be rude at all. I have included the word please in my post now
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  • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
    The headline needs work, unfortunately I just used up my copywriting feedback time on another thread, but your headline needs the same kind of rework, so maybe this will help...

    http://www.warriorforum.com/copywrit...-headline.html

    Just a tip, ditch the word "manifold." I think the only other time I was that was in the King James Translation of the New Testament. lol
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  • Profile picture of the author JoshClick
    From a graphical standpoint:
    -There needs to be more colors and a larger variety of font sizes (for different headings or levels)
    -Either make the font bigger or make the page less wide (wide and short paragraphs = ugly)
    -Check boxes are good, but you use WAYYY too many of them
    -The images are weak. Find more relevant, higher quality images or make better use of your words with LARGER headings with nicely matching colors


    Overall: I think A LOT could be improved from a graphical standpoint simply by slimming your sales letter down and using a larger font size and extra large font size for certain headers. Check out a popular WSO and you'll see what I mean.

    Good Luck!

    Josh Click
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    • Originally Posted by JoshClick View Post

      From a graphical standpoint:
      -There needs to be more colors and a larger variety of font sizes (for different headings or levels)
      -Either make the font bigger or make the page less wide (wide and short paragraphs = ugly)
      -Check boxes are good, but you use WAYYY too many of them
      -The images are weak. Find more relevant, higher quality images or make better use of your words with LARGER headings with nicely matching colors


      Overall: I think A LOT could be improved from a graphical standpoint simply by slimming your sales letter down and using a larger font size and extra large font size for certain headers. Check out a popular WSO and you'll see what I mean.

      Good Luck!

      Josh Click
      I am grateful for your honest critique from your graphical point of view. I will check the warrior special offers forum to see what you are talking about and I will make those graphical changes ASAP.
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  • Profile picture of the author JerryKuzma
    Hi mate, I just started reading your page....but here's a quick tip.

    One of the things that I do with headlines and sub-heads--whether on a webpage or a flyer--is to use carriage returns to break up the headline into phrases, so that each phrase makes sense in itself. Your reader's brain naturally tries to pause at the end of each line, so use that tendency to feed your reader logical bits of information.

    Bad example:

    Discover the Top 15 Tools used by Professional
    Toenail Designers and Give Your New
    Pedicure Career a Kick-Start

    (UGH! Bad design, and a bad career choice as well...)

    Better example:

    Discover the Top 15 Tools
    used by Professional Toenail Designers
    and Give Your New Pedicure Career
    a Kick-Start

    It reads a bit better, doesn't it?

    I will keep on reading your salespage...

    All the best,

    Jerry Kuzma
    www.JerryKuzma.com
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  • Profile picture of the author JerryKuzma
    As far as headline content, I would re-write it to put the initial emphasis on the Problem that you are offering to solve, rather than the Action that you want your prospect to take.

    Always keep it simple--simple to read, simple to understand.

    Also, your header contains 27 words that you want your reader to see, understand and process....too long. By the time I get to the end of the sentence, I forgot what was at the beginning...

    jerry
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    • Originally Posted by JerryKuzma View Post

      As far as headline content, I would re-write it to put the initial emphasis on the Problem that you are offering to solve, rather than the Action that you want your prospect to take.

      Always keep it simple--simple to read, simple to understand.

      Also, your header contains 27 words that you want your reader to see, understand and process....too long. By the time I get to the end of the sentence, I forgot what was at the beginning...

      jerry
      I am grateful for your honest critique on my headline. You gave excellent advice and you gave me more more light as to how I should polish up my sales letter's headline. I will apply the changes that you suggested for my sales letter's headline.
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  • Profile picture of the author JerryKuzma
    You're more than welcome--I appreciate your input on my input....you have a good offer on the table...I hope it goes well with you.

    jk
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