Can you critique my website's salespage please?

8 replies
Hi, do you mind reviewing my salespage? I'm currently getting about 100 unique visitors to it per day, and sold 15 copies of the e-book that I've wrote so far (I know, I know, it's not that much...). I'm having trouble selling it consistently, despite trying to follow other people's advice on copywriting.

My goal is to have a 1% conversation rate per day.

Can you help me with it? What do you see that's wrong with it and how can I improve it to get a higher response?

Here is my salespage: How To Focus Better

Thank you so much.
#critique #salespage #website
  • Profile picture of the author CabTenson
    There's not a strong emotional draw-in. I know a lot of people suffer with lack of focus and it can devastate careers and relationships, so figure out a stronger way to pull these people into your copy.

    Lose the sentence "I just wanted to get it off my chest". People don't want to think you're not taking their problem seriously.

    It's just bland. It needs excitement or tension or something.
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  • Profile picture of the author Matt Ausin
    First, before I start with the copy.. the design looks dated. It just doesn't feel like I'll be getting my $10 worth out of your book because I'm assuming it'll be the same as the design.

    Then... throw out the headline. It is vague. Confusing. And there's no way I'm reading the rest of the copy. Well, I am, but you asked for a critique. Most of your prospects won't read it.

    Your first paragraph is better than your headline. F*ck, it's almost a headline. How about that.

    "If you only have 24 hours to change your life... Here's how to acquire laser sharp focus, get rid of headaches caused by stress and start rocking it!"

    Or something like that. You get the idea.

    Make a believable, yet enticing promise.

    Then... For my taste, you're making them decide way too early in the copy. I'd become their friend first and then start demanding things.

    Your bullets need work too. This is pretty classic - you think you're explaining benefits.. but in fact, they're features.

    Umm.. Yea. Hire a copywriter. Go for any of the experienced dudes or gals here and they'll blow your copy out of the water.
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  • Profile picture of the author KimboJim
    You've got one big chunk of copy, but no headers or sections to break it up. Try breaking up the copy to make it easier to read. Also, I notice that it seems like you're telling me things, but I'm not really being drawn in.
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  • Profile picture of the author Keep Trying
    Thanks guys, this was great feedback.
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  • Profile picture of the author alfid
    The phrase "...struggling on that anything required to focus for more than 5 seconds" reminds me Dolly in "Finding Nemo".
    It's an exaggeration that does not represent any of your prospects.
    Maybe they won't continue reading because of this error.
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Two of the most powerful marketing secrets is having a secret
      and naming it.

      You are without both.

      What you have is generic and boring.

      What was the biggest aha moment that hit you
      when discovering focus and all it's benefits?

      What was the trigger point that made you go in search for this?

      What had you tried that never worked?

      What's wrong with what's being taught now?

      Direct your focus on these questions and you'll
      be on your way to a breakthrough.

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  • Profile picture of the author markpocock
    You have to be careful with questions in your headline.
    Your reader can answer "No" to both your questions so they're out of your site.

    The other problem is there's nothing different about your headline. It looks like something
    the reader has seen before. Plus, you're trying to sell to me too quick by saying you have a solution.

    Your first sentence "I was like you once."

    You can't say this. You don't know me from Adam. You might think you do.
    Your intro is all about you. It needs to be about the reader.



    Get a FREE 20 minute consultation on your sales letter. Contact me today
    And have the secrets A-List Copywriters - David Garfinkel & Parris Lampropoulos
    use in their multimillion dollar promotions

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  • Profile picture of the author knish
    You should take in consideration the color psychology.
    BLUE: The color of the sky and the ocean, blue is one of the most popular colors. It causes the opposite reaction as red. Peaceful, tranquil blue causes the body to produce calming chemicals, so it is often used in bedrooms. Blue can also be cold and depressing. Fashion consultants recommend wearing blue to job interviews because it symbolizes loyalty. People are more productive in blue rooms. Studies show weightlifters are able to handle heavier weights in blue gyms.

    It's better to use a red color for your sales copy.
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