Help With Landing Page

by 15 replies
19
Hello

I'm creating a landing page for a free trial of our service HERE. Thing is, there's not very much writing and the words that are there are... bland.

Wondering if anyone has any advice for things to say/mention.

Any critiques and general comments will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!
#copywriting #landing #page
  • "Give your business plan a toll-free support from Us, Apply your luck today" !! - This type of slogans may attract visitors.
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  • I don't think you need help with this. You have a great landing page.
  • I agree that the landing page is good, in that it is clear, informative and clean.

    The one BIG thing that needs changed is the design of the first four items.....if you move these into different positions, you will have a great page. It is basically upside-down.

    When I, as a potential client, open your page, I am hit with "I want my free number", and I never read the biz name and number, the opening text, or the 120 day free trial header. The black button is shouting, and my eyes can't 'hear' your other, very important text.

    Here's what I suggest:

    --move phone number to bottom of page...it is not necessary up top

    --move big header to the top, and add the thing that you are trying to sell, ie 'toll-free number' -- you have to tell them what it is that you are promoting!
    I recommend this header:
    Get a Toll-Free Number FREE for 4 Months! (Largest point size)

    --I like your 'expand your customer base...' text. Put it next, with a slighly smaller point size

    --next, put an 'I want my free number' button on the page, but with a MUCH more subdued design.... don't overpower the two items above!

    --the items below the button are great....concise and segmented well.

    --one other minor change.....change the bottom sub-header to "Some" of our happy customers....so that we don't think that you only have 6 clients so far LOL! Also, add a short instruction "(click the images to hear what they think of us...)"--because I only discovered that the photos were clickable by accident. It is a GREAT selling feature, so we want your prospect to DEFINITELY click the images... You might even change the sub-head to "Click on these happy customers...."

    Hope this helps. It was great fun writing all this.....

    Jerry K
    www.JerryKuzma.com
    • [ 1 ] Thanks
  • This is better in layout and content than many attempts that appear on this forum.

    I'd change the "Easy on the Pockets" to "Easy on the Pocketbook"...unless people actually say "Pockets" where you're from.

    The copy is "nice," but also bland.

    120-day free trial is in my sales mind too long and too good an offer...that's 4 months until you start making money...can your business model support that wait?

    What's missing is a strong reason to go ahead and get your service. The only draw you have is the 120 days free, and that's not taking your service out of the commodity realm. "It's easy to use, cheap and supported by friendly people" are so basic that they are ground-floor expectations.
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    • [1] reply
    • Thank you very much for all of your feedback.

      I'll take it all into consideration and do some split testing.

      Very good point that there's no strong reason listed to use our service. I'll come up with something

      And yes, we can support a 120 trial as it's not unlimited usage during that time. The monthly fee will be waived for those 120 days, but there is only 100 minutes given to you for free during that time.


      Also, the target audience are small online shop owners and other small businesses/individuals that don't have a toll-free number. The landing page is to be used for PPC advertising.
  • 1. I was confused the instant I landed. What am I supposed to read? My eyes were bouncing all over the page. I should see a headline when I land. Remember this rule: When you emphasize everything, you emphasize nothing.

    2. 6 months or even "1/2 a year" sounds longer than 120 days.

    3. Why is your email link not clickable?

    4. Don't use the word "benefits" to describe your benefits. Just say "Here's what you get"

    5.
    I suggest working with your fonts and colors to help eliminate this but the layout needs some changes too.
    • [ 1 ] Thanks
  • Banned
    Horror-show. Too much going on. My eyes were bugging out. This page needs to be a lot cleaner than this. All it needs is a short paragraph of copy in the middle of the page (above the fold) and an opt-in to get the Free Trial.

    Plug your site into ClickTale, The leader in Heatmaps, Usability & Web Analytics and you'll see exactly how you're freaking your visitors out.

    Then go and find a Ryan Deiss or a Frank Kern landing page.

    Like this - The Anatomy of a Perfect Squeeze Page Template | Digital Marketer

    He even gives you an html squeeze page template on that page.
    • [ 2 ] Thanks
  • I don't like that Chat With Us popup coming up immediately. I can't even read the header and that thing is there. Delay the pop up more.
    • [ 1 ] Thanks
    • [1] reply
    • Thanks, totally forgot that I had it automatically pop up after 5 seconds.

      Also I've made some changes to the landing page. Will still be working on changes to improve it - but it has changed pretty drastically so far.

      As I'm working on the changes, feedback will still be greatly appreciated.

      Thanks to everyone who has already commented
  • It's simple, effective, and straight to the point. I think this should work great. I don't think you need help with this. Good luck!
  • you need more details about the offer... how much, what it is.. what they get... why they should chose you etc.

    if you need an FAQ page, i think the sales copy is lacking... the copy should address all those questions in the FAQ
  • You should try to improve the graphics. The characters are very simple and childlike, they seem to be designed by children.
    Prospects might think that it is not a professional service.
  • Thank you all very much for your feedback. I started a new PPC campaign today using the current layout of the landing page. It's still too early to tell if it's working (only 29 clicks) but I did get a conversion for a year subscription of fax-to-email service on my main website homepage. Not at all what I am trying to get but I'll take a conversion any day, no matter how strange

    Obviously much more testing and optimizing that needs done. Thank you all again for your feedback.

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