Your Squeeze Page Comments Are Invited

50 replies
Hi Folks,

Can you guys please offer your comments on my squeeze page: Download The World's BEST Internet Marketer's Internet Business Manifesto | Get Online Business Ideas & Online Business Growth Tips

Thanks.

Regards,
Ronak.
#comments #invited #page #squeeze #squeeze page
  • Profile picture of the author ASCW
    I like the testimonials - but the sub-head, headline, posthead, bullets - just doesn't do it for me.

    After I had absorbed the message(which I had to make a conscious and concentrated effort to do so) the only thing I thought was.

    "What the hell is this thing?" and not in a curious "I must have it" kind of way.

    Just a big disgruntled "Huh?"
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    If you want help with copy stuff, pm me.

    Cool.

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    • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
      Thanks for your feedback. I will stick with the copy as of now since I have showed it to a couple of people who did not say anything what you said about the headline, pre-headline, post-headline, bullet points. They really liked it.

      If at least 10 people tell me to change it, I will definitely change it keeping in mind your score and you being the first person. Definitely, I appreciate your feedback. I sincerely do. Thank you so much. As far as I know, I've contacted Rich Schefren's office and they'll be reverting back to me with feedback. Let's keep my fingers crossed. Thanks Andy for your comments.
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    • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
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      • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
        Hi Ronak,

        Why should a biz owner take the time to read what Rich says,
        when it might be perceived he might be better off reading what Dan Kennedy says,
        afterall it was Dan who taught him marketing principles?

        Best,
        Ewen
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        • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
          Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

          Hi Ronak,

          Why should a biz owner take the time to read what Rich says,
          when it might be perceived he might be better off reading what Dan Kennedy says,
          afterall it was Dan who taught him marketing principles?

          Best,
          Ewen
          Dan is a copywriter. Rich is a core strategist.
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          • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
            Originally Posted by Ronak Shah View Post

            Dan is a copywriter. Rich is a core strategist.
            Interesting you should say that Ronak.

            Last week Rich said to thousands of people that he was struggling with
            a strategic problem and Dan gave the answer
            which made a big impact on the growth of his business.
            His Manifesto was the result of that breakthrough.

            Rich was mentioning this while promoting Dan's material last week.

            Copywriter Craig Garber doesn't pay large sums of money to him
            to learn copywriting.

            So the question many ask of their guru's, eventually,
            why learn from this guy when he mentions he learnt his stuff from Dan Kennedy?

            You now have more educated readers which means updating
            your message to meet their new level of experience and expectations.

            That's what I'm trying to draw out of you Ronak.

            Best,
            Ewen
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            • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
              Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

              Interesting you should say that Ronak.

              Last week Rich said to thousands of people that he was struggling with
              a strategic problem and Dan gave the answer
              which made a big impact on the growth of his business.
              His Manifesto was the result of that breakthrough.

              Rich was mentioning this while promoting Dan's material last week.

              Copywriter Craig Garber doesn't pay large sums of money to him
              to learn copywriting.

              So the question many ask of their guru's, eventually,
              why learn from this guy when he mentions he learnt his stuff from Dan Kennedy?

              You now have more educated readers which means updating
              your message to meet their new level of experience and expectations.

              That's what I'm trying to draw out of you Ronak.

              Best,
              Ewen
              Keeping your point in mind, I'll see if I can update the message that Rich learned many things from Dan Kennedy. However, there's a difference between Dan's product and Rich's product. Sorry but I don't like Dan's work as much as Rich's as of now. I haven't gone through Dan's work so much. Rich solves problems that are day-to-day so his creativity must be acknowledged. You cannot claim that Rich entirely developed and sells rehashed products after what he learned from Dan. What Rich offers is something unique, tested, proven, sophisticated and acknowledged by thousands of people. Rich's own experience brings new ideas to life. Rich touches upon info overload, perfectionism and much much more of which I am not sure whether Dan is doing the same so close.

              However, your point taken. Ewen, I think your idea is GREAT. I'll include it as the proposition is excellent. Fantastic.
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              I AM YOUR Direct Response Ninja Kick-Ass Sales Copywriter.

              Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
              Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
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              *Terms & Conditions Apply. Email me at ronak[at]ronakshah[dot]name right now.
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  • Profile picture of the author emrom
    Long title.
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  • Profile picture of the author Wytnyt
    Try a better title, add Mr. Rich's success story, add little tidbits that are inside the product as teasers to entice people to converting.

    Is this related to your other thread about traditional sales letters? Since your only asking for an email address, it doesn't have to be overly salesy.

    Another thing that I could suggest is to add pictures/headshots of those people in the testimonials. If they have a website, put it under their name. I think this would add to the credibility of those testimonials.
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  • Profile picture of the author KevinW
    I would test a similar squeeze page with a short promo video. See what works better. I'd bet on the video squeeze page.
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  • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
    Move the "As featured in" to the top banner. It's instant credibility, so why put it below the fold? Second, Waaaayyyy too wordy on the copy, trim it down.

    Check out how I slimmed down the headline in this guy's thread to get an idea of what I mean...

    http://www.warriorforum.com/copywrit...ml#post5787206

    Looks like a good offer though, nice job.
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    • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
      Originally Posted by sethczerepak View Post

      Move the "As featured in" to the top banner. It's instant credibility, so why put it below the fold? Second, Waaaayyyy too wordy on the copy, trim it down.

      Check out how I slimmed down the headline in this guy's thread to get an idea of what I mean...

      http://www.warriorforum.com/copywrit...ml#post5787206

      Looks like a good offer though, nice job.
      I'll get a header done with the same logo's included in the header. Very nice. Thanks.

      Ronak.
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      Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
      Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
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  • Profile picture of the author Ryan Popovic
    Ronak,

    First impression: Seems like a lot of words in general, and a lot of big words. Testimonials are good.

    Definitely cut down the call to action "download the holy grail of internet marketing..."
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  • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
    I did the following you guys said:

    Asked me to enter Dan Kennedy's name
    cut the "holy grail of internet marketing"...
    made it less worded as much as possible...
    am looking for a header graphic designer to create instant credibility for my squeeze page.
    Added a short video of Rich. Looking for the startup to freedom video.
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    I AM YOUR Direct Response Ninja Kick-Ass Sales Copywriter.

    Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
    Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
    I'll Write YOUR Sales Copy AGAIN Till YOU Make MUCH MORE Than THAT. Guaranteed*.
    *Terms & Conditions Apply. Email me at ronak[at]ronakshah[dot]name right now.
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  • Profile picture of the author Grain
    I agree with Ken. An opt-in doesn't require
    parting with money. It requires lesser copy -
    in fact, I know some great marketers who
    get 50% optin rates from extremely short
    copy.

    It should be like..
    *smack!*
    "Oh--- what?" (Reader intrigued and needs
    to satisfy curiosity)
    *opts in!*

    30 seconds can be the minimum it takes.

    Since you have brilliant testimonials... Get
    one, slap the most intriguing one as a
    headline. Use short reason-why copy as to
    why you're giving the bribes free and your
    most wanted bulleted benefits.

    Remember, squeezes and salespages need to
    be written slightly differently.
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    Kind Regards,
    Grain.

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    • Profile picture of the author absplittesters
      To be honest I haven't read a word on the page... I opened the page and it turned me off right away...

      Your headline just looked like a big chunk of ugly text.. you should change your OP theme to squeeze style 04 I believe it is so the headline goes across the entire height of the site.

      Make your ecover smaller so that the optin is above the fold. Don't use the normal OP testimonial boxes, use just a yellow features box instead.

      Look at: realestatemiddleman.com/squeeze-page/] - it's clean, doesn't "over sell" the optin and converts great... Even on that page there are thing's i'd change, but it entices me to read more then what your current pages does..

      Anyway, hope I haven't offended you with my comment, just trying to give a point of view from someone who has build over 100 squeeze pages in the last 2 months and consistently gets a 60%+ conversion rate from them...

      Matt
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      • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
        Originally Posted by absplittesters View Post

        To be honest I haven't read a word on the page... I opened the page and it turned me off right away...

        Your headline just looked like a big chunk of ugly text.. you should change your OP theme to squeeze style 04 I believe it is so the headline goes across the entire height of the site.

        Make your ecover smaller so that the optin is above the fold. Don't use the normal OP testimonial boxes, use just a yellow features box instead.

        Look at: realestatemiddleman.com/squeeze-page/] - it's clean, doesn't "over sell" the optin and converts great... Even on that page there are thing's i'd change, but it entices me to read more then what your current pages does..

        Anyway, hope I haven't offended you with my comment, just trying to give a point of view from someone who has build over 100 squeeze pages in the last 2 months and consistently gets a 60%+ conversion rate from them...

        Matt
        The only thing that offended me was you not reading the copy of the squeeze page before commenting. Else, your advice is welcome.
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        Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
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  • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
    Originally Posted by Ken_Caudill View Post

    Why sell the hell out of something you are giving away?

    Simplify.
    Ken, my fellow member...

    Would appreciate if you would point me in the right direction. Can you get a little more specific?
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  • Profile picture of the author kaaregarnes
    Long title and a bit too noisy for me. Also I prefer cleaner design but that might just be the scandinavian in me talking...
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  • Profile picture of the author Steve Hill
    Well, as others have mentioned, the titles are long, and a bit over the top. My BS meter went off even before I read through the headline. It would be helpful to know more about what the Manifesto is actually about.

    From a design standpoint, it's not the best use of layout space, typography, and spacing. For example, the testimonials could be toned down and showcased better.

    Mostly, though, I still have no idea what this thing really is except for the few benefits listed. It could use less noisy cowbell and more substance, IMO.

    Pretend you're telling me about this Manifesto over coffee somewhere. What would you say, how would you describe it?
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    • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
      I don't really know how to make less noise when the manifesto itself is a HUGE success. Rich himself helps entrepreneurs become successful. Now, I don't know how to tone it down other than creating a header that have featured him on the top of the squeeze page.

      I shortened the headline. I still need more help.

      Ronak.
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      I AM YOUR Direct Response Ninja Kick-Ass Sales Copywriter.

      Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
      Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
      I'll Write YOUR Sales Copy AGAIN Till YOU Make MUCH MORE Than THAT. Guaranteed*.
      *Terms & Conditions Apply. Email me at ronak[at]ronakshah[dot]name right now.
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  • Profile picture of the author thekeetch
    Here you go...

    - lose the social bar or move it down, better yet, put it on the TY page (why would someone share something they know nothing about?)
    - pre-header is way too long and hard to read... i jumped straight to the headline... which lost me.
    - headline is not believable. wealthy in no time = scam biz op. Focus on one really cool aspect of the report... Something like... "Free Report Reveals 1 Simple Tweak That Could Send Your Competition Running for Cover"

    This also looks like you've got Rich's permission to give away the report. (Maybe you do?) If you don't, prepare to be eaten.

    Paul
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    • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
      Originally Posted by thekeetch View Post

      Here you go...

      - lose the social bar or move it down, better yet, put it on the TY page (why would someone share something they know nothing about?)
      - pre-header is way too long and hard to read... i jumped straight to the headline... which lost me.
      - headline is not believable. wealthy in no time = scam biz op. Focus on one really cool aspect of the report... Something like... "Free Report Reveals 1 Simple Tweak That Could Send Your Competition Running for Cover"

      This also looks like you've got Rich's permission to give away the report. (Maybe you do?) If you don't, prepare to be eaten.

      Paul
      I got permission from his team which means they have been advised to let me offer the free report for download.

      I lost the social bar. I'll have to find a headline that suits Rich's success and most people's failures. If you've a headline, please let me know.

      Thanks.

      Ronak.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
    Guys I changed the design of the squeeze page. There is no video nor a fake video image. Please comment.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
    Can any squeeze page expert comment on my squeeze page?
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  • Profile picture of the author Steve Hill
    I'm not a "squeeze page expert" but I like this version even less. Try using the rule of 1 in the headline, and follow that throughout the copy. Each section of the copy should make the reader want to read the next one.

    As it stands now, the page seems quite disjointed, without a clear pathway of reason for the reader to follow. There should be an inevitable conclusion for the reader that they should download this report.
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    • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
      Steve, I changed the squeeze page to "Squeeze 05 with header" just because you felt it wasn't great. Let me know your thoughts on the current design.

      Readers read from left to right. So this one sounds good in that regard.

      Ronak.
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      I AM YOUR Direct Response Ninja Kick-Ass Sales Copywriter.

      Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
      Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
      I'll Write YOUR Sales Copy AGAIN Till YOU Make MUCH MORE Than THAT. Guaranteed*.
      *Terms & Conditions Apply. Email me at ronak[at]ronakshah[dot]name right now.
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      • Profile picture of the author Steve Hill
        Originally Posted by Ronak Shah View Post

        Steve, I changed the squeeze page to "Squeeze 05 with header" just because you felt it wasn't great. Let me know your thoughts on the current design.
        Ok, one last try:

        The top headline still doesn't read well for me (try reading it out loud).

        Something like this flows better, IMO:


        Downloaded over 1 MILLION TIMES already...

        The FREE Report That Started 26 Millionaires on the Path to Success...
        The 2012 Internet Business Manifesto!

        Top Internet marketing guru Rich Schefren reveals...Why Rookies Struggle Where Gurus Thrive...How to Build a Real Marketing Business...Proven Strategies to Get Your Sites Found...and much more, in this FREE report!

        I would follow that with something like:

        "Rich Schefren charges $10,000+ per month for his personal coaching...his clients include marketing legends such as Jay Abraham, Eben Pagan and many others...but you can download his Internet Business Manifesto, 2012 Edition, for FREE."

        I would follow that with the bio and features section, and then an outlined box that says "As mentioned in..." with the media icons (much smaller and consistent in size, and assuming that is why they are on your sales page).

        Then, introduce the testimonials with something like "See what other Internet Manifesto readers have to say..."

        If you really need to use the social plus block, move it to the bottom, as it has no business being in the middle of the piece.

        That should help a bit.
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  • Profile picture of the author DougBarger
    Hello Ronak,

    Just a couple of quick edit suggestions for you to test...

    I believe the word "Being" in your headline should be removed.

    It's there twice currently and shouldn't be there at all.

    It's a weak, passive verb and unnecessary.

    Also, where you have the !..."

    I believe you should test it with !"...

    instead.

    Otherwise, you lose the power of the ellipses to naturally guide
    the reader's eyes to continue down the readership path and move
    them through your copy to your call to action.

    When you have it the way it is with the ellipses "closed off", it creates an instant
    "speed bump" where the reader could stop reading right there due to the apparent
    conclusion of the idea suggested by the positioning of the punctuation.

    Also, I believe you should test reducing the pre-head to only a few words
    which naturally lead your reader into the headline.

    As it is now, it's too "wordy", "lengthy" and nowhere near succinct enough
    to accomplish its purpose. It also stretches all the way to the right margin when it should only be a few words on the upper left to lead into the headline.

    Try to reduce the big idea of it to only a few words. And I mean like 3 or 4.

    As it is now, you're losing readers by the overreaching pre-head attempting to do more than it should long before the reader reaches the headline.

    Remember, it's main purpose is to guide your reader into the headline.

    When you test the edits I've suggested, I believe you'll find it will accomplish the goal
    of encouraging more readership with the ellipses keeping the idea open and naturally suggesting the reader continue to read on through to the next piece of copy.

    And the results? An instant increase in your conversions.

    Of course, with a paid critique, I'd have more time to thoroughly examine with a more comprehensive look, but I thought I'd give you a few solid edits to test in the meantime.
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    • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
      Originally Posted by DougBarger View Post

      Hello Ronak,

      Just a couple of quick edit suggestions for you to test...

      I believe the word "Being" in your headline should be removed.

      It's there twice currently and shouldn't be there at all.

      It's a weak, passive verb and unnecessary.

      Also, where you have the !..."

      I believe you should test it with !"...

      instead.

      Otherwise, you lose the power of the ellipses to naturally guide
      the reader's eyes to continue down the readership path and move
      them through your copy to your call to action.

      When you have it the way it is with the ellipses "closed off", it creates an instant
      "speed bump" where the reader could stop reading right there due to the apparent
      conclusion of the idea suggested by the positioning of the punctuation.

      Also, I believe you should test reducing the pre-head to only a few words
      which naturally lead your reader into the headline.

      As it is now, it's too "wordy", "lengthy" and nowhere near succinct enough
      to accomplish its purpose. It also stretches all the way to the right margin when it should only be a few words on the upper left to lead into the headline.

      Try to reduce the big idea of it to only a few words. And I mean like 3 or 4.

      As it is now, you're losing readers by the overreaching pre-head attempting to do more than it should long before the reader reaches the headline.

      Remember, it's main purpose is to guide your reader into the headline.

      When you test the edits I've suggested, I believe you'll find it will accomplish the goal
      of encouraging more readership with the ellipses keeping the idea open and naturally suggesting the reader continue to read on through to the next piece of copy.

      And the results? An instant increase in your conversions.

      Of course, with a paid critique, I'd have more time to thoroughly examine with a more comprehensive look, but I thought I'd give you a few solid edits to test in the meantime.
      I already did what you asked and am now quite enthusiastic and positive about the squeeze page converting... WELL! The testimonials will play a role!

      What do you think Doug?
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      Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
      Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
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      *Terms & Conditions Apply. Email me at ronak[at]ronakshah[dot]name right now.
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  • Profile picture of the author DougBarger
    It is improving.

    In my opinion, the pre-head is still too long and reaches too far to the right.

    See if you can test shortening it more. Or at least break the text up in half
    and put the second half on the line beneath it to lead into the headline.

    Also, I believe you should remove the word "Becoming" from the headline.
    (For the same reason you removed "Being"--It's wimpy, passive and unnecessary.)

    Next, what you did with the exclamation and ellipses in the headline,
    apply to the "YOU Can Beat Them at Their Own Game"...

    (for the same reason as before.)

    Then immediately following you could test "Here's How YOU Can Too!"

    You may also want to put your deck copy in italics to keep interest
    and even highlight YOU Can Beat Them at Their Own Game"...

    You may also want to include a bulleted list of about 5-8 benefits
    your reader gets after they get it followed by a direct call to action above the webform.

    When you download your copy of The Internet Business Manifesto you'll discover:

    *How benefit 1

    *benefit 2

    *3

    *4

    *5

    *6

    *and much, much more!

    Just type your name and email in the form below then click "Download Now"

    Yes, the testimonials are a nice touch. Definite improvements from the first version.
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    • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
      Originally Posted by DougBarger View Post

      It is improving.

      In my opinion, the pre-head is still too long and reaches too far to the right.

      See if you can test shortening it more. Or at least break the text up in half
      and put the second half on the line beneath it to lead into the headline.

      Also, I believe you should remove the word "Becoming" from the headline.
      (For the same reason you removed "Being"--It's wimpy, passive and unnecessary.)

      Next, what you did with the exclamation and ellipses in the headline,
      apply to the "YOU Can Beat Them at Their Own Game"...

      (for the same reason as before.)

      Then immediately following you could test "Here's How YOU Can Too!"

      You may also want to put your deck copy in italics to keep interest

      there is an italics option which does not seem to work in OP

      and even highlight YOU Can Beat Them at Their Own Game"...

      You may also want to include a bulleted list of about 5-8 benefits
      your reader gets after they get it followed by a direct call to action above the webform.

      When you download your copy of The Internet Business Manifesto you'll discover:

      *How benefit 1

      *benefit 2

      *3

      *4

      *5

      *6

      *and much, much more!

      Just type your name and email in the form below then click "Download Now"

      Yes, the testimonials are a nice touch. Definite improvements from the first version.
      I changed "becoming" into "To Transform Into"...

      I will be changing the pre-headline...

      In my opinion, the pre-head is still too long and reaches too far to the right.

      See if you can test shortening it more. Or at least break the text up in half
      and put the second half on the line beneath it to lead into the headline.
      I want some hype behind the squeeze page. I wish if someone could give a shorter version of what I've written up there. I'm thinking of a shorter pre-headline since you feel it's too long.

      I am giving my best shot trying to do exactly what you're saying Doug but there are certain limitations as I am using OptimizePress.

      This is not possible to do right now:

      Then immediately following you could test "Here's How YOU Can Too!"

      You may also want to put your deck copy in italics to keep interest
      and even highlight YOU Can Beat Them at Their Own Game"...

      You may also want to include a bulleted list of about 5-8 benefits
      your reader gets after they get it followed by a direct call to action above the webform.
      Can you think of a shorter pre-headline?
      Signature
      I AM YOUR Direct Response Ninja Kick-Ass Sales Copywriter.

      Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
      Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
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      • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
        Got a shorter pre-head for you Ronak...

        only trouble the main headline was out of place with it,
        so I changed it too.

        The video looks to be out of place because it
        takes the reader off subject and off the slippery slide to the sign up.
        Therefore I would remove it.

        Ok here's the new pre-head and headline...
        ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

        Author of 1 million downloads...

        "Cured Internet Marketers Frustration And Overwhelm In 20XX...

        Releases All New Tell-All 2012 Edition On The Time And Money Rich...

        -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
        I'm thinking the 2012 Edition has parts that can be divided up into clear parts,
        hence the number 7, which you can replace by the number that bests fits that role.

        Played to peoples belief that there are others that have more time and money than them
        which they also want.

        Kept the part that they want to move away from, which you rightfully put in.
        And also that it's already been achieved.

        You need to put the year in when the original came out.

        Best,
        Ewen
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  • Profile picture of the author MaxReferrals
    Good tweak-outs so far.

    Try ripping it further, as a matter or simplifying further.

    Remove every other word and see if you can tighten it up.

    GREAT job!
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    • Profile picture of the author Steve Hill
      Originally Posted by MaxReferrals View Post

      Good tweak-outs so far.

      Try ripping it further, as a matter or simplifying further.

      Remove every other word and see if you can tighten it up.

      GREAT job!
      Maybe something like this, then:


      Downloaded over 1 MILLION TIMES...

      This FREE Internet Business Manifesto Started 26 Millionaires on the Path to Success!

      Top Internet marketing guru Rich Schefren reveals...Why Rookies Struggle Where Gurus Thrive...How to Build a Real Marketing Business...Proven Strategies to Get Your Sites Found - and much more - in this valuable report.

      Rich Schefren charges $10,000+ per month for personal coaching to marketing legends such as Jay Abraham and Eben Pagan...but you can download his 2012 Internet Business Manifesto for FREE.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
    Guess what Steve...

    All of you guys gave me testosterone!

    This one's for all of you guys..

    I've finally found the page to be much much better than what it was previously! If you guys check, let me know.

    Some of the ideas above are excellent but I'm sorry, I use OptimizePress which is great for graphics and design but writing custom content at a specific location can be difficult.

    My special thanks to Ewen, Doug, Steve, Paul, Kaare, Ken, Ryan, Matt, Kevin, Seth, Wytnyt and Andy for their special contribution. In particular, I am indebted to Doug Barger, Steve Hill, Ewen Mack for their splendid contribution.

    I took some ideas and copy-pasted directly as well. Creating this squeeze page has been exciting but painful. I find, though there is definite scope for improvement and would appreciate your comments as well, the squeeze page has been found. Way cool!

    All of your ideas are appreciated folks. Please comment further if you've any ideas or suggestions. I will implement them and let you know my results.
    Signature
    I AM YOUR Direct Response Ninja Kick-Ass Sales Copywriter.

    Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
    Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
    I'll Write YOUR Sales Copy AGAIN Till YOU Make MUCH MORE Than THAT. Guaranteed*.
    *Terms & Conditions Apply. Email me at ronak[at]ronakshah[dot]name right now.
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Question Ronak,

      Is the 2012 edition content updated much?

      I'm thinking it is, hence 2012 being used.

      If it is, then we need to be bringing that
      new information to people's notice.

      My headline was using the news approach
      of the new edition.

      Please let me know if it is new so we can bring that into it.

      Best,
      Ewen

      P.S. I like the "as seen" header up top because it creates authority and social proof status.
      That's one area A-Listers look to improve upon when hired to beat a control.
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      • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
        Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

        Question Ronak,

        Is the 2012 edition content updated much?

        I'm thinking it is, hence 2012 being used.

        If it is, then we need to be bringing that
        new information to people's notice.

        My headline was using the news approach
        of the new edition.

        Please let me know if it is new so we can bring that into it.

        Best,
        Ewen

        P.S. I like the "as seen" header up top because it creates authority and social proof status.
        That's one area A-Listers look to improve upon when hired to beat a control.
        Ewen,

        Normally Rich updates the manifesto with some new ideas, experiences I guess as Rich is a very honest man as far as I know. Not sure if there is any change in the manifesto as such.

        I haven't checked much of it. Sounds like the same though. Ewen, now can you tell me something that I need to improve?

        I really want to know anything that can be shorter in length for a headline as of now. What do you say Steve & Ewen?

        Ronak.
        Signature
        I AM YOUR Direct Response Ninja Kick-Ass Sales Copywriter.

        Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
        Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
        I'll Write YOUR Sales Copy AGAIN Till YOU Make MUCH MORE Than THAT. Guaranteed*.
        *Terms & Conditions Apply. Email me at ronak[at]ronakshah[dot]name right now.
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        • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
          Originally Posted by Ronak Shah View Post

          Ewen,

          Normally Rich updates the manifesto with some new ideas, experiences I guess as Rich is a very honest man as far as I know. Not sure if there is any change in the manifesto as such.

          I haven't checked much of it. Sounds like the same though. Ewen, now can you tell me something that I need to improve?

          I really want to know anything that can be shorter in length for a headline as of now. What do you say Steve & Ewen?

          Ronak.
          Well my original headline is 6 words shorter, how-about using it?

          Best,
          Ewen
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          • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
            Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

            Well my original headline is 6 words shorter, how-about using it?

            Best,
            Ewen
            Well I had difficulty reading it. Thanks.
            Signature
            I AM YOUR Direct Response Ninja Kick-Ass Sales Copywriter.

            Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
            Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
            I'll Write YOUR Sales Copy AGAIN Till YOU Make MUCH MORE Than THAT. Guaranteed*.
            *Terms & Conditions Apply. Email me at ronak[at]ronakshah[dot]name right now.
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    • Profile picture of the author DougBarger
      Originally Posted by Ronak Shah View Post

      Guess what Steve...

      All of you guys gave me testosterone!
      Thanks Ronak, but shhh! The use of advertising steroids/testosterone could be banned in some organizations and get the gold medal taken away in the olympics.

      Originally Posted by Ronak Shah View Post


      In particular,
      I am indebted to Doug Barger, Steve Hill, Ewen Mack for their splendid contribution.
      I can't speak for the rest of the guys, but your story has touched my heart...so check your gmail for the invoice.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
    Guys I got on the 3rd page of Google already for the term "Internet Business Manifesto" even before I started optimizing my site for SEO. WOW! I'm sure gonna rock. SEO is gonna be damn good, I'm sure. Hope I get a lot of traffic.
    Signature
    I AM YOUR Direct Response Ninja Kick-Ass Sales Copywriter.

    Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
    Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
    I'll Write YOUR Sales Copy AGAIN Till YOU Make MUCH MORE Than THAT. Guaranteed*.
    *Terms & Conditions Apply. Email me at ronak[at]ronakshah[dot]name right now.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
    I would want a quick review of my squeeze page from any of you guys.. I have the final version I guess.. Just need a second opinion... Can you please share your opinion?

    Ronak.
    Signature
    I AM YOUR Direct Response Ninja Kick-Ass Sales Copywriter.

    Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
    Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
    I'll Write YOUR Sales Copy AGAIN Till YOU Make MUCH MORE Than THAT. Guaranteed*.
    *Terms & Conditions Apply. Email me at ronak[at]ronakshah[dot]name right now.
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Originally Posted by Ronak Shah View Post

      I would want a quick review of my squeeze page from any of you guys.. I have the final version I guess.. Just need a second opinion... Can you please share your opinion?

      Ronak.
      Can't help you any more until you answer my question in my last post Ronak.

      Best,
      Ewen
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    • Profile picture of the author Steve Hill
      Originally Posted by Ronak Shah View Post

      I would want a quick review of my squeeze page from any of you guys.. I have the final version I guess.. Just need a second opinion... Can you please share your opinion?
      IMO, it's improved quite a bit from the original, and is much better integrated. The "As Featured In" section now fits in much better, for example, and there is a better flow throughout (rather than just a series of elements placed in sequence).

      There's still room for improvement (such as title length, quotes, punctuation, font sizes, and overall integration), as well as the question raised by Ewen (what is different about the 2012 edition?), but generally speaking, it's much better.
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  • Profile picture of the author danielpoint
    I would say that the top banner is a bit busy and taking the attention from a bit long title.
    I would give a bit space on the page - but over all looks good!
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  • Profile picture of the author JeremiahSay
    It seems great to me, but having the header remove might be better.. in terms of look (just my personal opinion)

    I'm also using optimizepress to create my squeeze page: FREE Video - It's Time to Work Smart Instead of Just Working Hardautomated-passive-income.com

    1 more headsup.. remove the powered by optimizepress at the footer below, you can do so by logging in to your admin area under optimizepress general setting.

    Hope this help,
    Jeremiah
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  • Profile picture of the author WinstonThaler
    I'd like to know if you're having Rich Schrefren as a real client... Or are you helping someone get leads by bribing people with rich's product?

    Curiously,
    - Winston Thaler
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  • Profile picture of the author knish
    The first impression, too many words for a headline. I think you should write a shorter one, simpler and straight to the point.
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