15 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}
15 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}

Critique my ad!!!

by walkerton
13 replies
Please tell me where I can make improvements on this ad.

Thanks,
Korey
#critique
  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    Nice job. The only thing I'd suggest is putting in a short account of someone who ended up getting a larger return after shopping around a bit and finding your service. That would really help to make your case for getting the max refund.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[522686].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    Well, I think maybe you need to put in in another
    format. Your doc came up empty for me.
    Signature
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[522770].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author walkerton
    Thanks for the advice. Anyone else like to rip this ad apart?

    Korey
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[522993].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author TimSchaefer
      I'd tweak the headline to:

      WARNING! Read This Before Filing Your Tax Return...

      Then I'd move the second paragraph to come right before the "Maximum Refund Guaranteed" subhead. Let them get to the part about them ("Why does this matter to you") first.

      Also, I'd lose the last lines leading up to that part. ("So that's what we do. If you want your money back as soon as possible then Walkerton Tax Services is the right place for you!")

      And, right at the beginning of paragraph four, I'd introduce the "I" the reader is hearing from.

      Example:

      "My name is Korey Walkerton of Walkerton Tax Services. I hear from regular folks just like you..."

      Finally, instead of a "call if you have any questions" statement, make it a "stop by or call XXX-XXX-XXXX today to set up an appointment" call to action. (And make sure they can see that number. Make it a few sizes bigger if you have to.)

      Tim
      Signature
      Tim Schaefer - Direct Response Copywriter
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[523126].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author Hugh Thyer
        Remove the second mention of your location and replace it with a testimonial. Could be spaced out a bit better, its quite heavy going on your eyes.

        Also, put a photo with a caption like "John Smith - Getting People The Biggest Returns Possible".

        Perhaps the headline could be more dramatic, eg WARNING: If you havent lodged your tax return then this could be the chance to pocket even more money

        or something like that. I personally didnt think you motivated me enough to read the ad with your headline.

        Another style of ad to test would be The 7 Reasons To Talk To Walkerton Tax BEFORE Your Regular Tax Agent

        Otherwise I liked the ad.
        Signature

        Ever wondered how copywriters work with their clients? I've answered that very question in detail-> www.salescomefirst.com
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[523995].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author David.Beckman
        Originally Posted by TimSchaefer View Post

        I'd tweak the headline to:

        WARNING! Read This Before Filing Your Tax Return...

        Then I'd move the second paragraph to come right before the "Maximum Refund Guaranteed" subhead. Let them get to the part about them ("Why does this matter to you") first.

        Also, I'd lose the last lines leading up to that part. ("So that's what we do. If you want your money back as soon as possible then Walkerton Tax Services is the right place for you!")

        And, right at the beginning of paragraph four, I'd introduce the "I" the reader is hearing from.

        Example:

        "My name is Korey Walkerton of Walkerton Tax Services. I hear from regular folks just like you..."

        Finally, instead of a "call if you have any questions" statement, make it a "stop by or call XXX-XXX-XXXX today to set up an appointment" call to action. (And make sure they can see that number. Make it a few sizes bigger if you have to.)

        Tim
        Tim has definately done it here, I would just add that proof in numbers would be a great addition - show how you have beat a competing companies numbers and gotten HUGE returns for your customers - also a big guarentee here will do wonders, make an offer they cant refuse
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[543787].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author llott
    If you could feature "Just give me back ALL the money I'm supposed to get from the IRS, I don't want Uncle Sam keeping any of it!" in a header or separate paragraph bolded I think that would be good..... It "aggravates" action for all us people distrustful of the govment.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[524383].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Rus Sells
    Head Line

    DON'T FILE YOUR TAX RETURN...

    Not all tax preparation companies
    are created equal! If your regular
    folks like me, you don't need a
    tax guy who does taxes for huge
    corporations, right?

    At Walkerton Tax Services we are
    regular folks helping people get the
    biggest and fastest tax refunds possible,
    without problems from the IRS.

    Why does this matter to you?
    Hard working folks shouldn't have
    to wait for their hard earned tax
    refund any longer then they have to.
    Many times people who do their own
    returns too quickly end up missing valuable
    deductions that make their refund smaller.
    I'll make sure that doesn't happen to you!

    Like me, you want every single cent you
    loaned to Uncle Sam over the year, and
    we'll make sure you get every penny as
    quickly as possible.

    Maximum Refund Guaranteed or It's Free
    I'll search your return for hundres
    of deductions in order to maximize
    the dollar value of your tax return.
    I guarantee you won't obtain a
    bigger refund elsewhere or I'll refund
    your money!

    Get your MONEY in only 8 days
    With our speedy refund processing
    we can have your big return in your
    checking account in as little a 8 days!
    There's no faster way to get your money,
    just make sure to bring your bank's
    information with you.

    FREE $27 SPECIAL DISCOUNT
    All you have to do is bring this
    article when you have me figure
    out your refund and file
    your taxes. This offer ends
    February 28th 2009.

    Bring the following with you.
    I'd make bullet list of what they
    need in this section.

    Don't forget...
    100% Maximum Refund Guarantee!
    8 Days to get your MONEY!
    FREE $27 DOLLAR DISCOUNT!

    Hey! Why aren't you here already?
    Oh! You need our address!
    380 S. Melrose Road #300
    Vista CA 92081
    760-297-8001
    Across the street from the
    Vista Courthouse

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++

    You asked! LOL

    PS: I'm not a copy writer, so yeah...
    Signature
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[524886].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Bogart
    How about this 'call to action' title?

    HURRY! File Your Taxes Now, Fastest Tax Refunds ...
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[532819].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author colmodwyer
    I know space is tight on a print ad, but I'd try and squeeze a "reason why" into the headline

    WARNING: If You Have Not Filed Your Taxes, Read This Now Because [Benefit or Work the enemy, other CPA's are *******s! etc]...

    Also for me, the second paragraph should come first - at least the part about biggest and fastest refunds - again just to give a "reason why" then work in all the other stuff.

    Colm
    Signature
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[532960].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author FreelanceSally
    Overall its good, but it looks a bit unorganized. Make a clear distinction for each section. Think about adding giving each section its own column and making the sub headers a size larger.
    Signature

    My name's not Sally.

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[542777].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author hama4live
    [DELETED]
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[542794].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author HallOfWords
      I'm going to help you out and save you the money your going to spend on the ad you have. I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner. I worked for 10 years selling ads for a newspaper as well as writing the copy and designing print ads.

      The one you're proposing is simply going to be a waste of money. It will not get you any traffic.

      Why? Because first of all there is just too much to read. The only ads I've seen work with this much text is one that sounds and looks like a news story, this does neither.

      What you need is a display ad that looks like a display ad. It must grab their attention by showing right off the bat what's in it for them. If they've already filed their taxes what you've written is not going to get their attention so this is wasted copy.

      The other problem is people just do not read, they scan and though your ad is scannable the main points I see you are trying to make is you guarantee your going to get the most money back and you're going to give them a $27 discount if they file by Feb. 28th.

      I've attached an ad in PDF format that will work in a newspaper, penny saver or some similar type publication. The artwork is free of copywrite so you can use it and it will help to draw attention to your ad because it will be identified as a tax service ad. The size is up to you and this is certainly not going to be exactly right but it's close to a 3 column by 4 inch ad in a broadsheet newspaper.

      I wish you much success.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[543172].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author HallOfWords
        i forgot to mention one other thing and that is about the part that says "Just cut out this ad and bring it with you and you automatically receive $27.00 off our service." The problem here is people don't cut out ads and bring them in. McDonald's have run coupon ads for a free ice cream cone and the best results they have ever gotten is 1% return. Now for them 1% is okay because it's a national ad so they're drawing from millions of customers and giving them something free.

        You may get one back if you're lucky. If you put in your ad "just mention this ad and receive a $27 discount" you may get some response and you will still be able to track your ad. To track your ad you simply need to have your people do a little investigating by asking a question like "where did you see the ad". They may or may not remember, but I would give them the discount anyway.
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[543286].message }}

Trending Topics