Marketing Copy For Coaching Services

9 replies
First shot at my copy. If you can give me any feedback on overall persuasiveness, clarity of offer, and the flow. Thank you!

Outcome of the copy is to inspire a person to pick up the phone or email to schedule a 1-1 coaching session.



Dear Soloprenuer,

You know that every decision you make effects your bottom line.
Thats why you went into business for yourself. So that you could
have complete control of your financial destiny.

Since decisions shape your life... have you ever felt stuck in one...
you know... damned if you do, damned if you don't?

People the world over know that making effective decisions is the only way
to have what you want most

...and yet, you know the funniest thing about decisions.

...most people HATE making them!

People will often wait for certain failure before they will make a decision.

However, when you look at it, all of the most successful people in the world
decided to be there.

Richard Branson, Bill Gates, Warren Buffet and even the late Steve Jobs are
absolutely famous (and wealthy) for their ability to decide quickly, effectively
and in the face of conflicting information.

As you know these men have made poor decisions at times and lost fortunes
worth of money and yet they moved beyond these failures and lead their
companies on to bigger and more profitable decisions.

One simple principle that connects all of these billionaires is their absolute
clarity on who they are and what they want. These decisive men all reflect
back to their values and beliefs before making any key decision in their lives.

What would it be like if you could tap into the power to decide even in the
face of great uncertainty?

What if you knew every decision you made was in service to your ultimate vision?

Imagine what it would be like to be to enjoy making tough decisions because you
know they are all getting you closer to what you want most.

My name is Kevin Taylor and I've coached everyone from CEO's and executives
in New York City to small business owners in CA to unlock and optimize
their ability to make effective decisions.

Through the use of 45 min Decision Breakthrough sessions I help you understand
your own highest values, beliefs and rules. Then I help you align those values,
beliefs and rules so that you can make decisions that serve you on all levels of
your life.

This process alone can allow you to finally break free from feeling like you are
stuck between a rock and a hard place because it literally removes the internal
friction from your decision making process.

In this Decision Breakthrough session we will first work to understand who you are
as a person, what's most important to you and how you make decisions. We will
then discuss an important decision you to make in your business and help you
create an action plan so that you clearly know what you want out of the situation,
why you want it and how you are going to get it.

You will leave our session with a clear and focused outcome for your decision,
a powerful motivation to make it happen and a list of options to make it real.

One of my clients called these sessions a "brain flush" that totally changed the
way he communicates with his business partner and even helped his
communication with his girlfriend.

The reason these sessions are so powerful is because you literally discover exactly
why you make decisions a certain way and HOW you can optimize the process so
you get more of what you want more often.

If you are the kind of person that wants to get more done with less effort then
email me now at nivektaylor(at)gmail(dot)com or call 530-354-099
and we will schedule a COMPLIMENTARY 45 min Decision Breakthrough
session. So right now the only decision you really need to make is to
call me and after that the rest of the decisions will be easier.
#coaching #copy #marketing #services
  • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
    Banned
    It needs tightening up with more clarity and focus on your single biggest benefit Kevin. And focus is like a laser on stirring up just the one core emotion.

    A very strong main headline might help to focus the readers attention on your single biggest benefit and the one core emotion you want to stir up.

    'Solopreneur' (greeting) is an awful opener. What's wrong with something a lot more simple and focused such as...

    Calling All Business Professionals

    Or...

    A Shout Out to All Business Owners (or something similar).

    Your first sentence needs separating from the other sentences in your first paragraph. Keep it very short 6-8 words maximum. You don't want to overwhelm the reader with too much information at the start of your written sales pitch.

    Also a couple of your sentences do not make perfect sense (the first one is a bit of a tongue twister)...

    "Imagine what it would be like to be to enjoy making tough decisions because you know they are all getting you closer to what you want most."

    And...

    "We will then discuss an important decision you to make in your business and help you create an action plan so that you clearly know what you want out of the situation, why you want it and how you are going to get it."

    Knock out the word 'that' wherever you can, it's a very ugly word to use in copywriting. Often you can delete it altogether without adverse impact. Or replace it with another word, something more appropriate.

    Many of your sentences are quite long. I should know, it's a trap I find myself falling into often myself. So try and break it up a bit more by using a mixture of shorter and longer sentences to maintain reader interest in your offer.

    Finally your direct call to action needs to be made simpler. Easier to read. Easier to follow.

    Highlight the telephone number more and remind your readers why they they need to act now with a much stronger punch line.

    I hope these few pointers help you out.

    If you need further assistance, shout.

    The offer is there if you need it.

    Warmest regards,


    Mark Andrews
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    • Profile picture of the author kevintaylor
      Thank you very much Mark!

      Taking all of those considerations in and re-drafting the copy.

      Now to work on making my sentences shorter... this could be tricky. Haha
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      • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
        Banned
        Your prospect... me - I'm sitting across the table from you.

        We've known each other for a while.

        Now, how would you sell me on this if I was sitting across the table from you?

        What would you say to me?

        How would you pitch this?

        Would your sentences be so long at the end of them you were gasping for air and boring me 'zhitless' listening to you? No, of course you wouldn't.

        So break them up...

        Some longer sentences.

        And some sentences intertwined saying a lot less.

        Before you ask... yes I did write this on purpose the wrong way round just to highlight and illustrate the point.

        I want to feel excited by your proposal.

        I want you to excite me.

        I want you to make me go WOW! Saying aloud, "I must call this number instantly!"

        Now get to it and post back here with your results when your done Kevin.

        Warmest regards,


        Mark Andrews
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  • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
    I would mention that most solopreneurs waste the majority of their time on ideas and directions that ultimately go nowhere because they lack the organizational skills.

    Make the reader question everything they're doing RIGHT NOW so your solution feels more urgent.

    Mark Pescetti

    P.S. in the coaching game, you really need to make your skills noticeable in the sales copy. I like the way you've branded yourself. Now, take it to the next level! Create MORE branded verbiage that draws prospects into YOUR WORLD.

    P.P.S. You're in Chico, huh? You're an hour and a half away from me...
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  • Profile picture of the author Ken Hoffman
    There's a strategic problem with your copy that may limit response. The whole concept of decision making is not something people buy. They will buy your helping them with a specific decision, but not the concept in general. It's kind of like trying to sell a prevention instead of a cure. At a minimum you need to give specific examples of critical life decisions that people screw up and dimentionalize all the bad things that will happen if they make the wrong decision and how a session with you can help avoid that. Then the benefits of the right decision and how you can help them make that too.

    I would just start the copy with the Richard Branson sentence, and get rid of everything before that. And preface the Branson sentence with this one:
    What's the most critical skill to success? The one that every successful person in the world has mastered?

    Hope that helps.
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  • Profile picture of the author colmodwyer
    In a nutshell, this is very weak. Lead is confusing, and "decision making" is far from a specific benefit.

    Buffet and co aren't famous for making "decisions" either. No one is going to agree with that "proof" element.

    I'd start all over again, or make the "decision" to hire someone who knows what they're doing.

    Colm
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  • Profile picture of the author cfperez
    I don't know what problem you are solving for me! I can see the discussion about decision-making, but as was mentioned before, I'm not buying "decision-making." I am a potential customer for this service, but I did not think you were offering anything to my category. If you could let me know that you understand my business and how lonely it is to realize you need help, need a sounding board and a structure to help bring the business to its best potential, that you are not supposed to be working alone on all this anyway!! Speak to me and the real anxiety that I have which is where are my next week's (month's, year's) clients? Talk about how I might be getting a low response because of one little tick that you have a knack for sensing and redirecting. Am I in a hole? Is my strategy making me more stuck or will this work? All this is going on in my mind as I look around for coaching.
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    Boring as batsh*t.

    You'd be better off starting with a killer story about Branson, Gates or Buffet.

    As you know these men have made poor decisions at times
    Have they? Tell me about it. What happened? And why is it relevant to your pitch?

    And "soloprenuer"? Take that turkey out the back and shoot it. Should be "Solopreneur" anyway.
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    • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
      Originally Posted by The Copy Nazi View Post

      Boring as batsh*t.

      You'd be better off starting with a killer story about Branson, Gates or Buffet.

      Have they? Tell me about it. What happened? And why is it relevant to your pitch?

      And "soloprenuer"? Take that turkey out the back and shoot it. Should be "Solopreneur" anyway.
      Bat **** ain't boring.

      It usually means there are a bunch of bats above you, sleeping, and if you make too much noise, you're screwed.

      Anyway... (one of my favorite words EVER)

      I wouldn't call it boring.

      Just lacking an authoritative voice, failing to stimulate (or agitate) the problem sufficiently and not creating enough urgency.

      Coaching is a tough game.

      Anyone can do it.

      I took a Life Coaching course that was a week long.

      So now I'm supposedly certified to help people course-correct their lives.

      Even though, I NEVER use the techniques I was taught.

      The bottom line is...

      You've got to REALLY come across like you know what your audience is intimately experiencing and BE THE SOLUTION.

      The copy doesn't accomplish that task.

      But I sense he has it in him.

      Mark Pescetti

      P.S. I love your analogies most of the time Mr. Nazi, but the bat one needed work.
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