Just about all the advice from the previous critique thread still applies. Re-read it paying special attention to Collette's words of wisdom.

Your offer is LASER BEAM FOCUS...

...yet I had to dig to find it and reader's won't.

Now, take your offer and turn it into an emotional benefit to galvanize the reader.

Also, in your body copy... remove all references to "I", "me", "mine", "we", etc...

...and rewrite with "you' benefit statements and explain the rewards "you" will get.

Thanks for your review Steve.

too much line spacing. Also use the justification alignment and proper heading size to differ it from the rest of the contents

I thought the first headline was much better. I don't think you're going to be able to sell "focusing ability" directly. The thing that's blatantly missing here is any story about how you discovered your "secret" and a bit about what makes it different than other information on the subject.

How to focus on any assignment...I'm not sure you got what you wanted to across here. If you did I'm not sure your prospect cares. It needs some context.

"Trouble focusing on your class assignments?

How To Develop An Almost Laser-Like Focus In Less Than 3 Hours...
Guaranteed To Help You Ace Every Class With Ease!"

Hulbert, I agree with Steve.


You'll ask for critiques here and get people adding improvements to it all the time. Point is, everyone's opinions are different (that's what makes the world great! ).

It's not people's opinions that matter (no, not even that million dollar copywriter's...) - it's what SELLS that counts. As long as your conversion rate is increasing, that's what really matters.


Aside from that, look at where you're generating your leads from, and try to focus more on those prospects. Aside from that, market yourself in places where you KNOW people are in desperate need of your product.

Also you might want to consider your market. Is there a distinct need for your product? Your conversion rate might not be as high as you want it to be, purely because there's a lack of demand for your product.

Just a few thoughts.


All the best with your product,



Ben.

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