Opinions wanted, please

by Tedel
3 replies
Hello,

Learning copy-writing is not that easy. Here a new try. Could you please gave me your suggestions on...

+ the headline: should it be more specific on the service offered?
+ the supporting paragraph, which I consider the second one
+ the bullets at the end.

Thanking the masters,
Tedel
#copywriting #opinions #wanted
  • Profile picture of the author DavidG
    Okay... I guess I'll step up and clean up some mess...

    First of all, your headline is one of the most important components in your copy...

    ...that being said (after reading your entire copy) your headline has nothing to do with what you are selling.

    Your first sentence is much more likely to be a headline than the headline itself.

    As for the rest of your copy... I think you should hire a copywriter to do your piece.


    I think that's the most nicest way of saying that it's terrible.


    David


    P.S. - Or simply go and study some Gary Halbert, or Bencivenga. (Click on the names)
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  • Profile picture of the author Tedel
    Oh... Thanks a lot for the sincerity. I'll just try again, I guess.
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    Author of Heptagrama. PM for my SEO service offer.
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    • Profile picture of the author jgrink
      Tedel, I just did a quick scan but I saw "we/we're" several times in the first couple of paragraphs. Let's make it more "you/you're" focused.
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