Critique my landing page PLEASE HELP!

Banned 12 years ago

Too many conflicting colors. It's like taking a punch in the face looking at this website.

I clicked out after just 10 seconds, it's all over the place. An awful layout, everything screaming out for my attention.

Just revolting. An awful approach. Try to make everything a lot more simple and pleasing to the eye.

Stop trying to make every element on your site look like it's vying to grab my attention. Just as with highlighting in long form sales copy... when you try to emphasize everything, you emphasize nothing.

This might help you...

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Mark Andrews

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MuscleProdigy 12 years ago

I use a tracking service to check everything. People are def. clicking through my landing page but not necessarily converting into a paid customer. Anyone else have any feedback?
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i am brad

12 years ago

Originally Posted by MuscleProdigy

MP45 dot COM (I don't have enough posts to link it...sorry!)

We created a fitness based ebook focusing on a 45 day fitness plan. Our sales aren't converting as much as I would like. Can you guys please give me some feedback?

I'll throw in some feedback.

-There is really no headline that grabs my attention.
-You have a button that says download now. In my mind I am thinking something free but I am led to a 97.00 order page.
-Website is really busy.
-I want to know what I am getting for 97.00 ( -Daily logs -videos of exercises -pills -recipes)
-How about throwing in some "bonuses" to make it seem that there is some value. (-100 recipes that shred fat "worth $29 yours free" -bonus exercises not included in the 45 day plan "worth $97 yours free)

-Place an opt in box above the fold to create a list."offer something to get them to give you their email"
-no offer box, no guarantee
-testimonial needs working on. "one of my clients pauly" is not believable
-How about pauly m from xyz city, state.

These are just the things that jump out at me.

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The Copy Nazi

Banned 12 years ago

Here - MP45 - Best Guide to Build Muscle and Burn Fat for a Six Pack- Get Ripped Fast

In a word - horror-show. Way too busy. Unfocused. All over the shop.

Your use of "best" is subjective.

The answer to your caption under the creepy pic on the right - "Whats the difference between this guy and you?" is "He's dead?". He looks like a corpse.

All the stuff below the fold won't be read. There's nothing to lead you into it.

Badly written/badly laid out. Outcome: fail.

Hire a pro and be done with it.

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ericnyc 12 years ago

Add download/buy button at the end of sales page.
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Billy Levin

12 years ago

Copywriting is something I know very little about, so I'm going to comment on the presentation more than anything.

There is no attention-grabbing headline that is going to make me want to stay on the site for more than a few seconds. All of the other things jumping out at me all at once make me want to click off the site even earlier.

Frankly, some of the images used look quite revolting (for example, the one in the top left). I don't think many people would want to look like that, and certainly wouldn't pay to learn how to look like that.

I don't know if it's just me but the entire page looks very wide, and as a result it looks like there is A LOT of text to read, even if this may not be true.

Good luck with increasing your conversions

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MuscleProdigy

12 years ago

I am actually in the process of changing my landing page so i'll let you guys know when it's done for some added feedback. I'm certainly going to use your suggestions.

I really appreciate the help. It means a lot.

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ejunkie

12 years ago

There is no one single powerful headline. Instead it looks like there are multiple headlines... all vying for attention.

It is confusing actually.

Moreover, there is no need to mention "Whats the difference between this guy and you?" twice. Cut the first one out.

Others have already pointed out what might be wrong with your current page.

One small suggestion, you can try and have the 'download' button above the fold. Try arranging the elements in such a way that it leads to the visible download button.

Right now, one do not know, first, where to look... and secondly, what to do (which is to download or buy, right?}

I think... the issue isn't with the copy/design/flow below the fold.... it is the above the fold part that might be the culprit.

Resist the need to say everything. Just say one single powerful thing that strikes at the hearts of those who want to get fab abs/body/health etc. Especially above the fold.

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Shadowflux

12 years ago

The sales page definitely needs a redesign, there is just way too much going on an there is no visual flow at all. Other people have said this, however, and I'm not going to repeat it in further detail.

I will, however, offer you this suggestion:

Try adding a video or two.

Since you're selling a fitness product, your target customer base is much more likely to respond to a few exciting videos than pages and pages worth of text. They want to get ripped, not read for an hour or two.

Hope that helps!

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KingOfContentMarketing

12 years ago

Holy bench press. Lots going on here, MP. As Ken said, decide on one story line and take the reader through that.

Here's an example of a clear presentation-
The Real Reason You're Flabby, Out of Shape, Or Just Plain Fat...

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Marketing is not a battle of products. It is a battle of perceptions.
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carl preza

12 years ago

Too much content, I only have few seconds to spend on a sales page. Customers wants a clear and direct to the point idea. If it is a work reading your content, they will certainly leave your sight right away.

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RickDuris

12 years ago

As others have correctly pointed out, in terms of copywriting and website design mechanics, there's A LOT that can be improved.

But what's really missing is an identifiable hook. A point of uniqueness or differentiation. The "big idea."

In a sea teeming with similar offers, yours is one of many. Unremarkable.

No, you don't have the celebrity factor of Jillian Michaels.

You don't have the positioning and branding of the beachbody.com products.

But you DO have something you can use to differentiate. You may not know what it is yet, but there are ways to invent one.

- Rick Duris

PS: Check out the thread below. It's the first step:

http://www.warriorforum.com/copywrit...me-up-one.html

Each post inside has something valuable to contribute.

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Tangycontent

12 years ago

There's a lot of great suggestions here... I would suggest a couple more:

1) Drop about 50% of your text. Not including all of the text packed into your images, you have ~4k words on there. Get it down to the key, important points and get the rest of the information into a video.

2) Get some videos. Preferably more than one. Just pay a personal trainer from your local gym or something... but you need video on here!

3) Clear, page-width call to actions that are separated from the content by a bit of space would be very helpful. Something that jumps out to readers

4) I'm assuming this is for PPC and affiliate campaigns? Anyway, the site is far too text heavy in its current format for reading on mobile devices. Load it up on an iPhone and test yourself how long it takes to read through it

5) Try some bolding and highlighting of key points / features / benefits / etc.

Cheers!