My first 15 headlines - help me choose the best | Warrior Forum - The #1 Digital Marketing Forum & Marketplace

The Copy Nazi

Banned 12 years ago

Want to get strait A's on your English essays without the exhaustive studying?

...then don't buy this - I can't even spell "straight".

[ 2 ] Thanks
1 reply

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Steve The Copywriter 12 years ago

Matt,

Forget the 42 word headlines.

Start with a pre - headline.

Use a main headline.

Then some deck copy.

Make it all easy for people to read.

Try something like this for the main headline

"We've Already Solved All Your Essay Writing Problems For You!"

Steve
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MattJackson

12 years ago

Okay - I can't spell, it one of my many weaknesses, It doesn't mean I won't have someone proof read it later, it doesn't mean I don't know my subject and it doesn't mean my products not good.

I apologies for not warning everyone that there will probably lots of careless mistakes but I came here looking for advice not cheap shots at how stupid I am.

Thanks
3 replies

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TheArticlePros

12 years ago

Originally Posted by MattJackson

Okay - I can't spell, it one of my many weaknesses, It doesn't mean I won't have someone proof read it later, it doesn't mean I don't know my subject and it doesn't mean my products not good.

I apologies for not warning everyone that there will probably lots of careless mistakes but I came here looking for advice not cheap shots at how stupid I am.

Matt...we understand what you're saying, but every single impression counts. Remember, there are hundreds of people who read through these forums and never make a single comment. They may be reading this thread right now, looking for their next brilliant writer.

I'm not a copywriter, just a content writer, but I've started reading through here every couple of days because I'd like to add to my arsenal of skills and see who I can follow and learn from. When I see someone whose posts are full of typos, grammatical errors, and mis-spellings, I strike them off of my mental list and don't pay much attention to them.

I think that's what the other poster hand in mind -- not to make you feel bad, but to point out how important checking for these type of errors is.

-- j

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Jonathan 2.0

Banned 12 years ago

Originally Posted by MattJackson

Okay - I can't spell, it one of my many weaknesses, It doesn't mean I won't have someone proof read it later, it doesn't mean I don't know my subject and it doesn't mean my products not good.

I apologies for not warning everyone that there will probably lots of careless mistakes but I came here looking for advice not cheap shots at how stupid I am.

A simple mistake. We all make them sometimes. : )

Thanks

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"Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman

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videolover7

12 years ago

Originally Posted by MattJackson

Okay - I can't spell, it one of my many weaknesses, It doesn't mean I won't have someone proof read it later, it doesn't mean I don't know my subject and it doesn't mean my products not good.

I apologies for not warning everyone that there will probably lots of careless mistakes but I came here looking for advice not cheap shots at how stupid I am.

Don't ever apologize to those two guys again Matt. They should apologize to you for being unnecessarily rude.

Regarding your headline, I'll PM you an eight-minute video I did on headline writing three years ago and recently updated. It'll give you just what you need to write an eyeball-grabbing headline!

VL

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MattJackson

12 years ago

And once again the thread has been hi-jacked by a spelling error. Does anyone want to choose one of the ridiculously poorly spelled headlines I offered.

JaRyCu I've seen your posts on other threads and think you've said a lot of valuable things, but right now I'm not looking to be on anyones list, I don't want to be a copy writer. All I want if for someone to help me choose the best headline out of the ones I've written. if only there was someway I could make that the title of the thread...

Johnathon it is a simple mistake but it doesn't happen to me from time to time to me it happens all the time and its all I ever hear about in this forum. Now is anyone willing to help me with my headlines

Thanks
3 replies

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TheArticlePros 12 years ago

Originally Posted by MattJackson

All I want if for someone to help me choose the best headline out of the ones I've written.

Point taken. Out of your choices, I liked

"Learn what your teacher won't tell you. Start writing A+, well structured, insightful essays in minutes - without studying."

the best because it was short and sweet to me. I liked Steve's headline as well.

-- j
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Jonathan 2.0 Banned 12 years ago

...

If You Can Fill In The _________, Then I'll Show You How To Write A+ Essays
In Less Than 60 Mintues!
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"Each problem has hidden in it an opportunity so powerful that it literally dwarfs the problem. The greatest success stories were created by people who recognized a problem and turned it into an opportunity."―Joseph Sugarman
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Andrew Gould 12 years ago
Originally Posted by MattJackson

Does anyone want to choose one of the ridiculously poorly spelled headlines I offered.

Not really, the only one that doesn't need to be killed with fire is Steve's. And I think we can improve on it slightly by cutting a few words.

And as he said, you could then do with a pre-head and some deck copy. The pre-head can target the audience, and an easy way to do deck copy is just your top few bullets. Giving you something like:

Stop struggling with THE GREAT GATSBY...
"Your Essay Problems Are Solved!"

Guaranteed A+ answers for every common question

Easy to remember, fool-proof essay structures

Secret revision tricks that slash your study time by hours
There you go, it's far from the finished thing but it gives you something to work with (obviously change the bullets for the actual benefits of your guide, preferably ones that differentiate you from the competition).

Then follow it up with proof of your claims.
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Andrew Gould
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- MattJackson 12 years ago
  
  [QUOTE=Andrew Gould;6270316]the only one that doesn't need to be killed with fire is Steve's.
  
  Hahaha thank you for your honesty, that brought a smile to my face. Its just when i see people talking about there favorite heading they always seem to go on and on, I've always thought they were rubbish but its what I've been exposed too.
  
  Will get to work on that now and thank you again for sharing your wisdom
  
  Oh and what is deck copy???
  
  Thanks
  
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- Winston Tenbrink 12 years ago
  
  The pain doesn't really lie in taking the exam.
  
  It comes from the "mind-boggling frustration" when studying their subject before the exam... Or perhaps, "anxiety" students feel when they are about to receive their results.
  
  Promise them something nearly unbelievable, yet still realistic (if that's what your product does.)
  
  Hack away at their frustration and melt down the walls of their anxiety. They don't want to study. They want crazy confidence when waiting for their results, and having their A+s come into their lap easily.
  
  Andrew gave a very good template. It can be something for you to work with... It has a pre-head, a headline and deck copy in the form of bullets. Allows you to expand on multiple benefits.
  
  But please note that your benefits have to be improved on... It has to be more specific. You need to find the golden nuggets that make the sale, and rank them in desire level something like this:
  
  Better
  
  Better
  
  Best!
  
  Then if you're going to pull a John Carlton, you're going to take these 3 main powerful benefits, and expand them in the lead copy, and then again in the story in your body copy, and then AGAIN, in the bullets, and then again and again... all rephrased and by using different verbs, nouns and adjectives. Of course, you're going to build your case using other benefits that should have been found in your research of the market.
  
  -Winston Tenbrink
  
  P.S - I like how you're willing to learn, but just enthusiasm won't cut it. You need to become more resourceful and invest more time and effort in a copywriting education. Otherwise, the short way out is to hire a good copywriter.
  
  Thanks
  
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MattJackson

12 years ago

thank you, i like that one too. I like Steve's as well but it seems a bit...short. Is that a good thing.

Am I hitting all the right bases as far as benefits and emotions are concerned (you can tell I don't know what I'm talking about but someone here will know what i mean)

Thanks

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Gil2gen

12 years ago

Want to get strait A's on your English essays without the exhaustive studying? Let me tell you how you can ace any essay question with ten minutes of study. is the best one.

Thanks

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The Copy Nazi

Banned 12 years ago

Oh for God's sake. Learn to use SpellCheck AND Google. Entering "deck copy" (just like that - in inverted commas - for a "Phrase Match") brings up this site as the first result (on my Firefox browser in Paris anyway) - Deck Copy and an excellent post on headlines from Michel Fortin - Headlines That Pull, Persuade, And Propel! | Michel Fortin on Copywriting, Marketing, Business, and Life

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MattJackson

12 years ago

well you took the time to give me my answer, you could have saved yourself the time it took you to be mean about it

Oh and FYI spell check doesn't differentiate between strait and straight because there are both spelled correctly.

Anyway sorry for wasting you precious time but maybe next time don't read threads made by newbies who have never written a head line (as was indicated by the title) because it seems like your two spelling mistakes away from a heart attack

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Hans Klein

12 years ago

I haven't given this too much thought. So, I might be off. But... here's an idea for positioning to think about...

You're the alternative to buying your paper online... or hiring the smart kid down the hall to write you paper.

Using your shortcuts, you can get an A+ level paper... in 30 minutes (or as low as you can go)... and you won't be accused of cheating and sent to the dean's office.

After all... you don't want to buy papers online b/c nowadays every teacher runs them through copyscape anyway. You also don't want to hire the kid down the hall b/c sooner later you'll get caught. Teachers know what to look for to catch you.

As your headlines are written now, it sounds like you're more going after the college kid who is anxious enough about his/her writing ability to buy a course about it. I don't know enough about your market, but I wonder how many people there are in this situation.

Something else to think about... there's also the adult student market. They haven't written since high-school and might be willing to invest in this kind of thing to pass their English class. There may be a lot of embarrassment and pain for those in this situation and so maybe they'd be willing to pay-up for this.

Best of luck,

Hans

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andynathan

12 years ago

Keep the headline short. I see a paragraph headline like these and I bounce.

Maybe,

Party more! Worry Less! And better grades to boot. How you...

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ejunkie

12 years ago

Originally Posted by MattJackson

Learn what your teacher won't tell you. Start writing A+, well structured, insightful essays in minutes - without studying.

I dig this as well among the ones you wrote.

Although i am not too sure about the teacher bit. Why would a teacher keep something like this from his/her students if he/she knows about it?

I think you should say ... what even your teacher don't know about. You know what i mean.

Moreover, you might perhaps want to combine this with a section from one of your other headlines.... to make it read something like this...

Stop worrying about exams.
And start scoring A+ by writing well structured,
insightful essays in minutes without studying.

If you combine a few of the headlines that you have already written, and keep them targeted at what your offer can do for your readers, you might end up with a few good ones to test & stuff. And then use the one that pulls the most.

By the way, it is good to see that you have actually come up with so many headlines... which is a good thing to do.

Moreover, it is also a good thing that you do not hesitate to put them out & get feedback from others.

And receive critique or criticism with your chin up.

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MattJackson

12 years ago

Thanks for everyone that posted an helped, very good of you to offer your expertise. I'll split test the two best looking ideas... neither of them were mine

Stop struggling with THE GREAT GATSBY...

"Your Essay Problems Are Solved!"
Guaranteed A+ answers for every common question
Easy to remember, fool-proof essay structures
Secret revision tricks that slash your study time by hours

or

Stop worrying about exams.
And start scoring A+ by writing well structured,
insightful essays in minutes without studying.

now I just have to write the rest of it...

Thanks
1 reply

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ThomasOMalley 12 years ago

Test this headline:

"Give Me 30 Minutes and I'll Show You How To Get an A
on Every Essay You Ever Write!"
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colmodwyer

12 years ago

Forget what these hacks think... test them all and let your market decide the best.

Colm

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Steve The Copywriter 12 years ago

Mr Jackson,

I meant to say this earlier but I was frothing with anger and incoherent with rage.

Now somehow I’ve managed to calm down. Just.

Here we are busy counting our money – some of the copywriters here bag up to $97.00 for a sales piece so it doesn’t take them as long.

But for people like The Copy Nazi it can take over 7 hours a day.

It’s almost a full time occupation.

He’s got to count his in Euros being in France - surely you can appreciate how short tempered that makes make him?

Anyway…

You barge in asking for help with 15 – yes 15 headlines.

If that’s not bad enough you have the sheer audacity to make a typo.

That is just disrespful.

It’s an outrage – it really is.

Steve
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MattJackson

12 years ago

I'll hire one as soon as I can afford one, just need to make a few sales first to cover the cost. Til then thanks for all your help with headlines, I think I have what I need for now and split testing shall have the last word. If anyone would like to recommend a beginners guide to copy-writing to help me write the rest of the page...and the follow up e-mails...and the opt in boxs

Thanks

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MattJackson

12 years ago

Well Steve I'm sorry you feel that way, I won't take up any more of your time and feel free to ignore all my posts in the future, if your ever angry with me again just think of all the money your making that I'm not. Thanks for the advice you did give and have fun counting your money.

Thanks

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MattJackson

12 years ago

Copy Nazi I was reading some of Michel Fortin articles like you suggested and spotted this

But in the majority of cases, if you failt to offer a guarantee let alone a strong one, you’re losing a great percentage of potential sales.

So if you can take some time out from counting your money please remember to add him to your blacklist. Just promise not to tell Steve I'm scared at what he might do if he sees a typo like this on an established copy writers published articles rather than a newbies forum post. THen again I'm sure he could beat the murder charge by telling the judge why he is the one weird secret that makes him 847% more innocent than Gandhi

Thanks
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Steve The Copywriter

12 years ago

What!

Fortin made a typo as well as you?

Are you trying to ruin everyones weekednd?

Steve

P.S. Fortunatewly, Fortins error won't actually show up on screens - the super expensive software blocks any mistakes from experienced writers.

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Minds Eye

12 years ago

Originally Posted by Steve The Copywriter

What!

Fortin made a typo as well as you?

Are you trying to ruin everyones weekednd?

Steve

P.S. Fortunatewly, Fortins error won't actually show up on screens - the super expensive software blocks any mistakes from experienced writers.

I trust this one was on purpose just to make a point, eh Steve?? ;-)

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Hugh Thyer 12 years ago

Without reworking what you've done, my favourite was

"Learn what your teacher won't tell you. Start writing A+, well structured, insightful essays in minutes - without studying."

That's from first glance, gut reaction.

I suggest you go back to your bunker, work out which ones aren't really doing it for you, delete them and polish up the 4-5 that are left.

You're off to a good start, but you need to do a lot more work.

Good luck,

Hugh
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atatum

12 years ago

Personally I like Andrew Gould verion

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Mr. Subtle

12 years ago

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ejunkie 12 years ago

Originally Posted by Mr. Subtle

Nice.

Great headline.

Great design.
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MattJackson

12 years ago

is this an example i should try and recreate or are you giving it to me as a suggestion?

Also does anyone find that women really scary, its like combining my two childhood fears of clowns and transsexuals

Thanks
1 reply

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gordonlds

12 years ago

Originally Posted by MattJackson

is this an example i should try and recreate or are you giving it to me as a suggestion?

Also does anyone find that women really scary, its like combining my two childhood fears of clowns and transsexuals

I like her!!

Her pose seems to say "I don't care if anybody finds me scary" No not really more like "Who gives me luck" or something like that

Thanks

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The Marketeer

12 years ago

You've got a lot of good ideas already but just need to tweak some of them.

Has anyone who's used your system been able to achieve straight A's?

If so you could use a story headline and stack up the benefits in it.

Thanks

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MattJackson

12 years ago

thanks for you help now guys but I have a few headlines I'm trying. I haven't even written the rest of the copy yet and have a million other things to do so I think it's time to close this thread

thanks so much for everyone who gave a suggestion

Thanks

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rantrally

12 years ago

Shorter is better. My favorite:

Learn what your teacher won't tell you. Start writing A+, well structured, insightful essays in minutes – without studying.

It appeals to users b/c it offers some secret that "teachers won't tell you." Secrets, the taboo, etc, have an appeal that get users to click.

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gjabiz

12 years ago

The HEADLINE must match the target.

So, here are some questions to answer:

Where exactly is the traffic coming from? Generic SEO? PPC? How are they finding your web site?

What are they signing up for? What is your sign up rate, number of unique visitors that actually sign up for your series of tips?

Why would they want this? Why not just offer the product? It doesn't seem like something which requires so much pre-selling, in my opinion.

You might want to TEST this, a sales page only vs. your email campaign.

AFTER you have clearly identified the source of traffic, then you can create several headlines, test them in rotation...

Your market is... students.
The Great Gatsby is one of the most required reading assignments.

For most, it is a dead boring read...oh, if only there were vampires...

For PROFESSORS, and teachers, it is one of the most profound works ever written.

What does your TARGET want? An A+ with little to no studying.

What does the professor want? A well thought out essay on the work.

Your headline, targeting your would be customers, should resonate quickly with your reader.

Quick. Easy. A few bux saves tons of time.

With the movie coming out soon, the time is right to jump all over this because these pompous professors will be spending much time pointing out the mistakes and misunderstandings the movie makes.

Anyhow,

Mr. Subtle's graphic tells that story quickly visually.

Spend 20 minutes ... get an A+

So, how do you convert that into a headline...

Discover the 5 Secrets to the Great Gatsby every professor wants to see in your essay...and get an A+ Guaranteed.

How to Write an A+ Essay on The Great Gatsby...with only 20 minutes of study time.

Why Professor's LOVE the Great Gatsby and the 7 things they look for in an A+ essay on the book.

OF course, you go from the headline and tell your reader how quick, how easy, how simple it is to get the essence of the Great Gatsby, how they can quickly skim the book and spear out the most important bits which make an essay sparkle.

Take them through a story, or case study, perhaps your own...How I Spent 20 minutes reading The Great Gatsby...and still managed an A+ on my essay...it was the easiest A+ I've ever gotten.

Students are overloaded with reading assignments, which is why Cliff's Notes and Classic Comics, bar cheats, hotsheets are thriving.

Students don't really have the time or desire to read and then have to think.

Here's How to Get an A+ on Your Great Gatsby Essay Without Even Thinking About It.

You start with an understanding of your target's preoccupation, in this case the wasting of time reading just to get a good grade...

So, any shortcut, anything which saves them the time...and in exchange for a little money, they are FREE from the drudgery of reading and THINKING.

KNOWING this, understanding your target's desires is the starting point...THEN,

KNOWING where they come from, how they find you....

you are now ready to write a headline, deck copy, whatever else you need to get your message...

QUICK...EASY...NO WASTED TIME....A+ MATERIAL and perhaps a small discount incentive to buy NOW...

My opinion, and only testing will prove this...writing a series or even doing a name capture is a waste of time when something like this begs to be sold on the spot...

Good luck, hope this helped a little.

gjabiz

Thanks
1 reply

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superowid

12 years ago

Hi,
Forget the perfection... and just do it!
I think gjabiz just gave you the golden egg.

Good luck!

Originally Posted by gjabiz

The HEADLINE must match the target.

So, here are some questions to answer:

Where exactly is the traffic coming from? Generic SEO? PPC? How are they finding your web site?

What are they signing up for? What is your sign up rate, number of unique visitors that actually sign up for your series of tips?

Why would they want this? Why not just offer the product? It doesn't seem like something which requires so much pre-selling, in my opinion.

You might want to TEST this, a sales page only vs. your email campaign.

AFTER you have clearly identified the source of traffic, then you can create several headlines, test them in rotation...

Your market is... students.
The Great Gatsby is one of the most required reading assignments.

For most, it is a dead boring read...oh, if only there were vampires...

For PROFESSORS, and teachers, it is one of the most profound works ever written.

What does your TARGET want? An A+ with little to no studying.

What does the professor want? A well thought out essay on the work.

Your headline, targeting your would be customers, should resonate quickly with your reader.

Quick. Easy. A few bux saves tons of time.

With the movie coming out soon, the time is right to jump all over this because these pompous professors will be spending much time pointing out the mistakes and misunderstandings the movie makes.

Anyhow,

Mr. Subtle's graphic tells that story quickly visually.

Spend 20 minutes ... get an A+

So, how do you convert that into a headline...

Discover the 5 Secrets to the Great Gatsby every professor wants to see in your essay...and get an A+ Guaranteed.

How to Write an A+ Essay on The Great Gatsby...with only 20 minutes of study time.

Why Professor's LOVE the Great Gatsby and the 7 things they look for in an A+ essay on the book.

OF course, you go from the headline and tell your reader how quick, how easy, how simple it is to get the essence of the Great Gatsby, how they can quickly skim the book and spear out the most important bits which make an essay sparkle.

Take them through a story, or case study, perhaps your own...How I Spent 20 minutes reading The Great Gatsby...and still managed an A+ on my essay...it was the easiest A+ I've ever gotten.

Students are overloaded with reading assignments, which is why Cliff's Notes and Classic Comics, bar cheats, hotsheets are thriving.

Students don't really have the time or desire to read and then have to think.

Here's How to Get an A+ on Your Great Gatsby Essay Without Even Thinking About It.

You start with an understanding of your target's preoccupation, in this case the wasting of time reading just to get a good grade...

So, any shortcut, anything which saves them the time...and in exchange for a little money, they are FREE from the drudgery of reading and THINKING.

KNOWING this, understanding your target's desires is the starting point...THEN,

KNOWING where they come from, how they find you....

you are now ready to write a headline, deck copy, whatever else you need to get your message...

QUICK...EASY...NO WASTED TIME....A+ MATERIAL and perhaps a small discount incentive to buy NOW...

My opinion, and only testing will prove this...writing a series or even doing a name capture is a waste of time when something like this begs to be sold on the spot...

Good luck, hope this helped a little.

gjabiz

Thanks

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My first 15 headlines - help me choose the best

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