9 replies
If you have time give me a quick critique of my site's home page that being jasonsaggs.com Any pointers would be grand thank you and yes am prepared to be told go away and come back when ready though of course also ready for kind words as well...Thank you in advance Jason
  • Profile picture of the author colmodwyer
    You talk more about yourself than your prospect. Also, offer is confusing... it appears you're trying to position yourself as a copywriter but you mention your article writing services too, which you have a sample page for, but no sales copy sample page.

    Bottom-line, not too compelling from a prospect's point of view I think.

    Colm
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    • Originally Posted by colmodwyer View Post

      Also, offer is confusing... it appears you're trying to position yourself as a copywriter but you mention your article writing services too, which you have a sample page for, but no sales copy sample page.
      Jason, this is your the biggest obstacle right now. It's not crystal clear what you are selling. Are you a content writer or a copywriter?
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      Marketing is not a battle of products. It is a battle of perceptions.
      - Jack Trout
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  • Profile picture of the author saggsee
    Thank you Colmodwyer. Advice taken and if anybody else happens to stop by this thread I have updated the site...
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  • Putting it bluntly,


    not enough info. And the colour scheme sucks (no offense).

    Write more (but keep it relevant), and take away most of the colours; use sparingly, to give added effect.


    Also, that text box at the top; get rid of it. Doesn't mesh well.



    Do that, and Ill have another look!




    Ben.
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  • Profile picture of the author the goat
    You have incorrect grammar on a writing site which will probably lower the confidence level of your potential customers.

    1. In your header, don't is a contraction with an apostrophe, it is not dont.
    2. "Purpose of web copy is to...". You started in the middle of a sentence.
    3. "I will happily write all your web copy for you". All of your would be correct grammar here.
    4. "As soon as I receive your message I shall be in contact with yourself" Yourself?

    My advice would be to take extra care to make sure you have no grammatical errors given the nature of your business. It always helps to have someone else proofread and edit things, even the best writers do this to make sure they don't miss anything.
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  • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
    Hi Jason,

    Here's a few quick thoughts for you:

    The missing apostrophe in your header and unnecessary apostrophe in your first line don't create a great first impression.

    Your navigation elements are the same - get rid of one of them.

    The opening block quote doesn't need to be quite so colorful and the quote itself doesn't flow into your body copy at all.

    Thanking me for reading at the very start is a waste of your first line and implies you're selling from your heels.

    On my Mac (in Firefox and Safari) your bullet graphic isn't lined up with the text.

    The bullets themselves are a bit bland, a bit run-of-the-mill, and a bit too feature rather than benefit oriented (plus you're missing another little punctuation mark in there).

    If you're going to claim your copy for clients will be professionally written and formatted then your own site should act as an example.

    You're not providing any proof or credibility elements.

    Why should someone hire you over any other copywriter?

    You need to give more detail, there's simply not enough copy to convince a prospect you're the writer for them.

    What exactly is it you're offering and who are you targeting with your offer?

    Any pointers would be grand thank you and yes am prepared to be told go away and come back when ready though of course also ready for kind words as well
    Sorry Jason, but it's a "come back when ready" from me.
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    Andrew Gould

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  • I would break down the term "web copy" (content or ghostwriting) into specific services: articles, blog posts, product reviews or whatever content you write. Don't make people think. Tell them exactly what you write and how that will help them. Overexplain it. Show examples of what you've written. Tell them what to do next. Tell them what will happen after that.

    If you are planning to offer sales copywriting I would separate that out on a different site. The two markets rarely cross.
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    Marketing is not a battle of products. It is a battle of perceptions.
    - Jack Trout
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  • Profile picture of the author Daniel Scott
    You have a LOT more work to do on your skills before you charge anyone for your services.

    Start by reading and digesting some of the classic copywriting books listed in the sticky.

    Your site - and your skills - are so far off the mark that a critique is useless.

    -Daniel
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    Always looking for badass direct-response copywriters. PM me if we don't know each other and you're looking for work.

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  • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
    Jason!

    I hate being a broken record 'round these parts...

    ...but I resonate with what Daniel said; you're not ready to write for clients.

    Not even clients you approach to work for free.

    What I'd do in your situation - if you're genuinely interested in being of service to people - is either creating and selling your own product...

    Or...

    Doing some affiliate marketing.

    You need to show yourself you're capable of writing converting copy a few times BEFORE you even think about trying to affect other people's lives.

    This really comes down to ethics.

    It's not ethical to offer services when it's obvious your writing skills aren't anywhere near the level of competency that copywriting clients need and demand.

    This isn't a put down.

    Your posted your copy.

    It's an honest representation of where you're at RIGHT NOW.

    Take the next necessary steps to prove to yourself that you can sell.

    That's being responsible.

    That's having integrity.

    Mark Pescetti

    P.S. It never even occurred to me to write for other people until I realized that I could do for others what I manifested for myself.

    That being said...

    Every market is different.

    Yes...

    There are certain aspects of copywriting that have their place in EVERY MARKET.

    True dat.

    However...

    You need to digest all the complicated aspects involved in each distinct niche or industry and learn how to break things down so a 5th grader could understand it.

    That takes a certain level of knowing human nature, fundamental psychology and having the basic awareness to see through things - so you can write about a product or service on an emotional level, rather than with an intellectual tone. (Do you have to x-ray glasses on?)

    Your copy doesn't reveal that you're aware of these nuances yet.

    And it's those little things that make the difference between being able to craft converting copy...

    ...or writing complete dribble.
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