Need help increasing conversions for online sales letter

1. It's all about you. Make it about the prospect.

2. Letter is pretty long. Do prospects your age have the attention spans to read such a letter? I dunno for sure but all your photos are young dudes so I am assuming that's the market you are writing for.

3. only 1 payment option.

4. Layout is quite slick and makes the letter look like a lot of other online bodybuilding sales letters. You might try a more old-fashioned layout or one that uses sidebars.

Everyone and their grandparents are saying the same thing as you. I personally don't see anything that would make me want to buy your product over say...

Anthony Ellis' muscle building coach workout - In fact, I'm sure he's the guy who put on 30lbs in like 3 months? Pretty impressive.

You've got to stand out, and set yourself apart from all the other people claiming the same thing. You've got to find that one little thing that makes you different from everyone else, and make it the forefront of your advertising. Or at least, put it towards the top of your copy (headline or deck copy), and make it a prominent point.


Another few things:


- Your before photo makes you look about 14. Not trying to be rude, but it's like you've just taken a photo of you at a young age, then one of you now, and made it out like you've packed on muscle in a short time.


- Your spacing. All of your paragraphs are packed tightly together. I read half of it, then began scrolling, and it appears to me to be just a giant block of text - not very enticing to a prospect.

Space it out some, and try and get your bullets to break up the copy a bit. This should help.



These are all in addition to what Loren said. Combine both our points, and you should see an increase.

There's only one thing I disagree with Loren about - the length. People will read it, if they are interested. Its YOUR job (or your copywriters) to keep them interested.
Lose them for one second, and you've blown it. This applies most specifically to search engine prospects (it's easier with subs). You need to make your sales page, what we call a 'slippery slope'.

Once your prospect gets on that slope (your copy), it's greased all the way down and they're on for the ride. Read through your copy, and see where the sticking points are - you might find specific areas where your copy isn't quite smooth enough.

It doesn't have to be perfect to get money - but it should be smooth enough to keep them reading.


Hope this helps,




Ben Palmer-Wilson

I think you've answered your own question.

Most success-certain strategy? Get people on your list, first. Build the relationship and trust, let them know you, and then introduce your program.

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Ben's right. You've got a lot of pieces to the puzzle, but the market is cluttered with competitors saying the same thing.

What makes your program so special/different? Please don't say "Because it works." Because your competition is saying the same thing.

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I'd install Clicktale.com and see where prospects are bailing.

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I'd say your design needs work. Do some competitive research.

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A video sales letter would work rather easily with what you've got. And you should test it. Again, do the competitive research.

- Rick Duris

You may want to try CPV traffic instead of PPC traffic. It's a lot less expensive, so you can get a lot more traffic for the some amount of outlay.

As was mentioned above, selling to your own list is going to get you more conversions. You could work on increasing your list with a FREE offer. Promote your product as an OTO on the page where they download your FREE offer. This strategy would build your list and get you more sales at the same time.

A video of your product would vault you past a lot of your competition (which would help in your very competitive niche). I'd consider adding a video as soon as you can.