Trying This Again Please Let Me Know What You Think Critique 2.0

If You Want The Exact Steps To Having Conversations That Make Women Call You Back To Hang Out, Have 10x More Friends In Your Social Circle, Consistently Get Invited To Parties, Get-Togethers And Other Social Events Then This Will Be The Most Important Letter You Ever Read...

The "sub-head" is a glob of hard-to-read text and violates a basic rule of sales copy: clarity.

VL

You need to focus the copy. Either pick the "get women" approach, or the "create a great social circle" approach. Either works, but trying to do both dilutes your approach. I agree about the subhead, but I don't think that's what's killing this thing. The overall copy needs a lot of editing. There are many places that are unclear and/or not easy to read through.

One last thing. The writing on your blog is much better. If you wrote your sales copy more like that you'd get a better result.

Chris,

Unless it's my monitor, your copy looks like it's squeezed/condensed into a width of about 400 pixels wide.

So it's very tough to read. I see you're going for the Eben Pagan style of design/layout...

Double Your Dating | Ebook

So try to copy more of how he has his width set up. Right now your layout is
very tough to read because it screams amateur.

and some of your subheads just don't make sense...

Most Men Don't Get How To Approach "New People" Works

I just don't know what that means?

Also, it's best not to use / to separate words in headlines,
or anywhere in copy, for that matter...

“How To Avoid Social Humiliation/Rejection

And I'd spell out Ten Times instead of using
10x More Friends

I can see that you swiped eben's double your
dating letter... so you're learning from the best.

But much of the letter doesn't really have that
WoW factor it needs.

I think you'd be better off going with one or two HUGE promises
and benefits your product offers, and take that and run
with it.

For example, think of the most pressing problems your market
has... what motivates them most... and angle your copy
to target those.

Look, no doubt your prospects are motivated to be able to
talk to people, get more friends, get more dates, etc...

so try and think of the biggest benefits your product offers...
be specific as possible... and also think "end result" benefits...
and just go with those throughout the letter.

I guess it just needs to be more focused, and clearer as to what
you can help your reader do. How can you solve their problems,
ease their pains and frustrations, make them happier, etc...

Reading the letter, I just don't get that its focused enough...
like you're trying to do too many things, and I think you'd
get better results if you narrowed your focus more and
really thought of the prospects most pressing issues and
cover those.