Would appreciate some critique for 'Product Creation' copy

Allow me to get the link up properly so others can access this easier...

Million Dollar Questions - Product

How about in exchange for giving you a critique... you offer those copywriters who provide you with lots of good advice a free copy of this product?

Fair exchange?


Mark Andrews

Hey Neeraj,

First, let's get a clickable link:

Million Dollar Questions - Product

Now, on with my thoughts:

The main problem is you don't go into enough detail about the product. From reading your pitch all I know is I'm getting 1500 questions designed to give me product creation ideas. And that's it. You give more detail for the bonuses (and it seems like the first bonus should be part of the core product).

If I was writing it, I'd focus on the questions themselves, giving away samples of them in the copy (with 1500 you can give away plenty before you risk hurting the product).

A few, more minor problems:

You need a native English speaking proofreader.

The header and box art look a bit amateur-ish and out of place with the rest of the page.

No where in the copy do you expand on the headline (which looks like a rip-off of a Clay Collins one).

In the deck copy, very few of your readers will "want to create the next best internet marketing product" and saying their product would "sell straight out-of-the-box" is contradicting your headline.

What's a "massive buyer issue idea list" and why do I want one?

Space out the first "$140" section more.

Make more of your previous WSO and use a screenshot of your WSO+ account (and tell them they can easily verify it themselves).

Your next section completely contradicts itself.

Flip your photo (or put it on the right) so you're facing the copy.

Don't use "we", stick with "I", or introduce your "we".

That should be enough to keep you busy, good luck.

What the ****?

Beautiful sales page, ugly ass product image

Ugly ass banner

And most of all, I am extremely confused about what your product actually IS

I dont get it, what are you selling? What am I buying????

Extremely confusing as soon as you hit the part about the product. I dont even understand what you are trying to sell to me. Whats in the product? What is it? I know its about product creation but what the hell is it?

You also have exactly 0 proof

Ok, so made massive amounts of changes to include some of the recommendations (got it proofread it too!)

So here it is: Million Dollar Questions - Sales Page 2

The proof still needs to be added (in the section where I say I earned $13,000+) but other than that, I hope its a dramatic improvement. Feedback would be very much appreciated still!

Thank you!

princecapri,

You're missing a key pain point. Or at the very least, not digging the knife into the bloody wound.

And it's this:


Warriors already know they need to make a product. And most newbies already know what they want to make.

Its the "WHATEVER" factor that puts mental breaks on them from doing it.

It'd strongly consider digging the knife a little deeper into the whole "get your ass in gear mode" vibe.

Or maybe a "You've been put on this earth to do amazing these. It's your time now", kinda thing.

You know, a systemic process to chunk down big ideas into doable bits and pieces.

Heck, this is what my clients need. This is what I need. To be able to focus long enough on a "bit" sized piece to get the project going into the right direction.

Another point of view.

Fair points Sean and Copyassasin, noted and will amend

Copyassasin - love the insight. Its a great perspective that I hadn't thought of. While I was tryint to convince people to become product creators, I should have focused on the idea that they already want to be, just need that push. Again, appreciate it.

Hi Neeraj,

Always nice to see someone making an effort to implement the feedback they're given.

Here's a few more thoughts for you:

If you're planning to sell this as a WSO, you want to reformat the sales page to between 750 and 780 pixels wide (http://www.warriorforum.com/main-int...ial-offer.html).

The header is an improvement, but I'm not convinced it's needed. I'd make your headline bigger and incorporate what the header says into it.

I still don't think you expand on the headline enough, and when you do it's too far down in the copy.

Flip the picture of the kid. The reason (and the reason I recommended you flip your own picture) is that your eye is drawn from the boy to his "product". That is, away from the copy. You want to draw the eye toward the copy. And give all your photos captions.

Condense and simplify your own story, at the moment it's a bit all over the place.

Make more of the fact you've done market research for Apple - I'd want it somewhere in the headline.

I'd be tempted to make the "...Over The Shoulder Product Creation Training..." the main product and have the questions as the bonus.

And finally, get your proofreader to check it again, there's still a few errors in there.

Good luck.

Thanks again, Andrew. The picture is better but like you said, needs to point towards the copy. Will rework the Apple thing and focus more on the coaching, but I think it might be too late to refocus towards the coaching instead of questions!

And shall contact the proofreader again

Something to think about...

Does everything on that site have a purpose? And I mean everything.

The wording, graphics, layout, etc.

And... is the purpose of everything obvious?

Don't leave it to the reader to try and guess what you're trying to say. If your graphics don't give an obvious message, they shouldn't be there.

If the layout doesn't make it easy to read, change it.

To be honest, I don't even feel like beginning to read right from the headline.

What purpose do all those colours serve?

Get people wanting to read what you've written.

Change the layout and I'll try to read the copy.

And like Andrew said, you need to change the width. It's too wide.

Not meaning to sound harsh, but if your prospects feel the same way I do, you get no sales.

And, yes, I am the market.

Hey Rezbi, thanks for the insight. We have edited the width to suit WF, so that's all sorted! As for whether everything has a purpose - well, its subjective. I have tried to write the letter so that an average reader could learn more about me, my background, the product and then make an informed decision whether the product (and I) is for them. The product is not simply something tangible, so for them to buy it, they have to be on the same wavelength as me - and I am cool with that!

Seeing how I will be working closely with buyers for some time to come, I don't want quick-click buyers to purchase this product. More than money, I am looking quality of buyers, which you don't often see for a $10 product

Are the colors putting you off? Or is it the content? I have tried to side-step from the red and black theme that letters on WF generally use...just to make it more friendly rather than shouting "BUY IT NOW". But I am keen to know more, what's putting you off in the headline?

If you haven't read it I would recommend getting Tested advertising methods by john Caples.

You'll get a lot out of it.

Will do. Right now I am reading Breakthrough Advertising, and its mind-blowing! I love the detailed analysis in it

Perfect copy is like the slippery slide that Joe Sugarman defines. With your sales page I felt like I was wading into a marsh of excessive verbiage. I think you need to prune it down. Hit the prospect in the opening paragraph with a graphic vision of how his life is about to be transformed and then follow up with some powerful bullets. Then some solid proof. But never let him off the hook. (So make sure you've got one hell of a hook first).

Correct me if I'm wrong but doesn't your new sales page say:

And bonus webinars that cover:

If that is so then it looks like a great product.

The Marketer, you are correct.

I am very proud of the product I am launching, and I am honest about the details too (the webinar, for example).

princecapri,

If I were you I would pay close attention to Marcia's points - and any other questions you might get - as these are things that need to be clarified.

If you can't iron them out here, and your target market has them, you have problems.

The advantage you have on this forum is that people can ask these questions immediately.

When the site goes live, your target market will not have that luxury. And even they did, it's doubtful they would bother.

Take what you get here and make use of every single thing.

You can't afford to leave any stone unturned, any question unanswered.

This is the point of being a salesman in print - you anticipate any and all objections and answer them to the satisfaction of the reader.

If you don't, you can kiss your reader goodbye.

One thing John Carlton always does is to make sure his students leave their egos at the door, or in a garbage can.

Anyone who comes on here asking for help has to do just that.

Unless you know with absolute certainty that you are right (in which case why are you asking for help) you have to swallow every pill you're given. No matter how bitter it is.

I don't understand why people seem to have a problem with the market research aspect of this product.

Right in the headline (which is a great headline), he states he makes his living as a Market Researcher and he's worked for Apple.

On the very first line of his updated sales copy Version 2 it says:


Then he explains a bit about himself:

Then he says later,

Does he really need to explain any more how he put the product together?

Surely we don't expect him to give away the secrets of his trade, do we?

The Marketeer - I really should add that to my sales page!

But guys, no worries.

Here's the thing - I wrote this sales copy not in the hopes of getting more sales and more refunds. Instead, I wrote this with the idea that people who sign up really will be interested in what I have to offer.

I don't know about other copywriters, but for me, this product is a business (well, part of a business) and I am selective about who purchases my product - though I allow everyone to have a chance to purchase it.

I know that traditionally, sales copies are supposed to SELL SELL SELL, but I will tell the same thing to you that I tell my affiliates - promote/buy this if it fits your business and if you like the product. If it doesn't I don't want to hurt your business just to earn a few extra bucks.

The whole issue here is that I have not simplified the copy enough.

Truth is - I have. I really have. I have gone into as many details as were necessary (then some said that it is too detailed)

Most copies that you see on WF are full of unanswered questions, and built around hype. I said in my opening post that hype is not my intention, and I sincerely hope that the copy reflects that ideal.

In the latest version of the sales copy, I have highlighted the background on how I created the product (though I really should have used The Marketeer's image). However, I really don't think any more detail, or any emphasis on that is required. I will use the restaurant analogy again - would you give your secret recipe to a customer just so that he wants to eat at your restaurant? Probably not!

Keeping Rezbi's point in mind - I am taking everyone's suggestions on board. But if I implemented all of them, I might end up with something which doesn't agree with my approach in getting clients (yes, even though this is a product, I am looking for clients, not buyers. No matter if this sells 1 or 1,000 copies - each buyer to me is a client - and I value all of them!)

Again, I have taken feedback from this thread and implemented the changes, so I appreciate all the discussion.

But I think now we are arguing for the sake of it. I would wish we can stop this argument now.

Dear Copywriters,

The thread is now LIVE : http://www.warriorforum.com/warrior-...ame-again.html

I really appreciate the feedback given on this thread, and given technical difficulties and other things, I feel that the sales thread now is pretty good.

As mentioned in Post #6, those that offered solid advice will be offered a review copy (you don't even have to leave a review - I just appreciate your feedback). I will be in touch within the next hour. If I don't get in touch with you, please contact me (if you would like a copy, that is) - though I might not be able to get you seat on webinars (especially if we get a lot of participants).

Thank you,
Neeraj.

Which is why you are a copywriter and I am not

No worries Rezbi - you are all right, and I am wrong, settled?