Please Critique My Long Form Sales Page

For $147 your sales copy needs to be far more informative.

The more informative you are the more persuasive your sales letter will be.

Your main headline needs looking at for starters, I doubt very much this is your strongest benefit?

And your deck (introduction) is nigh on nonexistent. This is where you would normally warm up your potential buyers to ease them into a Yes! frame of mind. (Going straight into your first set of bullet points isn't helping you either).

Remember... every word you write, every sentence you construct, every paragraph you string together...

...all of these elements combined will have to a more or lesser degree an emotional impact in the mind of your readers.

For every 'bad' sentence you write, unintentionally all you're doing is placing an inadvertent 'filter' directly into your sales copy. Visitors, readers when they read these words, if there is any inkling at all, in the absolute slightest your words are not ringing true to them, do you know what they'll do?

They'll click out off your sales page in a split second. Precisely the opposite of what you want them to do.

You need to try and write out your key benefits conversationally. As if you were talking to your best friend sitting across the table from you. So in this market, your target audience...

What are their top feelings of frustration and emotional pain they're likely to be experiencing? What are the key questions or objections going through their mind whilst considering your offer?

This comes back to the point I made above stating... the more informative your sales copy, the more persuasive it will be.

Try then to put yourself into your target market' shoes.

Think how they think.

Understand their precise needs from their point of view. And then in natural progression overcome each of these objections raised, one at a time, in a logical emotional and sequenced order. One question and answer leading to the next. (A stream of water will always try to find the easiest way down).

This will help build trust in your product and give you the credibility you seek in your readers eyes.

You've completed the hardest part, getting these potential hot leads onto your website. Now like a highly greased shute you want them to swiftly slide down through your sales copy so they're left at the end feeling positively refreshed with all of the answers you've supplied them with...

...and now all you do is to ask for the order. In other words, in the concluding part of your sales letter actually direct your readers, herd them like sheep, tell them what is expected of them to do next.

As regards the design and layout of your sales copy. Simplify it. It's a little too busy. It looks a mite hectic. Confused even.

Do away with anything which impedes the sale. Clearly state your benefits only in your bullet points and cover these again in your postscript (PS) points at the end.

Use a mixture of shorter sentences.

And longer sentences. This will help to maintain the readers interest.

Use a segmented storyline provided in two parts, someone real or fictional your readers can easily relate to. Part 1 just below your deck (introduction) and part 2 closer to the end where you ask for the sale.

Use conversational connectors throughout your sales copy to keep the reader constantly sliding further down your sales funnel.

I hope these few basic tips help you out. This isn't all the info you need but it's enough to gently nudge you in the right direction for now.

Give me a shout if you need further assistance. My email address is just below my user name, top left hand corner.

Warmest regards,


Mark Andrews

I agree. I've had great success with the exact same "how-to" sales pitch in a bare-bones article-style format tested against a fully-produced custom graphics format.

I'm also not a big fan of chapter excerpts in sales letters for books or ebooks. To me it slows the flow. I like to work that info into the letter itself organically. Your mileage may vary. At the very least, add in a few bullets that give very useful, solid tips they can use right away.

You'll put odds in your favor by matching your message to the experiences and knowledge your target audience has on the subject.

Best,
Ewen