Doesn't this client sound like a peach?

14 replies
I ran across this job post today and my jaw dropped.

They're expecting to get someone who is a copywriter, a graphic artist, knows PHP, MySQL using InnoDB: all for the bargain basement price of $150-$350. This is for a job that will last 10 days... which means the lucky winner will get paid $15-$35 per day. For creating a total of 35 unique emails, dripped over the 10-day time period.

I'm sure they're getting slammed with applicants...

And, it's one of the reasons why I'm leaning toward creating my own products and services and selling 'em myself.

Here's the posting. Note: It's posted as is. I did not emphasize anything. It's their brilliance on display.
Email EXPERT: Copywriter, Graphic Designer, PHP & InnoDB

Project ID: 1739886
Project Type: Fixed
Budget: $150-$350 USD
(Approx. $190-$446 SGD)

Project Description:
We require a HTML email template design that will incorporate our company logo, colours, look and feel, contact information. Competitive bid will be given greater consideration. We are located in the Mountain Daylight Savings Time Zone and expect you to be available during our regular hours. We are the client. When we need to discuss requirements then you will need to be available during our work hours, not vice-versa.

Other team members are in the Bulgaria, Russia, Ukraine, Romania area so it would be good if you were in the same time zone to work with them but I am in Canada.

You are a professional with copywriting skills, SMTP email expert, HTML graphic designer and fully functional with PHP and MySQL using InnoDB.

Each email will convey a different message. Some to customers and some emails are to internal staff. You will have copywriting skills to compose professionally written content. You also possess graphic designer abilities to design our HTML email and incorporate our EXISTING logo.

You will be experienced with MySQL using the InnoDB database engine. These are all business emails. The emails will also include data from tables. We can assist in identifying where to find the data and the database schema. You are a skilled PHP developer with minimum 5 years experience to read the tables and include the relevant data in the emails.

These are not for any marketing campaign or for mass emailing; all the emails are event driven. When the event occurs then the email must be generated automatically and emailed. There is no send button to press. I repeat they are EVENT drive. When certain events occur in the application then an email is triggered to be sent. Some of the emails are notifications like low inventory level and some are email reports.

Some of the emails will also be sent encrypted using LuxSci end-to-end SecureSend email service. A background in this area would be preferred.

We have about 35 emails for which the barebones are in place. They are sparse without the proper content. Some do get generated when a triggering event occurs others don't.

You will be required to FULLY test every email by creating the triggering events and successfully have each type sent to an email account which has been setup for testing. Full functionality must be demonstrated.

Each email needs an "office use only" sections where we will have data codes that will help us identify the recipient should s/he call to make inquiries.

You must be available to start now and need to commit to completing this job within 10 calendar days, 3.5 emails per day. That means a weekend may need to be worked. PROJECT MUST BE DONE IN 10 CALENDAR DAYS FROM DATE OF ACCEPTANCE OR IT WILL BE MARKED INCOMPLETE. You will provide DAILY UPDATES - I hope you understand what daily updates means. At the end of each day you will send me an email of the work done for that day. If you do not comply you will get a ZERO,0, rating.

The emails will be prioritized as we need some done immediately and others later. No up-front milestone will be paid out and we will not pay a large initial milestone until after you have demonstrated your work.

Additional Project Description:
07/08/2012 at 0:35 SGT:
PDF file with emails overview is attached.

Skills required:
Copywriting , Graphic Design , MySQL , PHP , System Admin
Source
#client #peach #sound
  • Profile picture of the author Ben Rudge
    Awesome! Some people just don't get it, do they? I've seen similar postings and it cracks me up everytime!
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  • Profile picture of the author ThomasOMalley
    Sign me up...sign me up..LOLOL

    You are exactly correct...they would be one of the worst clients ever.

    If you take them on as a client, you should be practicing, "Would you like fries with that?"
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  • Profile picture of the author IronMike
    Wow that job listing is nuts! It always makes me laugh when I see jobs like this that require several skills that can take years to perfect with such low pay offers. I wonder if I could make an ad for and find a lawyer dentist mechanic masseuse chef bodybuilding tailor who can also mix cocktails and explain the meaning of life.

    The sad part is they will probably be inundated with responses from freelancers who just happen to be "experts" in every one of the exact areas the client happens to need skills.
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  • Profile picture of the author RecoveringTeacher
    Someone from Pakistan or India will take it- I've been amazed by how little freelancers from those countries are willing to accept.
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    • Profile picture of the author MRMagMark
      Originally Posted by RecoveringTeacher View Post

      Someone from Pakistan or India will take it- I've been amazed by how little freelancers from those countries are willing to accept.
      Me, too, RT. That's why I was curious and did a search on what the average salary was for Singapore. Part of me thought, "Maybe that's a decent wage for them."

      And... no. That's not even a decent wage for sewer rat.
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  • Profile picture of the author MRMagMark
    You guys confirmed my reaction. Yeah... "fries with that" indeed!

    I just realized that SGD is Singapore Dollars. Holy cow. Just did a search for the average yearly salary for Singapore and found out it was $34,608. (link)

    Which equals around $16 per hour. (@ $133 per day gross) And these dolts want to pay only $19-$44 per day?!!!!

    I'm sure those PHP developers with 5 years experience (who also happen to be copywriting gods) are just whooping it up, screaming "Pick ME....OOOOOO PICK MEEEEEEE!!!!"
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  • Profile picture of the author NickN
    I hate it when folks posting these jobs think they're in total control. Who's going to want to work for someone that comes across as a demanding ass-munch right from the get go?

    "You need to do this...", "You need to be available at this time..."

    LOL.

    Nah, bro. You need to realize you're not in the position to make such lofty demands if you want someone to take on your job.
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    • Profile picture of the author CallOfTheMild
      I can see why they need a writer. They suck at it.

      I think only the desperate would apply. I'm new to this and even I'm not that desperate.

      Micromanaging anyone? No thanks!
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    • Profile picture of the author angiecolee
      Originally Posted by NickN View Post

      I hate it when folks posting these jobs think they're in total control. Who's going to want to work for someone that comes across as a demanding ass-munch right from the get go?

      "You need to do this...", "You need to be available at this time..."

      LOL.

      Nah, bro. You need to realize you're not in the position to make such lofty demands if you want someone to take on your job.
      Heh. You said ass-munch. LOL

      Yeah seriously...if I wanted someone to be breathing down my neck and trying to control every aspect of every-friggin-thing, I would have stayed in Hollywood, land of the Frankenmovie. I understand budgets and constraints, but this is ridiculous.

      And I started on a freelancing site. Being rated zero for missing one arbitrary thing in a laundry list is pretty stupid. Reminds me of the asshats on Yelp: I GIVE THIS RESTAURANT 1 STAR BECAUSE I HATE THEIR PARKING LOT.
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      Aspiring copywriters: if you need 1:1 advice from an experienced copy chief, head over to my Phone a Friend page.

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      • Originally Posted by angiecolee View Post

        Reminds me of the asshats on Yelp: I GIVE THIS RESTAURANT 1 STAR BECAUSE I HATE THEIR PARKING LOT.
        Or 1-star reviewers on Amazon who say "This TV arrived broken in the box!"
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        Marketing is not a battle of products. It is a battle of perceptions.
        - Jack Trout
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  • Profile picture of the author Raydal
    That's why business consultant exists. Most businesses don't really
    know what they need. They know what they want but not what
    they need.

    A major part of consulting with a client is to determine what they
    really need in order to reach they goals they are aiming for.

    -Ray Edwards
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    The most powerful and concentrated copywriting training online today bar none! Autoresponder Writing Email SECRETS
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  • Profile picture of the author Joseph Robinson
    Banned
    While you guys were all trashing this I went and slipped in a bid for $149. Suckers, guess who's getting the job? :rolleyes:
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  • Profile picture of the author shawnlebrun
    Banned
    it's called supply and demand... as long as there are writers who will jump at jobs like this... people like this will post them. if more copywriters valued their time and their craft and demanded professional fees... it would drive the prices up.

    supply and demand usually will determine the price for just about anything.
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  • Profile picture of the author alfid
    [DELETED]
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  • Profile picture of the author Pusateri
    Believing you can have both high quality and great service at a low price is diagnostic of Delusional Disorder according to the DSM-5.
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