Rate my Copy

by repstein

Posted: 12 years ago 8 replies

COPY WRITING

Dear Warriors,

What do you think of my copy?

URL Recommendations | Great Available Domain Name Recommendations

#copy #rate

CharismaticMannequin 12 years ago

Only looked at it for about 10 seconds, before I decided it looked boring.

First tip: Make it interesting. Do this by putting bigger gaps in, subheads, a decent headline, and better tone.

Do this and it'll be improved 110% already!

Ben.
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- Kim S 12 years ago
  
  Yes, and on top of that maybe put in a few graphics to break up the monotony of reading. It will catch the eye more.
  
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travlinguy 12 years ago

1/4 of the page (the top), is wasted with a nav bar and header image that isn't doing anything for you. You've gone crazy with the ellipsis. It's distracting as hell. Write complete sentences or bullets instead. Had it not been a review request I would have clicked away immediately. Good luck.
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DavidG 12 years ago

Start off your letter with this line : Why Pay Hundreds or even Thousands of Dollars to Buy a Single Domain Name that Somebody Else Got to First..."

Or better yet, consider that as your headline.

I used to do SEO work, and I remember how sometimes I'd get paid extra to get them a keyword rich domain. I never expected it to be such tedious work. Not only were MOST domains gone, but it also cost WAY too much to get them.

So that line I suggested is what connected with me. And that's what you should be looking out for. The main problem that your product helps solve.

He needs to know right away that this is about him. Something he has an issue with so that he can continue reading.

After you have that down, look for the ultimate result that your product or service delivers. And tell them you're going to give them that result.

And then show tons and tons of proof.

Work on the copy, forget the graphics - work on that later. You just need to have your sales message down.

Anyways, that's my .02
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repstein 12 years ago

Thanks for the pointers guys!
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- rjweaver10 12 years ago
  
  To me...I see a lot of black and white and a little red. MORE COLOR
  
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Raydal 12 years ago

You should also remove the links at the top because they
are unnecessary distractions to reading your headline and
the rest of the letter if the reader click on those links first.

-Ray Edwards
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ThomasOMalley 12 years ago

Your headline and introduction before you get to the start of your sales letter is way too long.

Your sales letter is too choppy as well.

You need to revise your sales letter to make it flow better.

Study some successful online sales letters so that you model the flow, formatting and structure of the sales letter.
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