Is my copy terrible?

Hey Nathan - Your writing is fine. It's the structure of your persuasion that's weak.

Most of the important points you need to make are buried in the body text. For example:

Here's your prospect's problem:

"A lot of people don't understand Twitter because no one tells them how to really use it effectively. At first glance, it looks like a waste of time." (i.e. "I know I should be Twittering but I don't really understand how, why, or what for", or "I have been Twittering, but I don't really see what good it's doing me")

Here's your concept proposition:

"(ordinarily) you'd set up a website with some content, then you'd have to find a way to drive traffic to it. You'll have to set up an autoresponder and create 10-30 emails to follow up with. Sure, this works, but what if there was a better way?" (i.e. Driving targeted traffic to your site is a time-sucking pain. But there's a better way...")

Here's your concept solution:

"...find and pre-qualify people that shop in your niche" (i.e. "Become a Twitter Rockstar")

Here's your concept expansion:

"a series of advanced tactics that can take your Twitter game to the next level. If you are brand new to Twitter, then don't worry, I've got an entire chapter dedicated to helping you get started." (i.e. "Check out this way to jumpstart your Twitter profit path")

Your concept validation is your testimonials. If you added some reason-why YOU'RE the one to guide us to Twitter Rockstardom, it would make your case even stronger.

Your concept value building are your bullets (i.e. "Wow! Look at all the value you get here!")

Add your call to action ("DO THIS ACTION now"), and you should be in pretty good shape.

Remember: Who's your audience here? Answer: People who want to make money. That's what they're interested in; that's what they 're willing to spend money on. They're not interested in being a Twitter rockstar for its own sake. Keep that in mind as you write your copy.

Wow, I honestly didn't expect so many replies so fast. I really appreciate your critiques and comments. To be honest, I was expecting to get slaughtered, so I am pleasantly surprised that all is not lost.

The terminology makes sense when you lay it out like that, I just didn't have any idea that there were so many complexities. Actually, let me rephrase that...I had an idea, I just didn't know what they were

Again, thanks so much.

Well, it looks like another "me too" Twitter bandwagon product.

First thing everyone is gonna do is click on your Twitter link
to see if you are actually a Twitter RockStar yourself. I'm
not persuaded.

I'm not saying you don't have a lot of influence over the folks
who are following you, just that your numbers don't show you
know something that isn't obvious.

Look at Jason Moffat. He's not following many people but a lot
of folks follow him. Wouldn't being a "rockstar" mean you could
get 1000s to follow you while you pretty much don't follow
anybody yourself?

Just being hard on you, man. I'm not a big fan of social networking
as a marketing medium. If you can show people how to get a ton
of followers (a la Tim Ferriss), get them to buy stuff from you,
and pretty much ignore the reciprocal aspect of Twitter then
you would have a persuasive case for RockStar claims and you
could sell your course for a lot more money.

It's about positioning. The simplest way to make such a product
would be to actually deconstruct and reverse-engineer real
Twitter stars... those who many followers who pay attention
to them - and show how they got there. In many cases I bet
you will find it's with email marketing, publicity stunts, and
high-profile blogging. Nothing to do with "hanging out" on Twitter.

Is it selling? That is ultimately the best way to determine whether your copy is terrible or not.

Yes, I'm sure it could be done better, but it could also be done a lot worse.

How are your conversions? Let us know.