12 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}
12 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}

Copywriting Critique

by Jason1234
9 replies
I think my copy sucks and possibly my design but I have already asked a separate question on that. How can I improve my copywriting is it as bad as I think?
Link is below
Marketing training for the future bestselling author - Success Coach, Business Coach,Life Coach, Serial Entrepreneur, Amazon Bestselling Author
#copywriting #critique
  • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
    Yep, your copy sucks.

    And there's no possibly about it, your design sucks even worse.

    To improve, read up on the fundamentals:

    Amazon.com: The Ultimate Sales Letter: Attract...Amazon.com: The Ultimate Sales Letter: Attract...

    or

    Amazon.com: The Adweek Copywriting Handbook: The...Amazon.com: The Adweek Copywriting Handbook: The...

    or

    Amazon.com: How to Write a Good Advertisement...Amazon.com: How to Write a Good Advertisement...
    Signature

    Andrew Gould

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6788518].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author bsbear
    I would argue that the design is the major problem here. Not the copy. Take a look at any professional website and just look at how it meshes well together. You will see what I mean.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6788828].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Jason1234
    Thank you both for your feedback I will take it into consideration as I make improvements.
    Signature
    www.wibbets.com
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6790357].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author schttrj
    As someone already pointed out in this thread, perhaps your awful design is what is undermining your copy.

    Having said that, I feel you can work a LOT on your copy. Aim for around 1000 persuasive words for now.

    Post it here and we will tell you how it is.

    Last but not the least, use real proofs that can actually serve as evidences, or you are fake to me.
    Signature
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6790927].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Pr0metheus
    First, get a new design please. If you want to make professional sales pages, I recommend premise (from Brian Clark of Copyblogger)

    For improving your copywriting, try the books mentioned by Andrew. I would like to add Joe Sugarman's Triggers and Robert Plank’s Speed Copy Secrets to that list.

    Basically, I don't see much wrong with your copy, other than it is a short copy. To sell a book, especially with such a claim, you need a convincing long copy.

    You can use David Frey's 12 step formula which essentially is

    1. Get attention
    2. Identify the problem
    3. Provide the solution
    4. Present your credentials
    5. Show the benefits
    6. Give social proof
    7. Make your offer
    8. Inject scarcity
    9. Give a guarantee
    10. Call to action
    11. Give a warning
    12. Close with a reminder

    Hope this helps.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6791985].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Jason there is good potential with what you've got,
      therefore give it the polish it deserves.

      Register it's own domain and create the whole site
      as an authority site as you being the guru.

      I say this because buried in your site is this one line...

      "sold 3,000 books on Kindle all in 24 hours".

      Your could make the title and be known for,
      as the guy who sold 3,000 books in 24 hours.

      Headline/book title then becomes

      "How I sold 3000 books in 24 hours In My Underwear,
      And How You Can Too"

      Publishing on Kindle is a HOT market now so you are in the right place,
      right time and have the knowledge and proof.

      Best,
      Ewen
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6792043].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author davemiz
    ya... the copy sucks. but there's so little there, i'm afraid to call it copy.

    the design doesn't help matters, but i'd be more concerned about the copy than the design at this point.

    you can't polish a turd.
    Signature

    “Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.”
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6793399].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Jason1234
    I have a couple books By Bob Bly would those also work to improve my copy? Thank you for your direction and guidance.
    Signature
    www.wibbets.com
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6793585].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
      Originally Posted by Jason1234 View Post

      I have a couple books By Bob Bly would those also work to improve my copy? Thank you for your direction and guidance.
      Yeah, you can't go far wrong with Bob Bly.
      Signature

      Andrew Gould

      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[6795651].message }}

Trending Topics