It's not particularly easy to read at the moment because you're using a short line height, you want to increase it to at least 25px (exactly how you do that will be dependent on your WP theme).

Run it through a spell-checker.

You don't need to use six different colors for your text.

Make your headline standout more and don't put a period at the end of it.

If someone reads to the bottom, don't make them scroll back up, give them some links there.

And are you sure you need all that copy? There's a lot of words but only one sentence selling me on your free lessons.

Which sentence do you feel is the one selling you? Thanks for your imput as well.

I was thinking there was too much space between the sentences. Is that what you mean by line height, the space between sentences?

Oh, you mean the space between the sentences in paragraphs. Yeah, that is a bit crowded. Not sure how to change it, though.

I figured out how to do it. I just had to change some CSS. Even though I've never coded in CSS, it was pretty logical.

Here is an update

Should I keep any of the story at all about me? At least keep why they should care about my free lessons to build credibility? That I have been in the field over 10 years, for example?

Right now what they will learn from the free videos are in bullet points. The problem is I have like 400 videos covering many topics in art. It would be insane to mention what they will learn from each video.

Right now the old site just www.ipaintgirls.com pulls in about $1500 a month, the other $500 comes from www.masteredit.net, which I plan to redue and makes sales copies for.

The primary aim of this page is to get the reader to self-segment - to click the link that's most relevant to them. You're not asking for money or even just an email address so you don't need a full sales pitch.

I wouldn't have more than a screen of copy, then three graphical links, either horizontal with some brief copy below, or vertical with the copy at the side.

Building credibility's always good, but keep it to a sentence or two. The videos themselves should be the main credibility builder.

With that many, I'd look to use them in different ways, e.g. offer a series of related ones in a 5/7/9/etc day AR series to build your list.

I am not as expert as few answered here and this is my first post in this forum.

Here are certain things popped up when I read your sales copy.

1. The headline is missing the hook. Free alone is not a good enough hook.
2. I would recomment opening the sales copy telling who are you. Otherwise, learning by watching over your shoulder is not an offer to take.
3. You can tell why becoming professional artist is good for someone, so the offer gets more perceived value.
4. "I have been a professional artist for over 10 years, and an art instructor for almost as long." This alone is not good enough to make someone listen to your teachings. You should mention some good/great things you have done or happened to you by becomming a professional artist.
5. "I used to be a very poor artist." You can ehance this statement to support how becoming professional artist changed it.
6. You are asking too many questions in the sales page which might overwhelm the reader.
7. "I don’t want you to be one of them, so please take advantage of my kindness and watch some free lessons." More emotion can be added to this sentence. You don't want to sell through your "kindness" I guess. Watch some free lessons sounds like you expect the readers kindness.
8. if you want to go down the long sales copy path, this is not quite strong enough. Short sales copy will work better for you.
9. Also you need a better design.

If I made any mistakes, pardon me

Prometheus, some great advice. I know it is because I remember the greats saying it. I guess, it is hard to see the errors in your own sales copy. Like why didn't I say, "Becuase a professional artist and make more money." Or something that shows the benefit.

Thanks.

I am going to shorten this greatly and leave the long copies for the courses I sell.

I changed it to this. Hopefully, it's better.

You can see it on the page as well. The best free video art lessons online about how to paint a manga girl | MasterPaintingNow