How's my sales page?

Bart,


some quick improvements I spotted as soon as I jumped on your page:


The BIG one:

You're trying to appeal to everyone. Who is your target market? Who are you trying to sell to? I realise there's people from EVERY age group wanting their dream life to come true, but you can't sell to all people in one letter.

Focus on one market, and go from there. Trust me - this is one of your copy's biggest problems right now.




1.) Make your headline punchier. "Stop letting"? It's boring!

Try something like "Destroy that fear and start living your dream life!"

Keep it short and punchy.




2.) Space out your paragraphs. Split some of them up - they look long and boring to read, and half of your prospects will simply take one look and run. Space it out, throw in some sub-heads, and make it look easy to read. People are lazy - make it easy for 'em.

3.) Where's your list of benefits?

What is this product going to give your prospects? You've promised them a 'dream life', but what does that entail? Tell your prospects HOW they're going to benefit from your book. Get them excited - damnit, this is their dream life! Tell them how awesome it's going to be! (Just don't go the route of hype - that rarely sells well).

4.) Cut back on the bolding some. It's used way too much, and detracts from your message. Enhancements like italics and bold shouldn't be noticed - they should be so much a part of the copy, they're simply there to enhance your message - and not detract and distract from it like they're currently doing.

5.) Make your current bullets shorter. Bullets are meant to be short and snappy, not paragraphs long. Remember, some of your prospects will skim read - bullets are where you'll catch these people - make them look quick and easy (apply this to your bullet list of benefits also)

6.) Finally, I'd suggest you get more testimonials. A $47 book is an expensive book in some people's eyes - give them some social proof and eliminate their fears of this just being another pipe dream. Make it REAL.

Do these things and you should see a big improvement.

I think the headline needs work. It should reveal a little bit about what the book is about.

Try using what you have in one of your benefits:

BRAIN HACKING:
How To Rewire Your Brain To
Make Your Fears Disappear

Here are some ideas.

TARGET Market.

"The idea of making a presentation in public is the No. 1 fear reported by people in the U.S." according to Dr. Paul Witt.

The fear of performing in public has killed many a bright future.

Ever hear of pro golfer Moe Norman?

He is considered by his peers as being one of the greatest golfers in history but he suffered from PERFORMANCE anxiety and was unable to fulfill his potential.

Are you letting FEAR keeping you from fulfilling your potential?
&&&&&&&

Flip and twist the above and you get a more targeted headline to involve your readers. Keep your gym story in, edit it a bit...but it works AFTER you present the PROBLEM...then you can offer up the solution.

The yellow is hard to read on the blue.

I'd put in page numbers on the bullets, it is tested and proven for selling books.

That's for starters, hope it helps a little.

gjabiz

I'd say your headline and sub-headline needs a lot more punch! It's just bland.

"Crush your fears and live your dream life"

^^^It's too straight-forward, you want to punch up the emotion. Like just off the top of my head I'd say something like...

"What has your fear cost you? When will it be Enough Already? How about TODAY! Discover how you can transform the "power" that holds you back to the "power" that sets you free!"

Following something like that come in with the sub-headline, so it'll read something like this:

"What has your fear cost you? When will it be Enough Already? How about TODAY! Discover how you can transform the "power" that holds you back to the "power" that sets you free!
Instantly Download the secret to Getting over your fear of failure, performance anxiety, and stage fright Today!"

Bam! a headline like that immediately pulls them in emotionally. From there your job is to not "screw it up!"
I like that you open with a story in your copy about how you were where they are...I think you could use more benefits though. I'd layer the bulletpoints you have. Sell the gratification.

For Example your first benefit simply adding something in a parenthesis that sells the relief will give it more emotional punch like so:

You will start to love competition instead of hate it!(This took me from a run of the mill employee to promoted in 90 days)

^^^You see how that adds extra punch. Outside of that I think you could use some more bulletpoints, you want to stack the awesome! And, I think you could use more copy. The page is too thin.

I hope this helps, best of luck with your product.

Thanks a whole bunch guys! I really appreciate all the effort you put into helping me. I'm getting to work on my headline and other problems right now.

Bart

Edit: Aroth, are you okay with me using your headline? I absolutely love it.

Updated the copy with an excerpt of the book providing a little more actual value in the sales page. Any input is still very much appreciated, though!

Bart,

Instead of just saying your sales page sucks, which it does, here are a couple of helpful pointers I urge you to consider:

Your Mark
Gordon already mentioned this, but I feel it's worth stating again:

There is no clear avatar.

A well done sales letter should disqualify 95% of everybody, and just be focused on a specific person.

ONE person.

And this ONE person has ONE primary issue. Pick one. Only one.

And don't say, "the market is too small to focus on one."

If you like sport performance, go with that one. If you like stage acting, go with that one. Maybe since you live in the Netherlands, you can do a book on how females can achieve real orgasms while on stage as complete strangers watching.

Whatever niche you choose, make a commitment to serve that niche.

And beyond a niche, serve ONE person.

Why You?
There is no real reason to trust you, based on the copy.

Now, I did read you don't have a lot of social proof.

This, by the way, is very common for NEW projects.

A quick work-o-round is to get video testimonials of your friends saying they knew you when you were a scared little kid, and now you're a fearless dude. That you discovered some "secrets" that you haven't shared, but they've noticed a major change in you.

You can also cite scientific literature on the subject, and incorporate that into your copy and product itself.

For example, you could say, "I accidently discovered this method, which I called "X" that boosted my confidence and overcame childhood fears almost immediately. I was shocked. It was only when reviewing Harvard Psychology today, volume 2 issue 3, where Professor "Z" validated this same method did I realize just how powerful "X" is."

BTW, there is so much "scientific research" over there that you can find just about anything to prove your point. Just make sure it comes from a university that has credibility where you live.

Be Real
You think you can actually get rid of fear?

I don't think so.

Fear, while in many cases is "bad", can serve for good purposes as well.

Therefore, "fear" isn't the true issue.

The true issue is being able to perform even in the midst of fear. To not be negatively effected by fear.

To be able to use fear to your personal benefit. To be able to master fear and evaluate that emotion to it's highest use.

That is something worth reading.

And trust me, "A" players DO experience fear. They just happen to not let it effect their performance results. (As a quick aside, if you are a professional who no longer gets "butterflies in their stomach", that's when you should really be afraid!)

What did you find helpful about my post?

I look forward to your reply.

I don't know about your actual plan, but if I didn't know better you're basically giving the visitor one shot to buy your ebook, then they are gone forever.

What if you had a squeeze page offering a free shortened ebook of your course/plan and then they are on your list and you can drip feed them info, all the while whetting their appetite for your full ebook/course/membership site?

It seems here they have to swallow the whole enchilada right off the bat. How about if you present some irresistible free stuff in a above-the-fold squeeze page: 3 or 4 of your most powerful bullet points and email capture?

This way you have now the luxury of relationship building through a list, and the possibility of further monetizing through affiliate sales of other products/services.

Updated the sales page again.

-Added some more benefits and features of the book
-Added a testimonial from a friend that has known me since birth
-Added a reason for the creation of this product

I hope it improves the sales page a bit, suggestions are still very welcome, though!

This little piece of text is absolutely brilliant and the fear to get into such a situation was exactly where my performance anxiety came from.*

Brilliant idea as well! Should not be too hard to implement. However, it does take away another part of the letter - putting things in perspective.

Looking at my avatar, though, people I want to sell to don't want to put anything in perspective so I guess I'll go for your suggestion.


Thanks so much for taking out your, undoubtedly valuable, time to help me!

Bart

I've updated the sales page again.

-Changed the headline to implement the "olympic image"
-Improved the syntax of the first six paragraphs.
-Improved the "Yes" and "No" list.
-Made a better approach to the book-excerpt, giving it more value.
-Added another sub-headline right before the 'add to cart' button.

I think all of these things are improvements, I do, however have a question.

If I'd receive more testimonials, what would be the best place to put them. I was thinking to do it just before I reveal the price. Giving even more proof leading up to the big decision.

This sales page wouldn't be half as good as it is now without your help. It might still suck because of the terrible foundation it was built on, though.

Any input on the new update is very much appreciated!

Bart