13 replies
Hi, I just wrote a draft of one sales letter in less than 30 minutes and now, I need your opinion on it. Is it good enough to sell whatever I'm selling or not?

Here's the sales letter I wrote (yep, no headline in it - I prefer writing the headline last):

---- Start Sales Letter ----

Most people out there are either hiring people to make a minisite for you or they do it themselves. What you are about to discover, won't make you do any of that. Except a little of do-it-yourself :-)

Guess what - I'm giving you a way to actually have a gorgeous minisite that can give you literally a boost in conversion compared to the traditional minisite people have been using.

You've seen this kind of minisite before:

[Image - ugly minisite]

And you've seen this kind of minisite too:

[Image - beautiful minisite]

What most copywriters telling you about copywriting is king is just half the story. What they didn't tell you that they need a queen to make a powerful combination.

Yes, a good minisite is a website that has good copywriting and good design.
And here's a tip for you - did you know that using a background with your product name on it displayed all over the place can actually damage your sale? Now, I'm sure you don't want your sale to drop just because of some designers' egos right?

That's why I've created a set of templates you can use today to create an extremely conducive environment to sell your product. Yes, it's so good, and I'm sure you will agree if you see just a SMALL SAMPLE of what you're going to get this month.

[Preview]

I think it doesn't give you any fun if I tell you exactly what's happening behind the scene that can increase your sales dramatically. So, I will just let you experience it yourself.

How about if you try it for 30 days, and see if your sales increase? If not, tell me, and I give your money back. If yes, do send a glowing testimonial to put on this website.

You could see that I've got plenty of customers satisfied with what I've been doing:

[Testimonials]

How much does this set of weapon of mass sales cost you? $250? $297? Nope. Not at all. Seriously, you probably are fed up with what those jerks (marketers) who told you how much they spent to create this kind of templates. I won't do that here.

But what I'll do is, I give you a low price, extremely low price that you could afford today and see if the sales go up or down the drain.

Let's see... what you're going to get is 12 lovely templates that could increase your sales literally overnight. You're going to get an awesome 30-day money back guarantee from me just in case if you want your money back. And for all these thing, I will charge you $17.

That's it. It's less than 2 bucks per templates, and I'm sure there are people out there who are selling this kind of thing for over $47 (they say it worth it) but now, you don't need to pay for that. Just get what I have here, and you don't even need to hire any web designers anymore.

Sincerely,
Alex
  • Profile picture of the author Scott Murdaugh
    A lot of broken English...

    Doesn't mean I wouldn't buy, but I'd want to see samples first...

    I've got a bias against great designs with terrible copy... For one, I've bought a lot of great designs with not so great copy... And for two, if I could see your designs it'd weigh a lot more on me than the copy.

    So... To answer your question... Do I like the copy? No. But I'm shopping for design, not copy... And I can't give you the answer without seeing the designs..

    In any case I'd say that better copy will improve your sales... But I haven't seen the product, so I can't pass judgment.

    -Scott
    Signature

    Over $30 Million In Marketing Data And A Decade Of Consistently Generating Breakthrough Results - Ask How My Unique Approach To Copy Typically Outsells Traditional Ads By Up To 29x Or More...

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  • Profile picture of the author copyguy
    I see... what's your suggestion to improve this sales copy?
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    • Profile picture of the author Dean Dhuli
      Originally Posted by copyguy View Post

      I see... what's your suggestion to improve this sales copy?
      Nothing! Just get the damn website up and start selling...

      As long as those designs that you're offering are good,
      I don't think you should worry too much about the letter.

      You can make it better as you go.
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  • Profile picture of the author copyguy
    But I think if I could get it right... I could make a heck lot more money, right?
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    • Profile picture of the author Christie Love
      Originally Posted by copyguy View Post

      But I think if I could get it right... I could make a heck lot more money, right?
      You are right. A sales letter is much more effective when the copy's written correctly.

      One thing you should know is, you can't rush great copy. If you want your product to sell, you need to take your time to study the art of writing a winning sales letter.

      I would also suggest looking through Clickbank for popular products and rewrite the copy to understand the flow of copy with high conversion rates. Additionally, you should purchase a few books on copywriting to keep handy.

      If you choose, go ahead and make the copy live "as is" for now. But, the first thing I would do is rewrite the letter very soon.

      The best of luck to you.
      Signature
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      • Profile picture of the author Dean Dhuli
        Originally Posted by Christie Love View Post

        You are right. A sales letter is much more effective when the copy's written correctly.

        One thing you should know is, you can't rush great copy. If you want your product to sell, you need to take your time to study the art of writing a winning sales letter.

        I would also suggest looking through Clickbank for popular products and rewrite the copy to understand the flow of copy with high conversion rates. Additionally, you should purchase a few books on copywriting to keep handy.

        If you choose, go ahead and make the copy live "as is" for now. But, the first thing I would do is rewrite the letter very soon.

        The best of luck to you.
        Christie,

        What you say is right... in general.

        But you don't require the sales letter for a $7 product to be as brilliant as
        the one you'd use for a $1,500 product.

        In many cases the time and effort you put into a letter depend on the
        price of the product and the offer.

        If the offer is a good one and the price is relatively low, then there's
        no reason for anybody to torture themselves to get THAT
        perfect sales letter.

        In fact, I suggest a simple 3-question formula to non-copywriters who
        want to write a simple sales letter for their product...

        1) What are you offering?
        2) How can it improve people's lives for the better?
        3) How to get it?


        Hope this helps,

        Dean.
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  • Profile picture of the author copyguy
    Here's an updated version of this sales letter:

    Most entrepreneur will do either one of the following:

    a) Hiring a web designer to create minisite for them
    b) Or they will create it themselves

    But what you will discover today will help you get a gorgeous design without having to master HTML, CSS or Photoshop and no hiring required, too.

    And here's more - I'm giving you a way to actually have an attractive minisite that can boost your conversion rate through the roof compared to those who have been using plain, old minisite to market their product.

    You've Seeen This Kind of Website Before:

    [Image - Ugly Minisite]

    You've Seen This Kind of Website Too:

    [Image - Beautiful Minisite]

    A great minisite actually gives people confidence to buy from you, because your minisite exude confidence, while cheap-looking minisite can break the sales you always wanted before... and the only difference you are seeing is just in design. Not a word of copy has changed, only the design.

    Here's What Many Elite Marketers Haven't Told You And Almost Everyone Else

    What they didn't tell you is what they are doing right now. And you've seen them before. Actually, you are seeing them over and over again in almost (if not all!) product launches in recent years.

    What is it? Well, what they didn't tell you is that they married good copywriting with good minisite design for their product launches.

    But you have been led to believe copywriting is everything - which is just... half of the story.

    Here's A Tip For You Guys

    Did you know that using a background image with your product repeating all over the background can actually make people to leave your website faster? But you probably are seeing them over and over again, right? That's when the pros will say, "you have to break the rules in order to win".

    As a marketer, I'm sure you don't want your sales drop just because of your design, am I right?

    And since you are here to get yourself high quality minisite templates you can use today, I'm sure you will love this:

    Graphic Monthly

    I have created 12 templates that you can use today (even if you order it in 2 A.M in the morning) to create an environment that would enable you to sell effectively. To help your sales copy do its charm. Yes, it will work because I have designed in a way that will enable your sales copy to shine and force your competitor who's been slacking, using cheapskate design to their own losses. They will scratch their head not knowing why their sales are dropping, while you smiled at your inbox reading all the orders you have received every day.

    Here's what you will get this month and I will change these templates monthly, as I believe change is necessary to make these templates fresh.

    [Preview]

    Nice templates aren't they? I've spent huge amount of time to do it and you should be glad I won't charge a large amount of money on these templates!

    Like I said, I will change these templates every month, so, if you want to get these templates, you must do it today, because I won't give it you if you order next month. And no, this is not a membership site. You only have pay once, to get these. Next month you come here, you will see the different template here.

    Do not delay if this is what you want.

    How About This?

    Instead of forcing you to buy, try for 30 days, and see whether your prospect like it or not. In this way, you could see if your audience like your new design or your previous design.

    Just try, all the risks are on me. And these testimonials don't lie too:

    [Testimonials]

    "What If I Hate The Design?"

    Well, if you hate it, inform me. I will give back all your money. But make sure it is in 30 days after you purchase, or else I can't give back your money!

    It Won't Cost You $297, Honey

    OK. Seriously, I should be putting up that kind of price tag on these templates. It took a lot of my time to create these templates but no, you don't have to pay that much for these templates. And it won't even cost you $100. It's way less than that.

    What I want to do today is to give you a low price, extremely low price that you could afford today and see if the sales go up or down.

    You can get it for just $17.

    Click Here to Get Graphic Monthly Today

    Let's see,,, what you're going to get is 12 lovely templates that could increase your sales literally overnight. You're going to get an awesome 30-day money back guarantee from me just in case you want your money back. And for all these perks, I will charge you $17.

    That's it. It won't cost you arms and legs. Heck, it's less than 2 bucks per template and I'm sure there are people out there selling templates for $47 a pop, even though the design is not that great. Fortunately, you don't have to pay that much today. Just get it from me today and I'm sure you will love it.

    Sincerely,
    Alex
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  • Profile picture of the author Aronya
    @copyguy
    PM'd you.
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  • Profile picture of the author copyguy
    Replied.
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    • Profile picture of the author dorothydot
      My opinion? If you have to ask, Is this okay - it likely isn't.

      If you tell yourself, This is good enough - it likely isn't.

      Your clients, your prospects deserve your absolute best. Nothing less.

      If you settle for less, you are short-changing everyone all around.

      Never do less.

      Everyone - you included! - deserves your very best work.

      Hope this helps,

      Dot
      Signature

      "Sell the Magic of A Dream"
      www.DP-Copywriting-Service.com

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  • Profile picture of the author copyguy
    Thanks Dorothy for that. It shook me out of my complacent state. Completely.

    Here's the updated version of the letter. Done this from scratch.
    http://keithmcart.googlepages.com/MarchExclusive.pdf
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  • We'd suggest handing it to a friend to do some basic grammar edits -- a lot of people get stuck if they stumble over a phrase that is missing an "a" or "at" or is plural when it shouldn't be, etc.

    Also, make sure you are focusing on the person buying the templates and the benefit to them -- you've said they'll gain a lot of sales, but what kind of pain are you saving them? What WON'T they have to spend time on as a result? What kind of time do these sites usually take to make for someone who isn't a pro?

    Ask and answer lots of questions, make your subheads more consistent, use some bullet points, some more bolding, etc.

    It's not terribly scannable now, and it needs to be. If you're saving them time, start with your salesletter.

    Hope that helps!
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  • Profile picture of the author Gary Pettit
    Why dont you place a bid for your sales page on guru or elance...very inexpensive and proffesional content
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