Please critique my opt-in page!

by Catherineduncan

Posted: 16 years ago 26 replies

COPY WRITING

Hi warriors,

I have recently put together an opt-in page and would be very grateful to recieve any feedback on how it looks at present and what can be done to improve it.

The opt-in page can be found at the link below:

Free Ebook - IM Traps And Scams

Thanks in advance for any comments,

Catherine

#critique #optin #page

martinkeens 16 years ago

Your header took longer to load than I'd like. I'd also make your copyright line look more professional (use the actual symbol and URL). Not bad otherwise.
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- Catherineduncan 16 years ago
  
  Thanks for your input Martin.
  
  I have now updated the page with a more profesional looking copyright line.
  As for the loading time for the header; it is a big file and there is not a lot that I can do to reduce it.
  
  Thanks again,
  Catherine
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  ChristianM 16 years ago
  
  Hi,
  pm sent
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  dandy49 16 years ago
  
  Hi Catherine, Your page looks good. A few things, if you are interested in making your graphics lighter, you could change them (header and footer) from bmp to jpg at 90% which would bring your page from over 800kb down to less than 100kb (without losing quality) and would help anyone who might still be on dialup. Also the single line bar at the bottom pops to the right in Firefox, looks fine in IE though. Hope this helps you out.
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  J. Barry Mandel 16 years ago
  
  Your headline does nothing to benefit the reader. The reader gains nothing from just reading the headline. You need to change your headline and sub headline.
  
  Unless you can capture the readers attention by telling them whats in it for them IMMEDIATELY then you possibly just lost a customer!
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  Catherineduncan 16 years ago
  
  Thanks to everyone that has made comments so far.
  
  With help from Christian I have now converted the header and footer to jpg files which should cut the loading times.
  
  Justin I understand what you are saying and agree with you. However, I am not much of a copywriter and wonder if it would be possible for you (or anyone else) to offer any suggestions for the headline and sub-heading.
  
  Thanks,
  Catherine
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  colmodwyer 16 years ago
  
  A lot of prime copy real estate is wasted by your header graphic, personally I'd get rid of it altogether - hey, that solves the slow loading time too!
  
  You should probably change your body text to black as well; as far as I'm aware blue on white is not the way to go.
  
  Colm
  
  Thanks
  
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Zachary R. Skinner

16 years ago

First, your header is WAY too big. That's maybe the biggest header I've ever seen on a sales page. It should really be about half that size.

Second, and most importantly, your headline isn't really a headline at all; it's just kind of a bland statement.

Try this on for size:

"Who Else Wants To Discover How To Avoid Devastating Internet Marketing Scams And How To Turn These Same Scams Into Cold, Hard Cash?"

This headline surely isn't perfect (I just thought of it on the fly) but I hope you get the idea. I'm conveying to the reader some hardcore benefits and piquing their curiosity.

If I saw this headline, I would surely want to learn more. I mean, how the hell can you profit from scams? That makes me very curious and hence I would read what you have to say.

If you like, you can try this headline as is. I know it will work much better than your current headline.

PS- Your body text should be in black, in georgia or verdana font, 12 points font size, and your margins should be just a tiny bit smaller. If your using frontpage, try 10-12 as your cell padding. Also, use checkmarks or arrows to highlight your benefits instead of those bullseye things.

Thanks

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chief1

Banned 16 years ago

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Zachary R. Skinner

16 years ago

Yeah, good call with the legal bit.

I can see how someone might assume this is totally illegal so it's probably a good idea to reassure the reader!

BTW- I just checked out the latest version of the squeeze page and I think it looks ten times better than before! ;-)

Thanks
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Catherineduncan

16 years ago

Again, thanks to everyone that has contributed to this post, your help is much appreciated.

A special thanks to Zachary for letting me use his header and yes I agree, the sales page looks a lot better now because of these comments.

Thanks again,
Catherine

Thanks
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zapseo

16 years ago

Big problem for me is the juxtaposition of decrying IM scams, and then saying how you can make money from them. Can't put my finger on it exactly -- just doesn't feel right.

Ethically might be a better choice of words than legally.

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Zachary R. Skinner

16 years ago

I think I would split test ethically and legally and see which converts better. I think legally sounds better but that's probably just my own bias.

I agree that there is something that doesn't feel right, but this feeling leads to curiosity and curiosity leads to an opt in.

Thanks
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Michael Gentry 16 years ago

I think it is OK so far but when I clicked it it wasn't complete.
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- Ricter 16 years ago
  
  I love the choice of "legally". If these scrotes can be unethical, why can't I? But legal, well, I do want to be that. (Not my real reasoning, but hey, I think it's common). : )
  
  I really like the idea of getting "back at 'em".
  
  I know nothing about copywriting, my critque is as "Mr. Mits".
  
  Thanks
  
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  chief1 Banned 16 years ago
  
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  Ricter 16 years ago
  
  Tossing out ideas...
  
  Should you use a yes/no question as the headline? It's very easy for a skeptic, like myself, to just say "nope".
  
  What about "Here's how to avoid..."?
  
  Thanks
  
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  Floyd Fisher 16 years ago
  
  Looks very strong...except for the headline.
  
  Here's something you can try:
  
  You are about to learn secrets most gurus pray you never know about (insert subject here).
  
  Split test it with what you have now, and see if it works any better.
  
  Thanks
  
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zapseo

16 years ago

Originally Posted by Zachary R. Skinner

Maybe for you, Zachary. For me it's uncomfortable in a quite unpleasant way and makes me want to leave.

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MaskedMarketer

16 years ago

The goal of this page is to get more opt- ins.

Wouldn't it make sense to put an opt- in form near the top of the page, so a prospect doesn't have to scroll down? You put the opt- in form all the way at the bottom of the page and chances are, not every one of your visitors will scroll all the way down.

Make a strong offer in exchange for an email address and try putting it on top so one doesn't have to scroll to the bottom to opt -in.

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BrianMcLeod

16 years ago

The whole concept is incongruent. :confused:

You can't save the world from devastating scams while teaching people how to profit from them. You're going in two opposite directions and killing any credibility you might have in either.

In short, the offer sucks.

Probably not what you want to hear but true.

I wouldn't waste a moment on design until you rethink the offer.

Brian

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dmayne

16 years ago

Originally Posted by LoudMac

Noob impression(take with grain of salt) but I agree. When I read it, it seemed hokey and made me think you were trying to scam me for the reasons mentioned above. Very split tongue in the checkpoints.

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Ross Charette 16 years ago

Well it made me curious enough to have a look. The report was very well done and made sense, but that is just me
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- Ronwag 16 years ago
  
  Spam complaints, scams, cons, phoney gurus, rip-off courses and page ranking seminars that are just plain rubbish, sound familiar? If they don't now they will soon. Learn how to avoid these problems the easy way.
  
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Catherineduncan

16 years ago

Originally Posted by LoudMac

The whole concept is incongruent. :confused:

You can't save the world from devastating scams while teaching people how to profit from them.

Unfortunately, I would have to say that I disagree with you - the book does do exactly this!

As Zachary said, I believe that being slightly sceptical could lead you to sign up for the free product to see whether the offer carries weight. After all, what have you got to lose?

In fact, I had an email yesterday from someone who signed up for the product for just this reason.

Catherine

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BrianMcLeod 16 years ago

Catherine,

I wish you luck.

Best,

Brian
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- Catherineduncan 16 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by LoudMac
  
  Catherine,
  
  I wish you luck.
  
  Best,
  
  Brian
  
  Thank you Brian and thanks for contributing to the post.
  
  Take care,
  Catherine
  
  Thanks
  
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tun80

16 years ago

Originally Posted by Catherineduncan

As Zachary said, I believe that being slightly sceptical could lead you to sign up for the free product to see whether the offer carries weight. After all, what have you got to lose?

In fact, I had an email yesterday from someone who signed up for the product for just this reason.

BINGO!!!

If the skeptic likes it, ask them for a testimonial and stick it on the page.

Thanks

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Please critique my opt-in page!

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