In need of a copywriter to work on my sales and landing page

Hi trendi,

I know you can't post the link but someone will.

I would - but I'm not technical enough.

3 things - your english isn't bad.

Please space your paragraphs out so I can read them.

And what does "2k UV/day" mean?

I thank you and welcome to the forum.

Steve

...wait just a second... the wonders of technology have struck me...

Here it is -

Anti Wrinkle Cream

Just to be sure - this is the right site isn't it?

Steve

Hi Steve and thank you for the welcoming and your remark on my english. Appreciate that

2k UV stands for 2000 unique visitors per day. I meant, that no matter how much traffic i try to pull, my conversions will be next to 0.

....and as if by magic - the paragraphs are now spaced out (I wish they were on the website).

Anyway...


Even if a site is awful - and yours isn't - yes, there's lots to improve - copy wise.


But doesn't 14,000 visitors a week produce some sales?


Maybe it's such a competitive market - with huge brand names spending zillions on advertising we need to find that ONE thing that gives you an unbeatable USP.


Either that or a celebrity endorsement. Like the others do.


Steve

Oh, yes. Of course there'll be sales, if i wasn't only figuratevily speaking

I so wish i had 2k a day, but this is a new site, which i want to be built perfectly and not miss any potential clients due to my bad copywriting.

Planning to launch a pay-per-click campaign in the future and i'll hate it if i do something wrong

....alright we don't have £500,000 for a celeb.

Let's dig out the USP.

So, trendi can you tell me in ONE sentence...

Why are Biograzia Skin Care Products so good?

And if you can - in another sentence...

What do they do that other skin care products don't do?


Steve


P.S. And for goodness sake will you tell me that I am looking at the right site?

Others will jump in soon and talk about the copy.

And yes, it does need to be improved. In many places it doesn't flow well.

And the benefits of the products can be super enhanced.


However, even when that is all done.

We'll still have another "skin care product" site trying to compete with the biggest brands in the world.

So, we do need a USP.


Lets say there just isn't one.

In other words Biograzia are just as good as many others.

They all do the same.


So, can we consider doing something like -

Promoting and sponsoring a unique special event - something the press will pick up on - driving 100's of thousands of people to the site

Giving a share of the profits to a charity? - maybe let the buyers choose they're preferred one?

Or radically change the site - to "niche" it to a specific target audience?


Steve

lol, yes, you are at the exact site

Biograzia's products stand out from the rest with their pure, natural ingredients, their healthy mixture of vegetable oils derived from clean sources and put together in a wonderfull and unspoilt by chemicals blend, in the most caring and completely natural process.

Our creams are reinventing the old-fashined and long-forgotten use of natural cosmetics by serving high quality fresh oils to your skin and by this protecting, nourishing and reviving skin's cells

This one sentence rule is killing me

Oops, i nearly forgot: They are completely edible
Maybe i should record myself feeding with a spoon from the jar, lol. This will set records on youtube

trendi,

Yes the one sentence is difficult.

But we are making progress with the USP.

Biograzia - So Pure - You Can Eat It.

Seriously, this edible thing is worth exploring...


Steve

This is what I love about copywriting.

The clients got a product - it seems to be like everyone else's.

So you start asking a few questions.

And they say all the things you expect.

Then all of a sudden they stun you with a "oh by the way..." or "oops I nearly forgot..."

In trendi's case it's -

"Our skin products are so pure they are completely edible"

Brilliant.

Lets get moving on this - would you all be kind enough to write some headlines.

Steve


P.S. This probably won't mean a thing to trendi - but it's like the John Carlton moment - when he's talking to the promoter about a golf technique - and it turns out the inventor only had one leg.

That Ad did rather well.

well, i've tried one similar in the past for a fb advert :

"Biograzia - the best menu your skin can have"

The thing is i can't come up with something "amazing" , maybe cause this is a conditioning, multi-purpose cosmetics with wide range of use...

But i've figured that out too. In the next 2-3 months i will launch the next face cream which will have highly targeted use and a killer, rare ingredient. Something i haven't seen on the web(or maybe it's not that common).

But for now, that's what i got and what i must build on

Thanks Steve for the time spent This is really giving me great ideas which i couldn't thought of by myself

trendi,

On your website - you should have women putting on the face cream with a spoon - and then licking the spoon - going "mmmmmm"

Your YouTube idea is great - eating a jar of the face cream.

And if it goes viral - you won't have to worry about the next product.

You'll be retiring with millions.

Steve

So, that's what i will do next. Next several days i'll be thinking on the clip script...

guess, making it viral is the hard part

trendi,

When you've done the video post it on the forum - we so much want to see it.

And don't go away - because you're going to get lots more comments about your site.

Hopefully some absolutely brilliant headlines - on the "so good, you can eat it" theme.

And advice on the site design and the body copy to make it flow better.

By the way I didn't notice any - but could you get some raving testimonials for your site from delighted users of the cream?


Steve

Hey, im staying here for sure

It's always nice to meet great ppl on a forum, and you are really the type of person i'd like to have conversations with.

As for the testimonials...i have plenty from my fb page, but i guess it's not appropriate to translate them in english. New will come for sure, once the product is tested. this i am sure of

trendi,

If they are for the same products on the website - it's perfectly OK to translate and use them.

You mentioned you want the USA and Canadian markets -

There can often be a great intrigue and desire when they see new products that have achieved such sensational results in Europe - particularly if you specify the countries.


Steve

Make that a web store with a dining or cafeteria area - because we can eat the products as well.

Ewen - would you be kind enough to create a bazzingly* good headline.


Steve


*bazzingly - english word meaning - ace, top notch, unbeatable, hits the bullseye, bang on, makes the audience want it, etc...

Hey Ewenmack

With 2 products i don't really think that a webstore is suitable. I just thought that making a separate tab for each will be perfect.

Now for the benefits...

The areas which the face cream helps are the face, the crows feet around the eyes and the décollteé.The fine lines around the mouth and the forehead.

What it does is it delivers a big dose of vitamins A,D,E and F to the cells. Every oil gets it's own benefits unharmed by the production process so it's safe to say that every vitamin and mineral contained in them is preserved. Each one of the 15 ingredients gets to keep it's beneficial use, just like the grapeseed oil is rich in antioxydants and helps regulate the skin oilment, the shea oil with it's antiinflammatory properties, the rose water with it's antibacterial use and perfect scent, bees products and their preserving strenght...

It's just like a bartender's competition gold medal recipe. Every ingredient adds to it and together they form this natural cocktail which wakes up the cells to a new life, helping them grow and renew. I can't just point out 1 or 2 things, just because it has so many...

some of the testimonials which i got are:

"it's unbelievable! There's just nothing else i can compare it to"

"I recommend it to all the ladies"

"Congratulations. You deliver a really high quality product"

"You have my gratitude!I got the cream and i'm astonished by it's quality. I can recommend this magnificent natural product to everyone"

And my favorite:
"the cream is just excellent. I've been using it for months and i won't change it with anything. my skin is reborn"

Since, I'm a guy in my 30s i can't really say what i feel about it. But i use the face cream like after shaving balm and the body cream after bath. I've been using it for the half of my life. This recipe has been in my family for more than a decade and a half and my mother has always prepared it by herself. It's just before 2 years that i made her agree that we need to grow this as i saw how many of her friends stood in a line waiting for this.
My family business is not in the cosmetics, my father has been around guns and i've been around him since i was 7. My father and I are personal friends of M.T. Kalashnikov, he always came to Bulgaria to visit us, he was here for the opening of our gunshops and we were in Russia to visit him in his dacha(villa). I am writing you this because i never thought that i could do anything else in my life beside guns, but this came under my skin slowly, and I think that since i can believe in its qualities and make it a business, maybe i can convince others in its qualities.

With the right approach this can create a hype similar to Apple's. It's that good

Ok, there you have it - the story of my life

@Ewen - I was joking about the dining and cafeteria area - just wanted to highlight how pure the face cream is - it's so good you can eat it

@trendi - another "hook" for the cream - "Kalashnikov Gun Dealer Discovers..."


It's certainly going to be different to the L'Oreal, Maybelline or Olay Ads.


Steve

lol, you can say i deal with both death and life

kinda trying to compensate the lifes lost with the discovery of the fountain of youth

but no, i sell only hunting guns and accessories( Saiga, SLR and Tiger - the hunting variant of the SVD Dragunov). No embargos violated or african kids armed

But we are making progress.

"Secret Bulgarian Recipe"

"So Pure You Can Eat It" - or to prevent any FDA problems "So Pure You Could Eat It"

And the possible Kalashnikov tie in - "Don't Let Your Skin Look Like It's Been Hit By A Bullet" - errr- don't use this one it would be better for acne sufferers - (no offence intended to anyone).

If those testimonials you mentioned are for the same cream on the website - get them on.


Steve

yes, the testimonials are for the face cream. But i thought it'd be best for them to be connected onto my bulgarian site and it's fb page, so that everyone can see that those words came from real people and they're not created on a piece of paper...maybe cause bulgarians are so skeptical and are not easily "marketable"

Not sure how things are in the english-speaking markets, but it's just so full of fake stuff...The hardest for me here is to convince ppl im speaking the truth...and i have to demonstrate the edible part on 2/3 of the presentations

the good part here is i didn't even gained weight after so many jars eaten LOL nor i had any stomach disorders

trendi,

Somebody will say if I'm wrong - but I do think you can and should use these testimonials on the website.

In case we are losing anything in "translation" - I'm not suggesting that your delighted customers do eat the cream.

But we need to point out that as your creams only contain 100% natural ingredients - you could eat it.

With a demo of you, or someone actually doing it.

Why would this be effective?

Most "beauty care" products are jammed full of chemicals - you could name a selection that most have. With any credible medical studies showing the potential damage they can cause.

A huge % of your audience don't want these additives and chemicals - they want natural and organic - again you can point out the benefits.

Steve

Yes, Steve

one of the proven facts about conventional cosmetics is that in 85% of the breast cancer cases, there are huge depots of parabens situated around the metastasis(not sure if i translate it right). I don't say that parabens inflict that terrible disease, only the fact that the chems are there. Have to find that study and cite it

here is one:
breastcancerfund . org/clear-science/chemicals-glossary/parabens

OK... so you can highlight the awful effects of the horrors in conventional cosmetics - but don't mention any brand names - or they'll sue you to hell and back.

Our next step is to create a headline or as Ewen said a description.

We already have a product name.

I can do it - and so can you - but I would love to hear suggestions from the other copywriters.

Lets see what they come up with.


Steve

In reading this thread and viewing the website's current approach, I do have a suggestion - keep it positive, keep it simple, and emphasize the purity. The simple beauty is what it promises, and the purity is its selling point.

Picture this:

A close-up of a stunning natural (makeup-free) Norwegian beauty, on a pristine glacier. Stunning blue eyes, beautiful skin, profiled against one of nature's purest backgrounds.

The headline: Pure Beauty
The tagline: Nature's Purest Beauty Cream

And then go into some positive copy about the purity of this product, the effectiveness of it, and the glowing testimonials.

This keeps a positive promise for the product - it is pure, it is healthy, it keeps women beautiful. It is an image, and a truthful one.

The purity is what sets it apart from all the others, much like Ivory soap uses purity as a marketing point.

As for the negative associations mentioned (parabens, etc.) perhaps they could be addressed in separate area, but they'd detract from the mood we are trying to put the buyers into.

I'm not even sure I'd directly mention eating it, since that goes against normal behavior so much, but what about something like "So pure, even a baby could use it?"

Anyway, that's my initial reaction to this thread, without being a beauty expert or having done any market research on that specific product niche.

Upon further reflection, a more accurate characterization of the suggested model would be "classic Scandinavian beauty." But depending on the target audience, perhaps a line-up of naturally beautiful women of various nationalities (and even ages) could work too, using the same purity backdrop theme (which doesn't have to be a blue-white glacier, it could also be a pure water source such as a waterfall or spring).

In any case, the overall them would be the same - it is pure, it is healthy, it keeps women beautiful.

thanks all for the suggestions

I would never use that kind of negative tactics. Just can't go against conventional cosmetics, knowing how deep it is integrated in our lives. You can see that even now on the website i haven't said anything against them.

I was thinking today while driving...could i use JFK's famous quote, but twisted for my niche:

"ask not what your body can do for you - ask what you can do for your body"
Pure and fresh skin care, your body will thank you for

or is it too cliché?

Yes, i like the watery thing. It sets the mind of the viewer about the hydrating effect they can receive

I will browse the stock sites about something similar

....Snag is if you just promote "pure" with the purest of ideas - it's a bit too generic.

Dove do Ads - with a range of different women all happy and smiling - it's good.

And with a massive ad budget you could do the same.

But unless you have multitudes of traffic - you'll find it tough to compete with everybody else who raves about being "pure"

Also, when people do see the site- they are not necessary going to read about the benefits, purity and results of using the cream.

You need a brilliant "surprise" a stunning "shock" or a really excellent "gimmick" that grabs their attention.

Which makes them want to read the copy - then the discover how great the creams are.

Saying "Yes, this is so good, I must buy it"


Steve

The alternating slide show thing at the top isn't doing you any good. It's taking up valuable space that could and should be used for a benefit-oriented headline.

I scroll down a bit and the first thing I see is Anti Wrinkle Creme. So what? Now people are going to start to click away because anti wrinkle creme is nothing new. That's followed by several bullets describing features of your product rather than benefits, features that all anti wrinkle cremes have. Click. Bye.

Why do women buy cosmetics? Answer that. Take a couple of days to think about it and answer it in every possible way. Make a long, long list. Stretch your imagination. Ask as many women as you possibly can why they buy cremes and lotions and all the rest.

They do it because they want to look pretty. They want to make other women jealous. They want to be attractive to men. They want to look younger. They want to feel better. They do it because they believe in looking their best.

All of these reasons and lots more are benefits of using a product. Features are important but people buy stuff for what it will do for them... how they're going to feel as a result of using something. They're not always real excited about how the stuff will do it, just that it does. These reasons are rarely tangible, they're almost always attached to emotions.

This page needs to be re engineered toward the emotional aspect of beauty. Until you do that you're going to be floundering. Good luck.

hmm, another thing i forgot and may be usefull and i think you may have missed it :"Our products are always fresh, made in small product batches from the finest natural components."

yes, we really do have monthly production. we never stock or allow our dealers to do it, just because the lack of preservatives and emulgators make this concoction really sensitive to temperature changes and only 12m of validity. We even exchange for our own expense the products with less than 6m validity (i have lost so many contracts only because i want to ensure the creams are well treated )

this is just like the organic tomato you buy from your local small market. you wanna eat it the day you bought it - it won't be as fresh or tasty after 3 days...not like the GMO monsters from the superstore which can still look good after 2 weeks in your refrigerator.

Think about those creams exactly in the way you think about the small bio-producer..

but in the end i realised one thing : i really need good copywriter and i think here are the best ones

You could use Ewens old warhorse - which is by no means battle fatigued.

It works wonders -

“Warning: Don't Buy Any Face Cream Until You Get Answers To These 5 Questions!”


Steve


P.S. I can't find the link to the post that explains it more detail - but either Ewen or someone else will

...Found it.

http://www.warriorforum.com/offline-...out-water.html


Steve

Quite the conversation happening here

it's kinda showing your competitor's dirty underpants to their customers
I had a business meeting on monday, where i was invited by an Israeli company to discuss possibilities of partnership.

Well, i wasn't told EXACTLY what the meeting was for, and from the very beginning i began talking about my products, thinking they are possible buyers looking for import stuff.

So, i talked and talked for around 30-40 minutes, showed them the edible part and described them the love i have for the products, how me and my company are really healthy oriented...and then BAM.

They told me their real intentions! they were looking for someone who can outsource the packaging of their "unpure" products, so that they can mark as Made in EU and export to middle east(no deals with arab countries if a product is made in Israel)

And i have to say, they were really embarassed and didn't even wanted to show me their samples

They've thrown some mumbly excuse and asked me if i want them to help me sell there, but i guess that was just a regular line to help them escape with some dignity.

I guess all of the questions i wrote in the previous post could be directed to them.

Oh, the embarassement!

...sorry to here all that.

Now...shall we get back to your copy?


Steve

yep, sorry for this

what can you say about my previous post? Thought i could go with that idea you've shared

The WARNING sign is used as a title

Yes,

I would test the "Warning" style headline.

It does 3 vital things most headlines don't do.

It creates a high level of intrigue, a touch of mystery and a big injection of "fear" or "anxiety" - all resulting in an "itch" they have to scratch.

That can only be relieved when they read on...


Steve

At last!

We have a ladies point of view. Which is good because they are the target audience.

Even better on thread 46 on a post that didn't mention "skin care" we have teased out Donna's first post.

Better still she has made some excellent suggestions. With some copy that is perfect for this promo.


Steve

hey, thanks Donna

word "poison" is a little too harsh for my understanding. There are hundreds of products which are non-replaceable for now. It won't be wise to put them all in the same chapter since nobody can offer a "pure" alternative(or it'll be so expensive that noone could buy it) and we can't just stop using all of them.

Yes, there are horrible cases of paraben caused illnesses, but i prefer to point myself as a caring company, opposed to a profit-driven corporation.

Don't want to look as if i'm waging war with conventional cosmetics, since it's their existence that proves the quality of my products.

I'm stealing this

One thing you'll want to do is get a firm profile of your ideal target customer, and write directly to that person.

For the copy, taking your points, we could do something like this:

WARNING - Don't Use Your Face Cream Again Until You Know These Answers!

Is your face cream...
free of harmful chemicals and preservatives?
cruelty free, and not tested on animals?
rich in fresh vitamins and minerals?
naturally formulated to fight sun damage, free radicals, and photoaging?
guaranteed to deliver silky smooth, hyrated skin?
hypoallegenic, for even the most sensitive skin?
So pure...it is actually edible?

and then lead into a compelling section that makes the customer really want to try this product.

In this type of approach, the questions would reset the customer's criteria, and the copy would show that this product is the ideal solution.

These are all just rough ideas at this point, but something to think about.

Gordon,

I did mention on thread 25 about potential FDA problems.

It would be far too risky to say the cream is "edible" - a possible alternative "it is so pure you could eat it" (with a warning saying for f*** sake don't).

But you are so right - everything has to be approved by the lawyers.

It's true different skin types need different treatments - there's an TV Ad running in the UK at the moment.

The store has a portable "machine" which tells the skin type. The sales assistant then picks from a huge variety - the "correct" skin care product for the happy customer.

Probably the only way around this - providing our OP has the research - and is able to say that his "product" is suitable for all skin types.

And you are right again about there being no USP - this is what we are trying to discover.


Steve

Steve,

Good points.

If the client has the full ownership and (c) having paid for the work.

Would that prevent the writer from getting any lawsuits?


Steve

Hey, quite a conversation on this topic

let me serve you some info about the products...

They are all done under skilled pharmaceutical control, passed all governmental regulations, full lab tests and they're all good to sell through every country in EU.

Zero microbiological infections found(ive posted a scanned copy of the tests on my etsy page with a government seal of approval. Yes, i know Bulgaria may sound far away land to you, but we're in EU and the laws that are acting in France, Germany or UK, are the laws i comply with)

Zero preservatives used to achieve that

14 of the ingredients are vegetable oils, which are really close to the human skin and it's constistency, thus they are hypoallergenic. part of my ingredients are : safflower, olive, grapeseed, sesame...Oils that are also used in COOKING! But, even then, those oils determined for culinary use differ from the unrefined used in cosmetics. They are purer, taken with only the technology of cold-pressing(lol, there's no technology at all here). So i can say, they are healthier than your regular oil used for frying, even if it's marked as Organic

Yes, the consistency is oily, not much suitable for people with oily skin type, but!...the grapeseed oil i mentioned before works really well for regulating the skin secretion and balancing it. And if used as overnight cream by women/ men with oily skin it'll help them without clogging the pores, but it's unusable in the day as a base by them(not untill the grapeseed oil takes care of the secretion)

As i said earlier, the production process doesn't harm in any way the ingredients, every single vitamin, mineral, polyunsaturated fat, are still there. No heating over **(secret ) degrees used. Hell, even if there was a bacterial infection it could be there too . But that's what the lab tests are for

the 15th ingredient, are the bees products. the bees products themselves contain 4 products(not sure their names in english), and yes, people can have allergies to bees or honey, or beeswax...That's why the INCI is for...no sane woman or man with such an allergy would use it before reading. There's a pic of a bee cell in the front side of the box, but you're all right. I should write it with big letters.

Liability insurance is too on its way. i've heard enough of the US court system. thank you

For the edible part...I won't recommend it at all of course. A face cream is not invented to be eaten. It is just for advertisement use.

And Donna, please give me your coordinates : email or something. I'd really like to send you a free sample

P.S.
For the US insurance to take effect i've ran the same tests in US lab. The microbiological infections tested for presence are exactly the same as here in EU. No molds, yeasts, E.Coli, staphylococcus aureus, heterotrophic mesophilic micro flora, enterobacteriaceae...

It is pure

P.S. 2

I have many clients allergic to all kinds of cosmetics. With rashes, inflammated skin... they're so scared of everything that they could never buy anything out of a cosmetic store. When i try to convince them(they're usually friends or friends of friends) i recommend them to test the cream for 24hrs on the wrists or the inner side of the elbow, where the skin is the most sensitive. All of them became die-hard fans

Hey trendi80,
Why not LICENSE the product, controlling the manufacturing process yourself and let an established marketer sell your product?

Of course, you want to maintain control of the manufacturing process but it seems to me, your product would be great for Home Shopping and QVC and there are many marketers who could create an infomercial and/or ads which could allow you to sell millions of units.

But, that may not be your goal.

Just tossing it out for your consideration.

Gordon Jay Alexander gjabiz

PS. In case you may be, my email is gjabiz@yahoo.com


Hey

today i mailed the wrong person...and the store name is exactly the same(or it was the owner with that name, not sure) so please, there's the link to mine, send a message pls : Natural cosmetics made with care and love by Biograzia on Etsy

@gjabiz

Really appreciate your offer, It's most interesting, who doesn't want their product to have million sales?
But, in my case, it just can't happen...At the moment i have a limited production. the shelf life of the product itself is quite short, compared to other cosmetics, my return policy could litteraly ruin me, if sales aren't going as planned , the storage requirements and shipping terms are not the kind every seller would agree to...you see, lots of obstacles for a distribution of giant proportions...
For the time i'd prefer to stay as a completely independent manufacturer(those contracts could kill my small company). But hey, let's keep the converstion open if possible, everyone wants to be a millionaire