Need Help with Conversion. FREE Product for Top 5 Answers.

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I actually studied a great deal of stuff from John Carlton, Jason Fladlien, Joe Vitale, and Michael Masterson before writing this. So I do know some technical aspects of copywriting. Hook, proof, offer, emotional triggers, benefits over features, etc... But I'm lacking in experience.

I also know getting pro copywriting advice costs a premium, but my budget is really tied up right now. So the best I can do is give you the program for free if your answer has more substance than, "This is crap! That is all."

I tend to see that from time to time here. And although it’s hilarious to read, it kind of sucks for the OP. :p

But even though some warriors give pretty worthless comments, some of you are very generous and absolute geniuses! (Steve the Copywriter, Andrew Gould, Mark Andrews, just to name a few.) I'm hoping for the latter.

After all, I joined this forum to give help and get help. And I'm banking on the fact that the majority of you ended up here for the same reason.

I'm not afraid of getting ripped apart. I just need more substance. Something like, "This is crap, because... and here's a suggestion...."

Again, I fully understand I'm asking for something can easily run me into the hundreds to thousands of dollars. But my dad always told me, "It doesn't hurt to ask." So here it goes.

Here's the page: Instant Motivation Supercharger

Right now my sales conversion rate is at 1%. Half from my list, half from affiliates.

Keep in mind, I'm in the middle of split testing 6 different headlines. So you may not see the same headline that everyone else is seeing.

Here are the variations:

1. http://instantmotivationsupercharger...riations/1.png
2. http://instantmotivationsupercharger...riations/2.png
3. http://instantmotivationsupercharger...riations/3.png
4. http://instantmotivationsupercharger...riations/4.png
5. http://instantmotivationsupercharger...riations/5.png
6. http://instantmotivationsupercharger...riations/6.png

The conversion goal I’m using for this split test is “Engagement.” Meaning, if they click anywhere on the page, it counts as a conversion.

I’m tracking this instead of purchases, because I think that it’ll determine a winner faster.

So far #6 is the top performer, converting at 50% engagement. The control is #1, converting at 33.3% engagement.

And again, my overall sales conversion is at 1%. I’m trying to get it up to at least 3%. Which I’ve been told is generally accepted as decent copy.

Thanks for taking a look!

Jeff

Update:

Holy crap that was quick! All 5 have copies have been given out. Thank you guys so much for sharing your insight and expertise. Man, I have sooooo much to work on now. I'll work a lot of your suggestions into my next few rounds of testing.

You guys are just brilliant!

If you still want to critique. By all means, please do. I would love to hear more!
#answers #conversion #free #product #top
  • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
    Hi Jeff,

    Think of one problem, one solution.

    The reader knows it is for him,
    and then you just demonstrate your solution.

    An example would be...

    ---------------------------------------------------------------
    If this is you...

    Your goals aren't being meet, And You've Tried Positive Thinking,
    Some Secret At The Feet Of A Guru, Or Any Other Mumbo Jumbo...

    Then This Simple Demonstration Will Be A Revelation...

    If You Are Ready For The Truth

    ---------------------------------------------------------------

    See how it's hitting the sore point and told that hurting person you
    are going to demonstrate why it's happening?

    Now you have what that person wants and disqualifying everyone else.

    Once again,
    come up with one problem and one solution.

    Best,
    Ewen

    P.S. I didn't say this to get a freebie.
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    • Profile picture of the author jjbalagosa
      Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

      Hi Jeff,

      Think of one problem, one solution.

      The reader knows it is for him,
      and then you just demonstrate your solution.

      An example would be...

      ---------------------------------------------------------------
      If this is you...

      Your goals aren't being meet, And You've Tried Positive Thinking,
      Some Secret At The Feet Of A Guru, Or Any Other Mumbo Jumbo...

      Then This Simple Demonstration Will Be A Revelation...

      If You Are Ready For The Truth

      ---------------------------------------------------------------

      See how it's hitting the sore point and told that hurting person you
      are going to demonstrate why it's happening?

      Now you have what that person wants and disqualifying everyone else.

      Once again,
      come up with one problem and one solution.

      Best,
      Ewen

      P.S. I didn't say this to get a freebie.
      Thank you Ewen! Great advice man.
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  • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
    Hi Jeff,

    Originally Posted by jjbalagosa View Post

    But even though some warriors give pretty worthless comments, some of you are very generous and absolute geniuses! (Steve the Copywriter, Andrew Gould, Mark Andrews, just to name a few.)
    Thank you for the kind words, it's always nice to be appreciated.

    Give it a thorough proof-reading. E.g. first sentence should be "wealth and success", second sentence "only to put", after the Sick of It All subhead you don't need the that.

    I thought all your headlines were pretty decent (except the market test one, that didn't seem to click at all and giving the price straight away usually means the buying decision will be made then and there - before they've read your pitch), but I wouldn't use the same deck copy for each of them. For example, when you tell me your system is the only one I'll ever need, the next line should be expanding on that, telling me why that's true.

    Give your photo a caption. And if you've got one, put up a photo of you, on your own, in the "before" stage.

    Space your bullets out more to make them easier to read and see how bolding every other one looks.

    Your "Fact" boxes are an excellent place for proof elements. E.g. According to a 2009 study by Harvard University ("Motivation for the Lazy Man" Dr. J. Smith)... And instead of using them to just make a statement, I'd link each one back to the reader.

    The e-cover's poor and looks out of place. I'd get it professionally done, or use a better template, asap. You can use the re-design as an excuse for a promotion ("Vote for your favorite cover" or something similar).

    Go into more detail on what's inside each chapter, this is the standard place for your bullets, and alter the design so the focus is on the chapter name rather than the number.

    To me, the testimonials seemed to flow into one, I'd put them in individual boxes. And get photos for them if possible (it's probably easy to get one of Michael Lee). If not, and you don't do already, ask for one in your testimonial getting process.

    Pump up your guarantee, at the moment it could be for absolutely anything - give it a name, use it to restate benefits and sign it.

    Is your list used to buying online? It could be worth explaining the process (When you click the "Add to cart" button, you'll be taken to.... and so on).

    Get your signature in blue.

    Consider surveying your buyers list to find out who buys and why so you can target the page more.

    Hope some of this is helpful for you,

    Good luck.

    P.S. Same as Ewen - I've not done this for any freebie.
    Signature

    Andrew Gould

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    • Profile picture of the author jjbalagosa
      Originally Posted by Andrew Gould View Post

      Give it a thorough proof-reading. E.g. first sentence should be "wealth and success", second sentence "only to put", after the Sick of It All subhead you don't need the that.
      Yikes! That's embarrassing. It's funny how you can read your own work hundreds of times and then a fresh pair of eyes catches something out of left field.

      Lots of great advice and detailed too.

      You've given me lots of things to work on.

      I'm humbled sir!

      I don't know how you guys do it. It takes so much time to answer in this kind of detail. Thank you!
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  • Profile picture of the author TheSalesBooster
    This is an interesting one indeed.

    I am actually a good target for a product like this, but this... It didn't do much for me.

    Your writing is good. I actually was engaged in the copy and read most of it to the end, but I wasn't sucked into your copy. I was reading it because I was looking for an answer. I was looking for something that would tell me you figured out the cure for (in my case) procrastination...

    ...and I didn't find it.

    Ewen brings up a good point. Stick with offering a solution to a specific problem.

    Also here is one thing would love to see on your sales page.

    A video of you talking about what you have to offer.

    This will either make or break your product. Having you on camera being confident and motivated will inspire people. They will think you know what you're talking about.

    Take a look at tony robbins and his seminars. I know you said you don't like pep talks to get people motivated, but using it to get people motivated to buy is a powerful tool...


    He gets people motivated because everything he does and says oozes confidence. People naturally follow confident people. You could literally repackage what he just said above into your own video and sell your product.

    If you can get on camera and talk about how you use to be a lazy bum and now you've changed your life, etc. Then I think you would instill a huge amount of trust and confidence into your buyers.
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    • Profile picture of the author jjbalagosa
      Originally Posted by TheSalesBooster View Post

      This is an interesting one indeed.

      I am actually a good target for a product like this, but this... It didn't do much for me.

      Your writing is good. I actually was engaged in the copy and read most of it to the end, but I wasn't sucked into your copy. I was reading it because I was looking for an answer. I was looking for something that would tell me you figured out the cure for (in my case) procrastination...

      ...and I didn't find it.

      Ewen brings up a good point. Stick with offering a solution to a specific problem.

      Also here is one thing would love to see on your sales page.

      A video of you talking about what you have to offer.

      This will either make or break your product. Having you on camera being confident and motivated will inspire people. They will think you know what you're talking about.

      Take a look at tony robbins and his seminars. I know you said you don't like pep talks to get people motivated, but using it to get people motivated to buy is a powerful tool...

      Anthony Robbins Tony Robbins Motivational Speech Better Than Obama Inauguration Speech - YouTube

      He gets people motivated because everything he does and says oozes confidence. People naturally follow confident people. You could literally repackage what he just said above into your own video and sell your product.

      If you can get on camera and talk about how you use to be a lazy bum and now you've changed your life, etc. Then I think you would instill a huge amount of trust and confidence into your buyers.
      Yeah, I've actually considered incorporating a video for my next round of testing. Thanks for the feedback! And great Tony Robbins vid! I draw a lot of inspiration from that giant of a man! :p
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  • Profile picture of the author Gene.Gerwin
    I just read last week (I wish I remember where) that conversion rates on sales pages are down about 50% across all industries from what they were during better economic times.

    So, if you're getting 1% now and you were expecting 2%, don't beat yourself up about it.

    Do you have any stats on what peers in your industry are averaging?
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Originally Posted by Gene.Gerwin View Post

      I just read last week (I wish I remember where) that conversion rates on sales pages are down about 50% across all industries from what they were during better economic times.

      So, if you're getting 1% now and you were expecting 2%, don't beat yourself up about it.

      Do you have any stats on what peers in your industry are averaging?
      Gene, I've seen oodles of case studies that have website conversions increased
      in the double and triple digits.

      Happening right now.

      Best,
      Ewen
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      • Profile picture of the author jjbalagosa
        Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

        Gene, I've seen oodles of case studies that have website conversions increased
        in the double and triple digits.

        Happening right now.

        Best,
        Ewen
        Gotta say that got me worried a little bit. Thanks for chiming in.
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  • Profile picture of the author Nick Kringas
    You say you've studied copywriting... what exercises have you done to make you a better copywriter?
    What successful sales letters do you have in your swipe file?
    Who else is successful selling to your market?
    Who is your market exactly/specifically?

    I don't mean to be to the point but I think it will help clarify things before diving into the sales letter.
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    • Profile picture of the author jjbalagosa
      Originally Posted by Nick Kringas View Post

      You say you've studied copywriting... what exercises have you done to make you a better copywriter?
      Not really sure how that applies really. I mean, you don't really need to know my background to critique my sales page. I only said that I've studied copywriting so people won't be afraid to talk to me in technical terms.

      But, ok I'll bite.

      I've done Michael Masterson's 6 Figure Copywriting Course.

      I've gone through Randy Gage's Course - How to Become a Copywriting Stud.

      I've completed John Carlton's Kick Ass Copywriting Course.

      To structure this particular sales page, I used Jason Fladliens Stopwatch Copywriting course. (BTW, this was the cheapest one. But holy cow this one was delivered just as much as the big guns above. Some areas, even more so!) I really like his methodology on how he'll write his copy in just one sitting.

      I've done every exercise in each of the courses above.

      I also, have about a dozen books and ebooks on copywriting. But I find myself referring to Joe Vitale's Hypnotic Writing books, the Robert Collier book, and Word's That Sell by Richard Bayan the most.

      I also, study writing in general. My 2 favorite and most beat up books are On Writing Well by William Zinsser. And Strunk and White's Elements of Style.

      Originally Posted by Nick Kringas View Post

      What successful sales letters do you have in your swipe file?
      Again, not sure how that one applies. But ok.

      I actually have a few gigs worth of Snagit captures of work that caught my eye. I LOVE the Gary Halbert letters. I save a lot of my junk mail too. A couple binders worth. The controls that some of the big companies use are priceless.

      But, I mainly refer to Joe Vitale's Hypnotic Writing Swipe File and My Instant Swipe File from Jeff Gardner. It's just easier to search through because they're all classified in there.

      Originally Posted by Nick Kringas View Post

      Who else is successful selling to your market?
      For this market, I mainly take inspiration from Joe Vitale, Brian Tracy, and Randy Gage. They're pretty dominant in the Personal Development niche.

      But I really like John Carlton's style and I try to incorporate what I think he might write in sales letters. And I think that good principles like his can translate to any niche.

      Originally Posted by Nick Kringas View Post

      Who is your market exactly/specifically?
      Procrastinators that want to take action but need more info on how do it consistently.

      It's why I titled the guide: The Instant Motivation Supercharger: "Breakthrough Methods for Taking Massive Action to Get Things Done!"

      It should be pretty evident in the copy... At least I hope it is.
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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    It's one of the better pieces I've seen in here in a long time. I'm wondering who you're targeting with it. I only skimmed but here are a few suggestions. DON'T call it an ebook. eBooks are a dime a dozen.

    Call it a guide or a program, course... Anything but a freakin' ebook. Get a spiffy image for your guide. The style of the one you have there now is about 10 years out of date. You'd also do well to get images created for all your bonus items as well. Nice job.
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    • Profile picture of the author jjbalagosa
      Originally Posted by travlinguy View Post

      It's one of the better pieces I've seen in here in a long time. I'm wondering who you're targeting with it. I only skimmed but here are a few suggestions. DON'T call it an ebook. eBooks are a dime a dozen.

      Call it a guide or a program, course... Anything but a freakin' ebook. Get a spiffy image for your guide. The style of the one you have there now is about 10 years out of date. You'd also do well to get images created for all your bonus items as well. Nice job.
      Thank you!

      And yikes! Another embarrassing one. Can't believe I kept "Ebook" in there. I really thought I changed it on the final draft to "Guide."
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  • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
    You aren't connecting with the key emotions that your prospects are feeling.

    The copy between "dear friend" and the first "fact" image doesn't flow.

    You're only targeting the superficial emotions - with circumstances that aren't, in my opinion, what most people in this niche are experiencing.

    What I mean is...

    People who spend their time and money on personal development are overly goal oriented.

    I don't think laziness applies as much as you think.

    You're projecting, rather than REALLY putting yourself in your prospect's shoes.

    Here's what I've learned about deliberate manifestation (which is what I perceive you're ultimately trying to sell - by helping people overcome their own self-imposed limiting beliefs

    ...You can't inspire self-help prospects to take action by dredging up the whole, "your subconscious mind creates your reality" thing.

    It's too obscure.

    Start with describing the self-empowerment that people want, dream about and deeply crave.

    Build a sense of attachment to what most people want.

    You didn't do that.

    I wouldn't focus too much on your own story.

    I would close your eyes and remember how it felt to live stuck in escapism (e.g. feeling small, unworthy, horribly afraid, angry, jealous, etc.)

    Spend more time articulating the circumstances that everyone wants.

    What does it FEEL like to live financially free?

    What does it FEEL like to achieve the body of your dreams?

    What does it FEEL like to attract into your life the woman of your dreams?

    Describe those circumstances.

    Then dive into the reasons most people never achieve their dreams.

    Tell them, "I'll take the blindfold off and help you see how your subconscious mind dictates your life. And I'll show you HOW to retake control of your reality by awakening your subconscious and FINALLY creating the circumstances you deserve, at will!"

    Just a thought...

    Mark

    P.S. Where the brand? I don't see it anywhere. There's no meat to bite into.
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    • Profile picture of the author jjbalagosa
      Originally Posted by Mark Pescetti View Post

      You aren't connecting with the key emotions that your prospects are feeling.

      The copy between "dear friend" and the first "fact" image doesn't flow.

      You're only targeting the superficial emotions - with circumstances that aren't, in my opinion, what most people in this niche are experiencing.

      What I mean is...

      People who spend their time and money on personal development are overly goal oriented.

      I don't think laziness applies as much as you think.

      You're projecting, rather than REALLY putting yourself in your prospect's shoes.

      Here's what I've learned about deliberate manifestation (which is what I perceive you're ultimately trying to sell - by helping people overcome their own self-imposed limiting beliefs

      ...You can't inspire self-help prospects to take action by dredging up the whole, "your subconscious mind creates your reality" thing.

      It's too obscure.

      Start with describing the self-empowerment that people want, dream about and deeply crave.

      Build a sense of attachment to what most people want.

      You didn't do that.

      I wouldn't focus too much on your own story.

      I would close your eyes and remember how it felt to live stuck in escapism (e.g. feeling small, unworthy, horribly afraid, angry, jealous, etc.)

      Spend more time articulating the circumstances that everyone wants.

      What does it FEEL like to live financially free?

      What does it FEEL like to achieve the body of your dreams?

      What does it FEEL like to attract into your life the woman of your dreams?

      Describe those circumstances.

      Then dive into the reasons most people never achieve their dreams.

      Tell them, "I'll take the blindfold off and help you see how your subconscious mind dictates your life. And I'll show you HOW to retake control of your reality by awakening your subconscious and FINALLY creating the circumstances you deserve, at will!"

      Just a thought...

      Mark

      P.S. Where the brand? I don't see it anywhere. There's no meat to bite into.
      Wow, man! Thank you! Very detailed. You obviously know this market very well. Very humbled.

      Thanks so much for taking the time. I'm still working on getting better at creating a vivid picture for the prospect. Great advice!
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Originally Posted by Mark Pescetti View Post


      P.S. Where the brand? I don't see it anywhere. There's no meat to bite into.
      Mark, I've seen lot's of split test results where the brand on the header is
      used decreases response...bit of an ego blow to the product owner!

      Best,
      Ewen
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      • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
        I believe #1 would be your highest-performing headline if you dropped "Overweight" and took two commas out...

        “How a Video Game Addicted Slacker
        Dropped 70 Pounds, Married His Dream Girl,
        and Became a Full-Time Entrepreneur”


        Alex
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