UPDATE AND ADJUSTMENT. Appreciate any thoughts You might have on this copy.

Jeremey

12 years ago

My honest thoughts are that it doesn't seem like you care that much about selling the DVD?

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gjabiz

12 years ago

Originally Posted by Jeremey

My honest thoughts are that it doesn't seem like you care that much about selling the DVD?

I don't. Thanks.

gjabiz

Thanks
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Jeremey

12 years ago

Originally Posted by gjabiz

I don't. Thanks.

gjabiz

Here's a more thorough assessment....

You have decades of experience that you're willing to share with us guys just starting out - you've probably forgotten more about copywriting than a lot of people will ever learn. But as someone in your target market, the tone is more than a little aggressive. I get it, your angle is that you only want serious people who are willing to put in the work. But there's a few too many of the "go away, I don't care, I've got better things to do..." that make me think, "geez, I'd have to listen to this guy act like an asshole for 55 minutes?" - And if you really don't care at all if people are going to pick up the DVD, then I'm going to wonder about the quality of the content...Which I'm sure would be a mistake because it sounds like you have a lot to offer. But are people going to be able to get through the "surly old curmudgeon" schtick to hit "Buy?" I don't know.

Just offering some thoughts as requested.

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Alex Cohen

12 years ago

There's not enough credibility building in the letter. Those of us who know and respect you don't need it, but your target group --- Beginners and Newbies --- do, because they won't know who you are.

Also, there's no "reason why". Readers will be left asking themselves, why is he bothering to offer this?

Alex

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gjabiz

12 years ago

Absolutely spot on. Thanks.
gjabiz

Originally Posted by Alex Cohen

There's not enough credibility building in the letter. Those of us who know and respect you don't need it, but your target group --- Beginners and Newbies --- do, because they won't know who you are.

Also, there's no "reason why". Readers will be left asking themselves, why is he bothering to offer this?

Alex

Thanks
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Jeremey

12 years ago

Wow Gordon, your revision is much more appealing. You basically described my situation (your target market) perfectly in the deck and outlined the real benefit to buying your DVD - Not at all the "I could care less" attitude that was such a turn off in the original copy.

I guess my only question at this point is, where is the product!?

Is this DVD currently in production or are you just testing the market? Also, would it be available in digital form (for those of us that no longer have DVD drives on our computers...Thanks Apple...)

Thanks
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gjabiz

12 years ago

Yea, I know. The "third" one could sell many copies. But here is my problem.

I can create a product a day for the next two years. But I lack desire to market.

Yes, the "video" is done, it is very guerrilla, as most of my videos have been.

Yes, it does contain proprietary information not available anywhere else. Yes, it does everything the promotion says...but,

NO desire to market. Been there, done that, tired out.

So, do I put it on DVD? Do I make it a download? Or do I just continue to be happy and not worry about the future?

The third promo is one of those "I want you to have this before it is too late" sort of deals with much more info and cred and reasons why...blah, blah.

But, have you ever heard the phrase "jealously guarded secrets"?

This usually comes right before they "spill my guts" thing.

I've taught 3 people in the world my Animal Hypnotic Fascination Technique, and 2 of them didn't follow up...all 3 were professionals, including an MD and PhD. That is truly a JEALOUSLY guarded secret.

It has less to do with selling stuff and more about WHO gets it, which is sort of an anti-marketing stance. Hence, my attitude in first copy.

I DO have secrets from my 50 years in business...the question is, WHY do I need to share them? Maybe it is better they get buried with me? Just thinking aloud here.

Thank you for your time and feedback, it is appreciated.

gjabiz

PS. I can still pick up the phone and reach 4 CEOs of 100 million dollar a year marketing companies who would love to find some NEW copywriters who can produce results. There is always room and money available for people who can produce results. But finding them is like looking for hen's teeth at the beach.

Originally Posted by Jeremey

Wow Gordon, your revision is much more appealing. You basically described my situation (your target market) perfectly in the deck and outlined the real benefit to buying your DVD - Not at all the "I could care less" attitude that was such a turn off in the original copy.

I guess my only question at this point is, where is the product!?

Is this DVD currently in production or are you just testing the market? Also, would it be available in digital form (for those of us that no longer have DVD drives on our computers...Thanks Apple...)

Thanks

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Mark Pescetti

12 years ago

I'd get even more in your prospect's face:

"Most new or aspiring copywriters waste their time trying to convince people with no money to hire them - just to beef up their portfolio.

Do you really want to start off your career by pimpin' out your insecurity to get clients?

REALLY!?!?

Do you want to sound like this:

'I have absolutely no experience... will you please, please, please hire me so I don't embarrass myself as much with my next victim... I mean client?!?!'

Hell no!

The fact of the matter is...

If you want to be a copywriter, you've got to start acting like one from the very beginning.

You have to demonstrate your ability to sell yourself before you have any business trying to weasel your way into someone else's hopes and dreams.

Take responsibility.

Buy my DVD - so you don't leave a trail of ruined lives in your wake... because people who don't know better hired your sorry a$$!"

Just riffing...

Anyway...

I like your positioning. I do.

I just feel like you're holding back.

If you're gonna bust balls, make the buggers swell.

I'd also go after the newbie online business owners who NEED to learn the essentials of copywriting to succeed.

mark

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Steve The Copywriter

12 years ago

Gordon,

It's written in your inimitable style. It's minimalist, but gets the points straight across. Very few people can do this effectively. Many would have rambled on for 27 pages, you only need one page.

It's a touch unusual for the aggressiveness and "buy it or go away." Of course it stops the time wasters. And concentrates on the serious players. But you usually have a much more empathetic tone. It might bother those who are used to your friendlier writing. Then again if they know you, they should appreciate that the Dvd is good.

Steve

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Marvin Johnston

12 years ago

I like the tone of the sales letter ... it is SO unusual for almost every sales letter I've read to say bluntly and in plain English who the product is NOT for!

If for beginning copywriters, it seemed to assume prior research as it doesn't mention anything about the critical need for research or how to use research for their offering.

In general, I liked the use of "old curmudgeon", etc. since my experience is that anyone calling themselves that has opinions and is generally someone worth listening to.

It had me smiling all the way through so I was looking for they "buy" button but couldn't find it

.

Marvin

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ewenmack

12 years ago

I think of what's lacking compared to Gary Bencivenga and John Carlton.

Even when they are offering something to their followers,
they will still bring in proof from clients and peers.

And a rule Gary B. has, the bigger claim, the bigger the proof is needed.

I see none of it on display Gordon.

Next what I see missing is pin-pointing a immediately recognizable problem.

If you know of one for your target audience, then it needs to come out of the closet.

Those 2 points come immediately to my mind.

Best,
Ewen

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gjabiz

12 years ago

Originally Posted by ewenmack

I think of what's lacking compared to Gary Bencivenga and John Carlton.

Even when they are offering something to their followers,
they will still bring in proof from clients and peers.

And a rule Gary B. has, the bigger claim, the bigger the proof is needed.

I see none if it on display Gordon.

Next what I see missing is pin-pointing a immediately recognizable problem.

If you know of one for your target audience, then it needs to come out of the closet.

Those 2 points come immediately to my mind.

Best,
Ewen

Every copywriter needs to copy and paste these 2 points. Thanks Ewen.

gjabiz

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RickDuris

12 years ago

Gordon,

This is the best you can do when describing your life's work? Something that really can change copywriters' lives forever?

- Rick Duris

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gjabiz 12 years ago

Originally Posted by RickDuris

Gordon,

This is the best you can do when describing your life's work? Something that really can change copywriters' lives forever?

- Rick Duris

Ah, MY angst. It is my dilemma. Providing life changing info... but to whom?

Rick, I think you're one of the top guys here. Good questions.

Throwing two minute spaghetti against the wall. That's all.

This piece of "copy" has provided me with some good food for thought and some great answers, and the time taken to respond is appreciated.

ONE idea from one post makes a huge difference.

Thanks Rick,

gjabiz
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Mark Pescetti

12 years ago

The copy, as it is right now, doesn't connect with the angst that new copywriters experience.

What are their fears?

Why do they spend so much of their energy worrying about competition, rather than taking the steps to build their own confidence?

How can they learn the right ways to position themselves to higher-end clients, instead of feeling like they have to bottom feed?

New copywriters deal with so many internal and external objections... that most fail.

Of course...

With the right guidance...

They absolutely can succeed.

You have that authoritive voice.

Now you just need to connect with where they're at, emotionally speaking, and describe what they CAN achieve if they utilize everything you teach in the DVD.

Of course...

I'm not telling you anything you don't know.

I personally find your approach intriguing.

You're just omitting too many opportunities to let your voice out of the corral and tell your prospects how your DVD can and WILL change the very course of their lives, personally AND professionally.

Mark

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gjabiz 12 years ago

Thanks Mark, as usual, you have some great stuff there to think about. It is appreciated.

gjabiz
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Steve Hill

12 years ago

A few first impressions:

The "I don't care" attitude would have me wondering about the quality of the DVD, if I wasn't already familiar with your background and skills. Any potential buyer would surely hope you cared when making it, and would stick around for the forums.

It is positioned for beginners and newbies, but they are told to go away if they don't already know what an upsell is.

I assume this is rough copy, and any typos and inconsistencies would be fixed for the final version.

In general, I'd echo Jeremy's assessment.

Given your experience and background, perhaps it could be positioned as an exclusive opportunity to learn directly from you (which it is). This kind of opportunity doesn't come along often. Exclusivity and scarcity (especially at this reasonable price point) could be a convincing argument, while still making it clear that only serious learners need apply.

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gjabiz

12 years ago

Thanks,

It is rough. A test. I've gotten results I wanted to see.

Thanks for your time and thoughts.

gjabiz

Originally Posted by Steve Hill

A few first impressions:

The "I don't care" attitude would have me wondering about the quality of the DVD, if I wasn't already familiar with your background and skills. Any potential buyer would surely hope you cared when making it, and would stick around for the forums.

It is positioned for beginners and newbies, but they are told to go away if they don't already know what an upsell is.

I assume this is rough copy, and any typos and inconsistencies would be fixed for the final version.

In general, I'd echo Jeremy's assessment.

Given your experience and background, perhaps it could be positioned as an exclusive opportunity to learn directly from you (which it is). This kind of opportunity doesn't come along often. Exclusivity and scarcity (especially at this reasonable price point) could be a convincing argument, while still making it clear that only serious learners need apply.

Thanks

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CopyMonster

12 years ago

Hope you don't mind Gordon, I'm going to be blunt here... that's it for a copywriting product - really? It doesn't put the tingle my pants... (and I'm usually a sucker for anything on copywriting, sales, marketing, persuasion, influence)

Like others have said it lacks reason why, proof. And for me, excitement.

I get the "I don't care" takeaway element. But my gut says that anyone that doesn't know you and even those who do, are more likely switch off than turn on because the benefits and reason why are weak.

Bottom lining this puppy - it needs more juice, even if you don't care if they buy it.

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gjabiz

12 years ago

I appreciate your bluntness. Good points.

Thanks,

gjabiz

Originally Posted by CopyMonster

Hope you don't mind Gordon, I'm going to be blunt here... that's it for a copywriting product - really? It doesn't put the tingle my pants... (and I'm usually a sucker for anything on copywriting, sales, marketing, persuasion, influence)

Like others have said it lacks reason why, proof. And for me, excitement.

I get the "I don't care" takeaway element. But my gut says that anyone that doesn't know you and even those who do, are more likely switch off than turn on because the benefits and reason why are weak.

Bottom lining this puppy - it needs more juice, even if you don't care if they buy it.

Thanks

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The Copy Nazi

Banned 12 years ago

You wanna know what I think?

Thanks

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Mark Pescetti

12 years ago

This much more progressive in the way you convey emotion.

You're connecting with newbie copywriters where they are.

On a feeling level...

I walked away from the letter more uplifted, inspired and empowered.

The message I got is: "Yes, I can be successful. Yes, I can cut my learning curve by 99%. Yes, I can be amongst the top producing copywriters in the industry, today."

There's still so much more room to paint a bigger picture.

Describe the struggles that new copywriters experience in detail.

Really agitate the hell out of these people.

Get them feeling the pain of being just another bottom feeder.

Don't stop at telling them they can "get paid well."

Describe the lifestyle of a successful copywriter.

Light up their imagination.

Go after their desire to become famous (or at least infamous) for writing copy that sells.

Talk about how the economy is creating more potential clients who have original solutions to sell...

...and how their services can help shift the paradigm for HOW people can make money on this planet.

"Stop being a part of the problem... and become the solution!"

Again...

Just riffing...

You have so much more to offer.

Take off the shackles.

Go for it.

Don't hold back.

Mark

P.S. I love the old school look and feel. However, I sense that a VSL will convert massively.

Thanks

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UPDATE AND ADJUSTMENT. Appreciate any thoughts You might have on this copy.

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