the first sentence in your copy - long or short?

21 replies
I'm curious to know what you guys do in reguards to the very first line in your sales copy. Do you take the sugarman approach and make it short, or are you more open about the length?
#copy #long #sentence #short
  • Profile picture of the author Rezbi
    I make all sentences short as possible while saying much.

    That includes the first.

    And last.
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  • Always start with a short sentence.

    Otherwise your poor reader is going to think "Oh no, this looks like hard work..."


    Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author Horny Devil
      Banned
      It depends entirely upon who the pitch is to and what the subject matter is.
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      • Profile picture of the author Rezbi
        Originally Posted by Horny Devil View Post

        It depends entirely upon who the pitch is to and what the subject matter is.
        No. It doesn't.

        No matter what you're writing for/about, the less words you use the better.

        As long as it delivers its message.
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        • Profile picture of the author secretguy
          Originally Posted by Rezbi View Post

          No. It doesn't.

          No matter what you're writing for/about, the less words you use the better.

          As long as it delivers its message.
          Hey it's a great discussion here

          I think that it's not "the less words" as long as it delivers the message.
          It's the number of words as long as it SELLS the product.

          But you are right @Rezbi I also like to use the less words most important in the first sentences so it's very easy for people to read it.

          In fact, some sales letters can start with the first sentence beign just 1 word.

          Like:
          Headline: "The Secret System To Get $1,000 a Year"
          First Sentence: ...finally

          That word makes 2 jobs.
          1. Make it easy to read.
          2. Begins curiosity to continue reading... "finally what?"
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  • Thomas,

    Writing shorter lines at the beginning of sales copy or blog posts is definitely a good tactic for keeping your reader engaged and ensuring they will read further. Of course this assumes that the content you have written is compelling in the first place. Users of the web are in a hurry almost all the time and large blocks of text cause anxiety. If your content is good, you can keep your readers engaged by breaking up the first paragraph of text with an image.

    Check out this post on different ways to break up text,

    8 Incredibly Simple Ways to Get More People to Read Your Content | Copyblogger

    SEOMoz come up with 12 things that will kill your blog posts. Check out number 8,

    12 Things That Will Kill Your Blog Post Every Time | SEOmoz

    Best,

    Shawn
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    Outsource to the experts...

    We customize your Blog, eBook, Press Release and Sale Copy content with your message.

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  • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
    Know what you want to say to get your point across...

    ...and what you need to communicate to emotionally connect with the reader.

    That's it.

    Forget about length.

    Everyone is too preoccupied by size.

    Most women will tell you:

    Longer is not always better.

    But it doesn't always hurt either.

    Mark

    P.S. I assume you know I'm talking about sentences, right?
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  • Profile picture of the author ThomasOMalley
    A short first sentence is definitely better.

    You want your readers to slide down your copy like a greased chute.

    A short first sentence definitely helps with this important goal...see Joseph Sugarman's Adweek Copywriting Handbook or Advertising Secrets of the Written Word about this essential point.
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  • ...and the award for the longest headline and subheadline in the history of advertising...goes to the purveyor of "Social Mastery".

    Bloody hell Chris, I nearly expired, I tried to read it in one breath.

    Now cheer us up - proving you made this long copy work and tell us that the sales are excellent.

    Because there is a massive market for this kind of product.


    Steve



    P.S. It's not the end of the world (providing the sales are good), but there are a few typo's, and bumps that stop the flow which you might want to sort out
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    • Profile picture of the author chrisnos
      Originally Posted by Steve The Copywriter View Post

      ...and the award for the longest headline and subheadline in the history of advertising...goes to the purveyor of "Social Mastery".

      Bloody hell Chris, I nearly expired, I tried to read it in one breath.

      Now cheer us up - proving you made this long copy work and tell us that the sales are excellent.

      Because there is a massive market for this kind of product.


      Steve



      P.S. It's not the end of the world (providing the sales are good), but there are a few typo's, and bumps that stop the flow which you might want to sort out
      Wow... just a few posts and I've already won two awards!

      I know there's typos... and statistically trying to read my headlines in one breath can be dangerous to your health, so I don't recommend it =)

      I fix them as people point them out to me, but if someone wants results I figure they'll look past a few typos (just from my experience when I've needed products in the past).

      I mean, my best advice in the end would be try both, and whatever works for you keep doing that... I guess long or short being better could also be heavily contingent on the market, and how specific the need is that the individual is looking for.
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      • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
        Banned
        Originally Posted by chrisnos View Post

        I make a HUGE first sentence that communicates all of the reader's biggest problems, and tell them that the letter will provide them with the solution.

        If they're actively looking for a solution to a problem they want as much detail as they can get... they don't want, "do you want to lose weight?", they want "are you 30 pounds or more overweight, been trying to lose it for YEARS, and no matter what diet you try, or how much you exercise NOTHING ever changes?"... they want something so specific they feel like the page was written just for them.

        I know that sounds long, but consider this from your own perspective:

        If you were in a situation in DESPERATE emotional need of results, wouldn't you want to learn EVERYTHING you could about the product, immediately know whether or not it was designed for your specific UNIQUE situation, and that it was made specifically for you... so ask yourself, would you want the headline/first sentence to be vague and ambiguous, or tell you that this site/product is tailored EXACTLY to solving your specific needs in every way possible?
        Sorry Chrisnos but you're wrong again mate.

        Allow me to explain why your first sentence needs to be kept as short as possible...

        I personally recommend 6-8 words max.

        Why?

        Because the purpose of the first sentence isn't to inform the reader instantly with as much info as you can sock over their head, if you believe this, you're missing the point. It's purely to get the reader...

        ...to read the 2nd sentence down.

        This should be it's only primary purpose.

        Which is why every top copywriter recommends keeping the first sentence as short as possible.

        Your pre-header and your main headline should have already created massive interest and emotional engagement with your strongest benefit. This is the hook not the 1st sentence.

        The pre-header, the main headline, the 1st sentence and indeed the 2nd sentence all have a function which is to get the reader to read the next line/sentence down.

        Below your first sentence, the deck, this is where ideally you warm up the prospect to bring them completely round to your point of view, providing them with extra convincing evidence why this will be in their best interest.

        And so the reader slides effortlessly from one sentence to the next as their unconscious mind registers all of the benefits of solving the problem...

        ...and at the end upon reading the direct call to action...

        ...takes action and buys into the solution offered.

        Warmest regards,


        Mark Andrews
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  • Profile picture of the author Rezbi
    Originally Posted by chrisnos View Post

    I know that sounds long, but consider this from your own perspective:

    Have you read any of the masters? Or any course at all?

    Anything where you might have actually seen stuff that's been tested over decades.

    Not opinions.
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  • Profile picture of the author Raydal
    This is the way the most popular book in the world begins:

    "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth."

    -Ray Edwards
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  • Profile picture of the author maximus242
    Originally Posted by Thomas Michal View Post

    I'm curious to know what you guys do in reguards to the very first line in your sales copy. Do you take the sugarman approach and make it short, or are you more open about the length?
    I think you should focus less about how long the sentence is, and more on what the sentence is saying. A short sentence that is uninteresting to the prospect, might as well be a long sentence that is uninteresting. Either way, its going to be tossed.
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  • Profile picture of the author burke1024
    It is critical to catch your readers attention, and it doesn't matter how long the sentence is if you do so. <--- perfect example, length irrelevant.
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    • Profile picture of the author chrisnos
      Originally Posted by burke1024 View Post

      It is critical to catch your readers attention, and it doesn't matter how long the sentence is if you do so. <--- perfect example, length irrelevant.
      You said it perfectly. You do whatever works.

      Niches are different, and have different needs; there is no "hard and fast" rule for every situation... just do whatever you need to in order to communicate to your readers that you've got the solution to their specific problem.
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      • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
        Banned
        Originally Posted by burke1024 View Post

        It is critical to catch your readers attention, and it doesn't matter how long the sentence is if you do so. <--- perfect example, length irrelevant.
        Originally Posted by chrisnos View Post

        You said it perfectly. You do whatever works.

        Niches are different, and have different needs; there is no "hard and fast" rule for every situation... just do whatever you need to in order to communicate to your readers that you've got the solution to their specific problem.
        Spoken like a true pair of beginners.

        You see Chrisnos, this is where presently you're falling down on your knowledge.

        Here we have on this forum some of the best copywriters available online yet you not only disregard their advice and decades of experience...

        ...but advocate going completely against the grain what near 99% of them recommend, preferring instead to trust the words of a complete newbie here.

        Hence clearly demonstrating your ignorance on the subject.

        I don't mean to be rude to you, I'm just pointing out the facts. Facts which have been proven by testing over and over and over again. The first sentence whatever you say, needs to be kept as short as possible. Period. Full stop. No argument about it.

        When you write an extraordinarily long main headline and subsequent first sentence you stand the very real danger of trying to present too much information into the mind of your readers from the outset.

        Result? Confusion on the part of the reader.

        It's much better to be concise, precise and to the point - at the outset.

        Your objective at the outset isn't to provide as much information as you possibly can. This doesn't create attraction to the offer.

        Presenting too much information at the outset, at the start sends out the signal - hard work. And if a reader perceives a sales letter is going to be hard work to read in the beginning, with no clearly defined simple benefit at the outset, chances are... they'll click out off your page in an instant.

        Result? Potential sale lost.

        You fought hard to attract this individual to your offer in the first place. Surely, it makes sense to you to do everything within your power to keep them on your page reading every word of your copy for as long as possible?

        Confuse the reader, divulge too much information instantly and you run the very real risk of running them off your page before they've even had a chance to slip down your slippery sales chute.

        At the start, all you want to provide are nudges to move the reader in the right direction... downwards into the body of your sales copy where all of your main benefits are located.

        Warmest regards,


        Mark Andrews
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