Critique my sales page and I'll update conversion rates

Hi John,

Here's some quick ideas for you:

Shorten your headline, make it easy to read at a glance.

Make it clearer what problem getting stronger solves.

Make the subheads stand out more for scanners.

Use better anchor text for your sample, have it open in a lightbox, or move it below the final buy button (you don't really want people leaving your page - even if it's only to another tab).

Use an order form for your main buy button (a dashed box where you sum up the main selling points of your offer).

Have a P.S. at the end that persuades people who've scrolled down to see the price that they should read your pitch.

First, you need to realize that 3.3% for this letter is great. I guess
that your traffic is really targeted and warm because it can be
improved in many ways.

1. The vertical spacing for the headline is too large so the lines
are too far from each other.

2. Give the letter some more padding, like 25 px, it's too close
to the borders.

3. You need to ask for and include more testimonials.

4. No salutation and P.S.? No name?

5. Build on your credibility more--trophies? Newspaper clippings?

The language of the letter can be tightened as well, so you should
be able to do much better starting at such a high point.

-Ray Edwards

3.3% is awesome dude.

Hey johnhowle,

3.3% sounds good man, but sure it might be able to go even higher. But imagine if you had 20 or so page ´s with that conversion!

Lately i've been writing mostly in other languages than English but here's some feedback.
As mentioned before the headline is a bit too long, make sure that I as a reader don’t have to actually stop and read it. It should just be registered by my eyes quick and easy. Also remember to use the headline/variation of the headline, again later in the text to remined the reader about it.

I have to agree with the problem solving issue, it has to be a bit clearer.

Always end with a summary/p.s/reminder/conclusion. Remember that your audience is stupid as h***, they forget what they read after 5 minutes. Persuade them again and again and especially those who have scrolled down to the very end of your page
.
Check you letter in al the major browsers, in chrome (which I’m using), the header looks like it has been shifted to much to the right.

There are some few things that I’ve found lately that works for me when Im designing new LP’s nad that it K.I.S.S. Keep it simple S*****.

The most simple things usually works best, especially when you advertise to common, regular, simple people.

I think it's solid; nice job. It speaks credibility. The biggest thing I see in the writing is it's missing the feel of excitement, the emotional appeal. Consider how you can incorporate more personal stories, or stories of students you've coached.

Yes, definitely work on getting some more testimonials - that should bump the conversion rate.

As you're probably aware, your biggest area of opportunity is your headline. Keep testing...

Also... your header is crooked, slightly aligned too far left. Beyond that, there is definitely room for improvement visually. Consider high quality images to break up some of the text, as well as images for the bonus interviews. People like seeing faces. Overall, it's a good foundation - just needs some more love...

Thank you everyone for the additional comments. I think the banner issue was a matter of my cache not being cleared in Chrome after I changed some padding.

I have implemented most of the suggestions everyone has made. I definitely like the headline more - that was a big help. I still want to add more "case studies" and personal stories/testimonials as feedback rolls in.

I'll keep the thread updated every few weeks to let you know how conversion rate improves. I don't get a ton of traffic, but I'll do my best.