Could you help with a critique for my copy? It is the App Store description of Square Planet, my company's latest iPhone game.
Some context first :
Earlier this year, the forum gave me amazing feedback on our app Ski Champion. We are now about to launch our 2nd game, Square Planet for iPhone and iPad, and once again, I could really use some help with my copy.
Square Planet is a platforming game where you control a Ball that is stuck on a Square World. You are sent on a mission to rescue your Round friends who were made prisoners by the Evil Squares. It is a free to download app set for release mid-October. There is more info & pics on the facebook page in my signature (I cannot post links as I am below the 15 message threshold)
Below is the copy I came up with.
note : I am not a native English speaker, but I'd be happy to help with French copy and give thanks to contributors
Roll & jump across the Square Planet to rescue your friends from the Evil Squares !
Play a fearless Round Ball on an action-packed journey in a Square World. Edge your way around challenging hazards to complete colorful levels. Collect shiny Rings, get amazing power-ups and discover marvelous hidden areas.
Can YOU become the Savior of the Ball People ? Find out now ... for FREE !
As seen in the press :
gamezebo.com : "The pseudo-cubism of Square Planet is very catching -- like Minecraft without the pixels"
gamesector.net : "Majaka is promising a "whole different ball game" that will up the ante"
A WHOLE NEW BALL GAME
* Tilt to roll, tap to jump
* Invert gravity, open secret paths, avoid square lasers
* Perform double jumps, hack into alarms
YOU HAVE MATTERS TO SQUARE
* Round up all 6 prisoners in every level
* Have the edge on the nasty Squares
ADVENTURE WITH AN EDGE
* From bats to trees to dog poo, everything is square and edgy on the Square Planet
* Roll your way through 16 colorful levels, jam-packed with funny details
* Grab sneak peeks of the Squares in their daily lives
It's time to get the ball rolling, download Square Planet now !