11 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}
11 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}

Whack me in the face!

by Cormac L
8 replies
And then critique my promo page

topsalescopy.com

It's different from most copywriters pages

in that I made it more like a WSO.

What do you guys think?

Hit me hard.

Thanks in advance.
#face #whack
  • Profile picture of the author JamesColin
    Banned
    Nice, a bit strange to have it on the left while the other part is on the right, but I'd advise you to put a real picture, of yourself or someone else. To give it a bit of human touch.
    That's it, otherwise I didn't read the copy, but I think you must have worked on it, so I give you only a first impression feedback, a picture/video of a human being is needed. :-)
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7105893].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Mark Andrews
    Banned
    What does this sentence mean?...

    "To tier your potential customers attention, I provide you with the most baited and catchy hooks imaginable."

    Then there's this sentence which doesn't make any sense either...

    "I am so confident that I can deliver results for your business, I offer a results driven guarantee with my all my work."

    Overall the main headline is next to useless, the copy is piss poor and doesn't make you stand out as unique in any way, shape or form plus to boot... you've used the word 'that' all over the place where it's not needed.

    On a scale of 1-10? 1.

    Back to the drawing board and start again.


    Mark Andrews
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7105968].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
    Hey Cormac,

    Let's make the link live:

    TopSalesCopy

    And on with a few quick thoughts:

    The design's poor: your pitch is too cramped, your visual hierarchy is weak and there's too much space in-between your columns.

    "To tier your potential customers attention" are you sure tier is the right word? And now I'm reading it more closely I can see you're missing an apostrophe in there.

    You're not making the benefits of working with you crystal clear.

    It's almost completely generic, everything in it applies to just about every copywriter here.

    I'd include a contact form, address and phone/Skype details.
    Signature

    Andrew Gould

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7105983].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author bonniecolvin
    Your load time is a bit long, you might want to consider optimizing. The whole page looks a little bit messy, it would look better if you did separate linked pages like an About Me, Services, Reviews/Testimonial, Contact Me, ect. Agree with JamesColin, the site might benefit from a little human touch.
    Signature
    $99 US Based Web Design | Full Featured Wordpress Websites | 10 Spots Left!
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7106342].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
    What makes your writing style and marketing approach unique?

    There's nothing separating you from the rest of the pack.

    In fact...

    Your copy lacks any sense of emotion and connection, which are essential trademarks to make it as a compelling sales writer.

    Also...

    You say "at top copy" a lot.

    Quit it.

    YOU ARE top copy.

    Don't act bigger than you are.

    Just be you.

    Mark
    Signature

    Do you want a 9 figure copywriter and biz owner to Write With You? I'll work with you, on zoom, to help write your copy or client copy... while you learn from one of the few copywriters to legit hit 9 figures in gross sales! Discover More

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7106382].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author KingOfContentMarketing
    Ding the hotmail address. Srsly.
    Signature
    Marketing is not a battle of products. It is a battle of perceptions.
    - Jack Trout
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7106510].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author arfasaira
      Your testimonials are well...bland, vague and lack credibility.

      Nothing to verify anything - where are the URL's of the revamped copy?

      You could have made them up (I'm not saying you did, what I'm saying is that we have no PROOF)

      And another problem is that they lack specifics - have you got numbers to back up your claims? If not, I suggest you ASK for specific numbers from clients.

      It doesn't matter how awesome someone thinks you are, what matters are the figures. Give me conversion rates, percentages of revenue increase or actual figures.

      If you can't do that, how many leads were you able to measurably deliver to your clients? How many of them were you able to convert using a sales funnel etc etc...

      Hope that helps.
      Signature
      "Sales Letter Conversion Rate At 19%??" Get Your Own Kick-Ass Converting Copy Here!
      Need More Clients? Click here...
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7106641].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Cormac L
    Okay thanks guys!

    Back to the drawing boards then,

    need to sharpen this up a bit (ALLOT).
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7106644].message }}

Trending Topics