How can I improve my sales page?

by peteJ
13 replies
I just released my first product, and build the sales page from scratch.

Honestly, I personally feel like it's kinda bad, and primarily I feel like it does't grab the readers attention right away.

Aside from that, what else can I do to improve my sales page? I'm getting people to stay on the site for a few minutes, but the conversions are low, so there is something wrong here.

Any help is appreciated, like I said this is my first time so there are bound to be improvements.

site is: The Thrift Store Treasures
#improve #page #sales
  • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
    Show me the money Pete!

    Show what you bought, how much and what price you sold it for.

    Doing this creates desire and reduces anxiety about it not working.

    Lots of other little factors you've got wrong there
    which I won't go into as others will probably point out.

    What I've pointed out is the BIGGIE to work on.

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  • Aww man..

    Where to begin?

    1.) Your fonts need changing. They're random, and make me think "Who is this guy? DId he just find photoshop and go crazy?" Make it simple and easy to read.

    2.) Were you playing Skyrim at the start of those vids? (Saw the red, blue and green bars - don't think we don't know! ) But yeah, about the vid: Seems rushed, unprofessional and you speak wayyy too fast man. Chill out; slow down.

    Also, if you ask sound nervous. Aren't you meant to be getting your PROSPECTS excited about your product? You should be happy, relaxed and telling your customers what they're going to get, and how awesome their lives are going to be once they buy your product.

    One more thing. I don't feel the sell. There's no 'push' to get me to buy anything from you. In fact, I scroll down your sales page, and think "Great. yeah, maybe later." I don't feel any pressure to buy from you, and combine that with the fact that your fonts make it seem hastily put together and your video's slightly shabby...well, yeah. It's a mess.

    So, advice time.

    1.) Re-do the video. Write a script if you have to. Make it natural, relaxed and fun. Don't BORE your prospect; they'll just leave. Keep it fun and interesting. Get them excited about what you're selling.

    2.) Stick to 2-3 fonts at the MOST. Preferably one. No one likes sales pages where they have to play "Guess The Font".

    3.) Either hire someone to write a sales page for you or follow this advice.

    WIIFM? Tell the prospect what you're giving them, and allll the benefits they're going to get.

    Put some pressure on. Tell them you're putting this up for the next week, but then youre taking it down. Tell them youve got like 5 copies left or something. Tell them you're purposefully limiting the copies so not everyone has the advantage. Just pressure them SOMEHOW.

    Also, sell your bonus more. More often than not, bonuses are the deciding factor on a purchase. People want to feel they got a massive bang for their buck. Don't make them feel cheated.

    Start with all this, and see what happens.

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  • Profile picture of the author debzo
    Honestly I think you should pay someone to do it for you, it doesn't give me a lot of confidence in your product, there are even spelling mistakes. Your squeeze page is so important I think it would be a good investment.

    And I agree with Ewenmack about showing some of your stuff in your video. You've go to the trouble of making a video and I turned it off after a couple of minutes because it was just showing your book.

    Good luck
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  • Profile picture of the author james4461
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    • Profile picture of the author pradeepkolanu
      How many times you will tell thanks?
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  • Profile picture of the author james4461
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  • Profile picture of the author Jeremey
    Originally Posted by peteJ View Post

    I just released my first product, and build the sales page from scratch.

    Honestly, I personally feel like it's kinda bad, and primarily I feel like it does't grab the readers attention right away.

    Aside from that, what else can I do to improve my sales page? I'm getting people to stay on the site for a few minutes, but the conversions are low, so there is something wrong here.

    Any help is appreciated, like I said this is my first time so there are bound to be improvements.

    site is: The Thrift Store Treasures
    Hi Pete,

    I think your problem is that everyone DOES know that people can make money buying and selling things from thrift stores, etc. There's some highly rated TV series showing the lives of people doing exactly that, and it looks like interesting and profitable work, but it looks hard, and it looks like you really have to know a lot about the value of some pretty obscure things.

    Your first 3 paragraphs are basically saying what everyone already knows. Yes, we know thrift stores sell junk. Some of it is valuable, and there are people out there that make money reselling this stuff. You repeat this, really offering no benefit to your reader, several times before you get to your offer.

    Your bullet point offer really does nothing to offer specifics. "Decide what to buy?" How? You mean something like, "I'll teach you how to uncover the hidden profit amidst the piles of junk and show you exactly what separates the trash from the treasure!" Or, "Find out how I made $400 profit from this $3 piece of silverware!"

    Now those are sloppy examples, but you need to create an excitement for the reader and show them how YOU can give them specific information that is going to make them money.

    Be specific about the benefit to your customer. "Start living the life you want today." That's pretty broad, and honestly I doubt that flipping thrift store junk is going to get me a condo in Barbados. Think about the REAL benefit to your customer. Maybe it's something as simple as "make an extra $400 a month!" or "Make extra money for Christmas!" or something along those lines.

    Your checkpoints, "Start today, anyone can do it, less than $20" can apply to basically any IM pitch. What are the real benefits to "starting today?" "Anyone can do it?" You mean something like "You don't have to be an antiques expert to make money!" Or something along those lines.

    Ask yourself if you can answer those questions really --- And I mean, answer the questions, then ask them again, then ask them again, until you get so specific that your prospect knows EXACTLY how your book is going to change their life for the better. If you can't, you probably need to invest in hiring someone to write it for you. Think about stumbling along, trying to get things right, and losing sales every time a potential customer clicks away from your ineffective sales page...Or spending a few bucks and having someone write you something that can immediately begin converting for you and putting money in your PayPal account.

    I didn't watch the video, so I can't offer any suggestions for that. Nothing in your sales copy was intriguing enough to make me think I should hit "play" to learn more. That's the obstacle you have to overcome. Hope that helps!
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    • Profile picture of the author Tim Bazley

      The most important part to any sales page is the headline, which needs to be big, bold and state the biggest benefit to your product.

      The one you have doesn't really do any of these things. Personally I'd go with something like...

      "Discover How To Make $1000 A Week...From Your Local Thrift Store!"

      It's in your face, gives the reader a big benefit (obviously change the amount of money to a sum you regularly achieve) and it will make the reader curious too.

      You can have that one as a freebie if you like!


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  • Profile picture of the author Jerome Y
    I think your headline needs to be good only to draw in the reader, that's all it does. People say that headlines are the most important thing in your sales copy, but I think it's only 2nd most important.

    Have a great offer, when you focus on your offer and give the reader so much value that it would be ridiculous not to buy your product. Make your offer absolutely irresistable.
    Make Money By Sharing Cool Apps with Friends! No Selling involved, PM me for details!
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  • Profile picture of the author mhdeaton
    I don't even see a headline, if you don't have a headline then you haven't studied copywriting, and you don't have a sales letter ????
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  • Profile picture of the author web4business
    Good on you for including a video on the website - that is always a great idea, unless it's a bad video. You have some decent copy, but what really bothered me about the website was the use of so many different font types and colours. It was overwhelming. I would tone it down a little. Also the lines which show around all your graphics are very distracting. If you can make it cleaner, it will flow better. Perhaps include a few more pictures to make it visually more appealing. Good luck with it
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  • Profile picture of the author masterpaintingnow
    I find all the centered text off putting. Why center it all?

    I have always been turned off by the bright yellow highlights, so I never use them, but who knows, perhaps it works on majority of readers. I have honestly never split tested for just that one factor.

    Here is one of the concerns that always pops in my head for these types of sales copies. (Don't care if you want to call it sales copy for the plural.)

    Why is the person trying to sell me the very way he supposidly makes LOTS Of cash with? Why would he want me on his turf?

    I think this is a concern you should answer in the sales copy.

    It could be as easy as you want to retire and make your money selling the secrets instead of working the shops.

    Why the but? You were just listing bullet points, then just BAM, BUT I'm not done yet. Very jaring.

    This template is going to:

    1. Make your look professinal
    Do you mean yours or you?

    Now my concern I mentioned before is even greater because you talk about selling on auctions. Why would you want to teach people how to take your business away? If they all do what you do, and sell on the same auctions, how will you keep making money?

    I guess there is always craigslist, which is local.
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  • Profile picture of the author FuNwiThChRiS
    That looks like an illegitimate website that would steal your credit card information and go on a shopping spree.

    That being said, hire a designer, re-work the copy with actual photos, sales receipts, etc, and focus on the low barrier to entry, instant benefits, and personal satisfaction of the experience.

    Work hard, live a happy life, cherish your family and friends. Be thankful for every day.

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  • Profile picture of the author eugenedm
    I am looking at your page right now and you definitely have to change your graphics. It doesn't look to professional. Try to find some colors that match and make your font very consistent usually the same font throughout the whole page. Also, align your text to the left and I would make the background white.Concerning your sales letter text, you have to test it with the Google analytics conversion tool. Try that.

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  • Profile picture of the author FunkyKing
    1) nicer design
    2) better typography
    3) proper branding

    These top 3 things are key to getting a decent conversion.
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