Over 1500 hops and NO sales - what's wrong with this salesletter?

Well done for the effort...

...but I don't think your deck is going to resonate with many people Sagar.

Your focus is on the problem, not the solution you can provide. The copy is pretty boring, it doesn't capture immediate instant attention. And later on it's just as boring too.

Someone reading this will equate your copy, your product with the very problem you're trying to describe and to stay away from which is sending out the wrong signal.

What your main headline needs to focus in on like a laser, is your single biggest benefit - nothing else. The main headline is your ad for the ad - your solution to the problem felt by your target market.

The screenshots are unbelievable, these can easily be faked. They're next to useless. They're not aiding your credibility - they're actually screaming fake.

Even a 1/3rd of the way down, I'm still unclear what it is you're offering. Anyone getting this far will be turned off emotionally and no doubt will click out pretty quickly.

I think you need to do a lot more to justify this $47 price point and you need to focus on specific benefits, pay attention to your written English, and your connectors too.

Don't go for the hard sell - people don't like to be sold to but do love to buy so just focus on the benefits of the product.

Quick 5 minute review only of those elements which instantly jumped off the page at me.

I hope these few pointers help.

Smoking hot,


Mark Andrews

I would say you have barely 2 to 3 paragraphs that barely explain what the product is about.

Also, maybe internet marketers are not looking for a time management product?

Just my humble thoughts

+1 for everything Mark said.

Your pitch goes straight from your story to the close with barely a mention of what you're actually selling.

People won't buy if they don't know what they're buying.

there's quite a bit to work on there but for a start

you could beef up that headline with some credibility and curiosity like

maybe "the exact techniques used by the top 3% of internet marketers to...

and get more specific too.

try writing out a ton of bullets about the the benefits of your product before you start to move your mindset more towards what you are going to be helping people achieve.

Seriously Sagar. I read the whole page, but still didn't know, what type of product you're offering here... O.o In my opinion, you must mention your product "Loud and clear" during the first few paragraphs, or your visitors will be gone for good!

You practically have what is called blind copy...we don't know what you are selling.

You need to introduce your product and the specific benefits of it.

Write powerful bullets about these benefits.

You must be very specific about the problems your prospects are having and very specific that you have the solution.

Best,

Thomas O'Malley

It's all of the above and more, Sagar.

1. At first glance, the product is too broad, too generic for this market at this point in time.

2. The banner definitely isn't doing anything for you.

3. While it's obvious the copywriter understands the market, the copy (starting with your headline) is weak and unfocused.

4. The offer is not irresistible.

Unfortunately, there are no quick fixes here.

Remember Sagar, in this market especially, you have less than 10 seconds to make your point. Gotta make every click count.

Good luck,

- Rick Duris

Thanks everyone!

Whoa, looks like I wrote one shitty salesletter there, lol.

Two key issues I got from everyone are:
a. No clarity about what I am selling (and as an extension, no benefits or solutions provided for my target audience)

b. Questionable earnings proof

Regarding this, I know that any earnings claim can be faked, but should that stop me from showing legitimate proof? Or maybe what I wanna know is how would it appear more legitimate to someone's who's reading the sales page?

Thanks a lot for the input so far! : )

Regards,
Sagar

Another vote for the fact that the letter falls flat because
it lacks specificity. The language is too general and the
product is not revealed.

Also I wouldn't use the same size fonts for the subhead
as the headline. A headline should always have visual
dominance.

Here is a suggestion for the outline of the letter.

1. Make a promise to the reader [your strongest benefit/ problem solving].

2. Give a reason why you can make that promise.

3. State why the problem has not been solved before.

4. Tell me why I should listen to you --your story and expertise etc.

5. Tell me how you solved the problem and how I can too.

6. Introduce your product and list its features and benefits. (Bullet points)

7. Show testimonials here of satisfied customers with strongest first.

8. Show other proof elements.

9. Introduce and justify the price.

10. Include incentives (bonuses)

11. State your guarantee.

12. Call to action - Buy now!

13. Tell me what would happen if I DON'T buy.

14. Summarize the offer followed by another Call to Action.

For the P.S. Give me a surprise bonus, reason why I should act now and a reminder
of the pain you'll save me.

Now, one final note is that I've been in this business a long time
and I can tell you that if you are selling a time management
product you are in for an uphill climb.

Best,

Ray Edwards

What are you selling?