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Please check this letter

by Chris Dolan
10 replies
The sales have slowly dried up. Traffic is nothing major, 100-150 uniques a day. But I get spikes when posting offers in sites like sitepoint.

Start your own Free Site - Easy Cash Method Viral Membership Script

I think the whole letter needs to be changed. Any critiques are very welcome.

The letter was with the site when I bought it.

Thanks
#check #letter
  • Profile picture of the author MaskedMarketer
    The headline is hype, unless you can back it up. Where is the proof of the money that is being made?? People care about results, so show them.
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    • Profile picture of the author CopyMonster
      I took a very brief look and it just seemed too generic looking - nicer than your standard PLR offering but generic all the same. Perhaps I'm fatigued with looking at so many IM sites. The headline doesn't pull me in at all. Needs to scream - THIS IS DIFFERENT! And I don't get that from the look or what's written there.
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      Scary good...
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      • Profile picture of the author erinwrites
        I don't mean to sound harsh, but the letter feels kind of like a patchwork quilt of other sales letters. I can see what you are trying to do, but you need to take a little bit more time with your message and smooth out your transitions a little. Also, be careful when using phrases like "Hell No it doesn't" When in doubt, keep the tone friendly and professional.
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        • Profile picture of the author Chris Dolan
          Thanks for the feedback. It is possible that the salesletter was a patchwork. The reality is it came with the site, and script.

          I have worked on the script itself, which frankly used to be worth $.02 or less. It is now much better, and you really can put together membership sites that work well in little time at all.

          And I have since developed a much more impressive script which is about 1000 miles away from this in terms of features. But nevertheless this is still a useful little tool.

          I think a relaunch and repositioning is needed. Which is why I posted the Please check this letter thread, well to see what people thought.

          Personally from how it makes me feel it just doesnt show me why I should buy the script. It seems to repeat quite a bit.

          Chris
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          • Profile picture of the author zapseo
            okay EasyCash --

            In order to give you a decent evaluation, it helps to know the history of what you are doing. And what the heck you are trying to do.

            You have a script that used to be worse and now is better and is still a useful little script?

            But you've built another script that is 1000 times better?

            What are you trying to do, exactly?
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            • Profile picture of the author Bruce NewMedia
              Easycash, do you actually own any sites that bring in $2324 pER DAY? Has anyone who used this script produced any revenue even close to that? The testimonials all sound like people who just installed the script- period. Has anybody made any money with this?

              If so those would be the comments that you need to exploit on the page. ...and just a comment on the Pic of the people in the header and on the product package. I see this same generic stock photo on TONS of websites and ads.

              You might consider in the re-do, replacing that whole design/graphic with something that isn't on so many other sites. Something that would make it look more unique. It's too 'cookie-cutter'

              JUst noticed you say nothing about yourself, who you are, why you developed the software etc. Most sales copy will also benefit from telling a good story about it.

              Just some first impressions, - good luck.

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              Bruce
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            • Profile picture of the author Chris Dolan
              Thanks zapseo, for your brutally honest comments, what I am trying to do is not get on your wrong side.

              No seriously

              Here is the history. I bought the site a year ago. It sold an inferior script (also available from a couple of other sellers called VMS). I wanted to improve the script, so hired a programer and started working on that, once I got the script in a reasonable shape, I simply added the new feature bullets, and added some additional content.

              The new script I developed is very different, it is another project.

              The claims on the site were those provided by the previous owner, and I imagine for a fleeting moment they may have been true.

              I want to move away from the approach he used and focus on the features and benefits, and the usability of the script.

              I will start to work on new copy and see how that looks over the next day or so.

              Thanks
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              • Profile picture of the author hanleo46
                Hello there

                I clicked away as soon as I seen the header, and title......another one!!

                Sorry...but.....
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              • Profile picture of the author zapseo
                Originally Posted by easycashmethod View Post

                Thanks zapseo, for your brutally honest comments, what I am trying to do is not get on your wrong side.
                Too funny.
                "brutally honest comments"?
                I thought I provided a preamble followed by subsequent questions, LOL.
                Don't worry -- it's hard to truly get on my wrong side.
                Someone wired me with this weird belief that "people are doing the best they can with the resources they have." Not to mention some other weird beliefs that various holy folks (through their writings) have tried to embed (okay, I'm a tough case, what can I say?)

                No seriously

                Here is the history. I bought the site a year ago. It sold an inferior script (also available from a couple of other sellers called VMS). I wanted to improve the script, so hired a programer and started working on that, once I got the script in a reasonable shape, I simply added the new feature bullets, and added some additional content.

                The new script I developed is very different, it is another project.

                The claims on the site were those provided by the previous owner, and I imagine for a fleeting moment they may have been true.

                I want to move away from the approach he used and focus on the features and benefits, and the usability of the script.

                I will start to work on new copy and see how that looks over the next day or so.

                Thanks
                Well, this may or may not be helpful to you.
                I had the rare privilege of watching Harlan Kilstein model John Carlton's copywrting process. One of the things I took away from that was -- one of the things Carlton does before he sits down to write is to get into an enthusiastic (yes, emotional!) state -- about the product.

                Right now, you, personally, don't seem very enthusiastic about the product. If you don't have enthusiasm for the product, as painful as it may seem, I'd suggest dropping it. It will cause you more pain and heartache than it's worth, in the long wrong. Do something that truly gets your pulse racing. (Or, at least make us feel that it gets your pulse racing, LOL.). Ain't gonna do that part for ya -- that's tough work. I feel like I earn my money as a copywriter by finding the nuggets that make products shine. It's fun. It's satisfying. And hard work.

                But it's hard to generate enthusiasm on this side for a product that appears to be moribund. Dang, whose got the paddles ?
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