Which Headline Do You Think Is Best..

12 replies
Product being advertised: Diet Pills
Target: Women - (Overweight, Wanting to lose weight)
Medium: A5 leaflet

1) Are You Fed Up With Yo-Yo Dieting?

2) Discover The Real Secret Of Fast Weight Loss

3) New! Diet Pill That Works Like MAGIC!

4) Drop A Dress Size While Eating The Foods You Love

5) Imagine Losing 20 Pounds In 14 days!

Your feedback is appreciated...
  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    They all look pretty standard and worn. #4 is missing the word size, I think. #5 should be days, not day.

    If I had to choose one of them it would probably be #5, though none are really very exciting. You can do better. Good luck.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7314765].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author sabluuk
    Why not provoke a little:

    "This is the answer to why you are not able to loose weight"

    This is just off the bat, but you catch my drift right?
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7314882].message }}
  • The good news is your using a magnificent medium.

    A5 Flyers.

    They'll usually pull a better response if you make them A5 glossy postcards.

    The bad news is you're in the diet game.

    And it'll be a 7th miracle under the 7th sun to create a headline that hasn't already been flogged to death.

    But...you could try speaking directly to the prospect's frustrations, fears or desires.

    Or make a sensationally irresistible offer.

    Offer a weeks worth of free pills...

    Offer a gigantic guarantee - if you don't lose X lbs in X weeks we'll refund your money and pay you xxx...

    Another way is to get a local celebrity raving on about the fabulous weight loss they achieved.

    Or a renowned doctor or nutritionist proclaiming the unique and wonderful benefits of the pills.

    Or if all else fails use the "medium" to get the readership.

    And you could use a grabber - put a fake pill on the postcard.

    Here's a few off the wall ideas...

    "Try Eating This Postcard!"

    "This Postcard Used To Be 27 Inches Thick - Now Look How Trim It Is!"

    "This Postcard Fitted Perfectly Through Your Letter Box - Soon You'll Be Fitting Perfectly Into A Size X"

    With Flyers the possibilities are endless.

    And it doesn't cost an arm and a leg to test them.

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7316904].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Don Schenk
    Questions about your market... What do women want? Do they want to "lose" weight?
    do they want to "look" more attractive? Do they want to "feel better" about their looks?

    You need to know the answers to those before you can write what your target wants.

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7316956].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
    None of them give the reason to lose weight.

    On the surface, to most marketers, losing weight in a certain number of days,
    keeping it off and getting into skinnier clothes are benefits.

    What's missing in them is an emotional tipping point that nudges the person into action.

    It could be her catching him looking at other women.

    Or it could be you sowing a seed of doubt that he just may
    have wondering eyes.

    It could be renting a list of recently divorced women.

    Now they are free, they are known to be big spenders on themselves
    at this point in life.

    Events in their lives trigger buying decisions in many cases.

    You need a lot more thinking into what goes on in these women's lives
    to get the right headline


    Originally Posted by Simmeon View Post

    Product being advertised: Diet Pills
    Target: Women - (Overweight, Wanting to lose weight)
    Medium: A5 leaflet

    1) Are You Fed Up With Yo-Yo Dieting?

    2) Discover The Real Secret Of Fast Weight Loss

    3) New! Diet Pill That Works Like MAGIC!

    4) Drop A Dress Size While Eating The Foods You Love

    5) Imagine Losing 20 Pounds In 14 days!

    Your feedback is appreciated...
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7317545].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author angiecolee
    Study and apply everything Steve and Ewen said. They are 1000% correct.

    Aspiring copywriters: if you need 1:1 advice from an experienced copy chief, head over to my Phone a Friend page.

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7317555].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author betsyanne
    You could also say (if it's true) that your solution is a SAFE solution. Many women worry that a pill or diet plan is not good for them, so losing the weight would be dangerous or bad for them.
    Elizabeth Sheppard
    My SEO for Beginners Page
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7317581].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author shawnlebrun
    Just saw a few headlines in some magazines... played around
    with some of them...

    "Weight Loss Pill that's So Powerful... It's Definitely NOT for Everyone"

    Tired of Being Overweight? This Weight Loss Pill Allowed me to Throw Away
    All My "Fat" Clothes"

    "New 'Super Pill' Produces Significant Weight Loss"
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7317649].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Simmeon
    Thanks for the valuable advise everyone.

    For a Sub-heading:
    1) When you look in the mirror, do you see the body you want to be seeing?

    2) Do you want to feel sexier in the bedroom?

    How do those sound..
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7319509].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author WinstonTian
    "Why Are They Still Slim With All That Junk Food?!"

    Echo out their voice from your research...

    Focus on the grabber - then yank the reader in, since you're
    using a A5 leaflet. Steve recommended some pretty nifty
    techniques for a grabber.

    Personally, the diet niche is competitive from a marketer's POV,
    but it all depends on the prospect's sophistication level really.

    I'd split-test running a new mechanism VS not mentioning the
    solution until towards the end when you want to close.

    A reason for being slim is a good way to reel the prospect
    further in. Like one of the formulas - Problem > Agitate > Solve

    Demonstration always works - flaunt your proof elements.

    Try not to make it look like an ad. Make the flyer too valuable
    to throw away.

    Lots of great advice above, nothing much to add.

    Winston Tian

    The Beginner's Doctor

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7319695].message }}
  • Yes, an excellent and vital point.

    Don't make your Flyer scream "I'm an Ad - please read me" - because most people won't bother.

    Make it look like a personal message - and your readership leaps up.

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7320376].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
    1) Who are you marketing too?

    2) What do they want?

    Those are the first two questions you need to ask yourself. If the answer is women...what age are they? What are they most embarrassed about because of their weight? I've created a few headlines for some clients in this niche that are getting good results, notice the difference between the ones that work for men and women and for what age:

    These headlines were used in an ad targeting older and middle aged women and listed from most effective to least:

    Has Becoming a Mommy Made You Fat?
    Wear the Bathing Suit you Wore in High School?
    Fat? Depressed?

    These were used in an ad targeting younger women:

    Trim Down for Your Summer Crush
    Would You Look Hotter Thin?
    Stop Eating These 5 Foods Now

    Notice ^ that most of these aren't talking about losing weight. They're talking about the customer's present experience OR the experience they want to have. Bottom line, you're NOT selling weight loss solutions. You're selling an experience that contrasts with their present one.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7320491].message }}

Trending Topics