Lead Gen Copywriting?

by ShaunQ
9 replies
Hi Copywriters!

I am a little reluctant to share my link in the open forum but if you are able to help I will happily PM it to you.

I have a website which captures leads from people looking for a loan. I was wondering if someone could have a look at my site to see if hiring a copywriter could benefit my website. The site is not selling anything per se, rather encouraging people to leave their personal details.

I am using PPC (Google Adwords) so the traffic is highly targetted. If anyone has any tips for writing compelling ad copy that would also be great, as my ads are performing about average.

Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Thankyou.
#copywriting #gen #lead
  • Profile picture of the author Raydal
    The whole purpose of asking for reviews/critiques is so that
    the community may benefit. So if you're not willing to share
    the link then it's best to pay someone to do this or make
    a request here:

    Wanted - Members Looking To Hire You

    -Ray Edwards
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    The most powerful and concentrated copywriting training online today bar none! Autoresponder Writing Email SECRETS
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  • Profile picture of the author ShaunQ
    That is a fair point. The reason I didn't want to share was because it is a live site with a live database.

    It would be great if the community could benefit too, so I have set up a subdomain and uploaded the site onto that so I am happy to share.

    logbook.sqwebdesign.com

    The pages I am interested in are the landing page, and the second page once you click through the "get cash now" button. Any comments on this would be great, particularly on the benefits a copywriter could provide this site.

    Thanks everyone.
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Shaun you've got a good starting point.

      Now it's ready to optimize through split testing.

      The tool I'd recommend to carry out your split tests is Optimizely.

      The knowledge base on what to split test is Marketing Experiments.

      I'd put a live chat on there to have their questions answered live.

      I'd look to have a exit pop up to ask why they didn't take an action.

      If the live sales people close more sales,
      then the biggest call to action test would be to get the phone call during those live operator hours.

      That change of focus made a huge difference for a loan modification company website,
      as like 10x.

      Those are the big actions to take which may make the biggest difference.

      Best,
      Ewen
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      • Profile picture of the author Jeremey
        Mark & Ewen both make great points (especially about the girl, she is distracting and not in a "hey, babe!" way, more like a "please don't bite me" way).

        The one thing I noticed right away is that there's nothing in the copy that addresses your prospect's NEED for a title loan (that's what we call them here). People researching this sort of product are typically in a pretty tight squeeze, and do not want to put up the title of their vehicle and risk losing perhaps their only asset because they miss a payment by 3 days. There's nothing in the copy of the page that outweighs the dire fear and apprehension a qualified prospect may be feeling about putting their car in hock versus how the instant money will benefit them.

        The site is very professional, which is a great start and won't put off prospects with a "sleazy" looking business site. But yes, the "Get cash now" makes it look like as soon as they put in the info, they are going to be expected to hand over the logbook for their vehicle. And Ewen is right, a live chat option would skyrocket your conversions, going far to answer questions they may have about how expensive the costs are, etc.

        And have a "Are you sure you want to leave this page?" pop up.
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  • Profile picture of the author Pusateri
    The first problem I see is the girl. She is in exactly the wrong place.

    The human eye is drawn to faces. Your visitor looks at her face, maybe reads the balloon (it's a bit far from her face), then drops down I into those three columns.

    There they are confronted with a lot of words they have been given no incentive to read. Yawn-------->Back Button.

    It you are going to place a human face on a squeeze page, it needs to be immediately to the left of the opt-in, looking at it, if possible.

    Also, "get cash now" may not be the optimal wording for the button. Sounds like a commitment.
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  • Profile picture of the author ShaunQ
    Thanks for the tips. They are greatly appreciated. Based on the feedback so far:

    1) I had my concerns about the "get cash now" button for that exact reason, that it might make the prospect feel they were signing down for something, rather than getting a quote. I will get this changed.

    2) I will have a think about what to do with the girl. I initially thought the speech mark was a nice touch, but if the girl is putting people off then it might have to go. Are there any example landing pages with an effective human face I can look to for inspiration?

    3) I will try and get a pop up. Would the primary goal of that be to get the person to stay, or to find out why they are leaving?

    4) The live chat would be useful to reassure the potential customers. The company who want the leads are responsible for the phone line (its a redirect number) and they do not have live chat workers, so it would be something I would have to man myself. Would you still recommend this?

    5) I also agree about the copy. I wrote it myself (I am not a copy writer) and it was based primarily on my competition, with slight improvements. There is no call to action, and it does read a little boring.

    I might look into getting some copywriting done for this page. What would a good rate be for this sort of job, and is there anyone you can recommend (I can also place a warrior for hire advert).

    For this situation, where there are flaws in the layout and the graphics, is it usual for a copywriter to also design/recommend changes that could be made, ie, about the scary looking lady!

    Thanks everyone.
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Primary goal is to find out why they didn't find what they were after.

      Can you have them man the live chat?

      Your current call to action is the quote.

      More important than hiring a copywriter is to learn split testing so you get the numbers.
      Best resource for leaning split testing is Marketing Experiments.

      Improvement of your conversions is an ongoing task,
      therefore hiring a copywriter for a one time piece is short term thinking.

      The best webmasters have continual a/b split tests running.

      Best,
      Ewen

      Originally Posted by ShaunQ View Post


      3) I will try and get a pop up. Would the primary goal of that be to get the person to stay, or to find out why they are leaving?

      4) The live chat would be useful to reassure the potential customers. The company who want the leads are responsible for the phone line (its a redirect number) and they do not have live chat workers, so it would be something I would have to man myself. Would you still recommend this?

      5) I also agree about the copy. I wrote it myself (I am not a copy writer) and it was based primarily on my competition, with slight improvements. There is no call to action, and it does read a little boring.

      I might look into getting some copywriting done for this page. What would a good rate be for this sort of job, and is there anyone you can recommend (I can also place a warrior for hire advert).

      For this situation, where there are flaws in the layout and the graphics, is it usual for a copywriter to also design/recommend changes that could be made, ie, about the scary looking lady!

      Thanks everyone.
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  • Profile picture of the author ShaunQ
    Hi everyone, thanks for the previous help in this thread.

    I will be doing some split testing as suggested, but I am set on getting a redesign, so I need to settle on a design which will be the best starting place and from there I can experiment on different areas.

    I know this section is more for writing sales copy but I was hoping some of you could give your opinions on which of my two proposed layouts is recommended. (Excuse my average Photoshop abilities!)

    Layout A - View image: A
    Layout B - View image: B

    I think my first design (in post 1) was too simplistic and too dark, so I have created these to brighten it up. In my opinion they are a big step forward on the original. These are just preliminary versions and will be neatened up (and the dollars in the image changed to pounds).

    Do you think the designs would be improved by having a photo of a happy person in it next to the car?

    Thanks so much for the help.
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Hi Shaun,

      What is it are you split testing?

      You don't seem to be following a split testing model where you ask questions...

      Like...

      Are my readers left brain or right brain?
      Left brainers respond more to the sign up box on the left
      and the right brainers on the right side of the page.

      Do the readers want more information or less before they
      fill in the quote form?

      Do they want more trust in you before they
      put their information in?

      See, these are all questions about the decision making process of the reader.

      And those are a starting point to ask yourself.

      There needs to be equal amount of fear and risk removal
      as there is showing advantage.

      From what I see so far is you don't have a solid foundation in your split testing,
      it seems random and not thinking through the readers experience.

      And they say thinking is the hardest work.

      Best,
      Ewen


      Originally Posted by ShaunQ View Post

      Hi everyone, thanks for the previous help in this thread.

      I will be doing some split testing as suggested, but I am set on getting a redesign, so I need to settle on a design which will be the best starting place and from there I can experiment on different areas.

      I know this section is more for writing sales copy but I was hoping some of you could give your opinions on which of my two proposed layouts is recommended. (Excuse my average Photoshop abilities!)

      Layout A - View image: A
      Layout B - View image: B

      I think my first design (in post 1) was too simplistic and too dark, so I have created these to brighten it up. In my opinion they are a big step forward on the original. These are just preliminary versions and will be neatened up (and the dollars in the image changed to pounds).

      Do you think the designs would be improved by having a photo of a happy person in it next to the car?

      Thanks so much for the help.
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