Critique my landing page- HELP!!!

I'm new to this area of the Forum so you can take what I say with a grain of salt...

The standout thing for me was I was a little confused when I landed on the page. I didn't get a clear feeling for what it was all about.

The headlines seemed really vague.

All the best

Gareth

How are prospects sent to the page... directly or after a presell/trust building process?

Alex

First of all...

Without really knowing what I was watching (or why,) I enjoyed your voiceover for the "philosophy" video.

Unfortunately...

Your branding is all over the place.

The first question I asked myself as I read your sales letter was:

"What does Muscle Prodigy have to do with shattering my limiting beliefs and becoming financially free?"

I get it.

You're trying to equate becoming physically fit (or ripped) with being a high achiever.

You're also trying to communicate that getting there is a mindset (e.g. "We become what we think.")

For this reader...

You failed to make the correlation between my fitness (or health) and what's possible for me to manifest in my life.

You need to connect the dots.

Why is my desire to make more money, have better relationships and feeling like I create my reality interconnected with my body (fitness, health, etc.?)

A few things:

I was confused by, "We are all surrounded by some sort of anxiety, fear, uncertainty or even just stress."

Surrounded by?

Aren't these things we feel, internally?

If you're tying to talk about specific circumstances we let hold us back, describe them.

Until then...

This reader thinks you're sending out confusion messages.

Because the feelings you articulated are a part of my psychology, judgments, stories and beliefs.

...

So I get a bunch of stories, right?

Is this like Chicken Soup for the Soul?

If so, it's been done; and been done well.

...

Why is it called Muscle Prodigy TV, but I'm being offered an eBook?

...

If you want to appeal to people looking for ways to become a high achiever, you've got to stop lifting up your damn shirt and wear a suit in your pics.

...

Your "reasons" to trust you don't resonate.

They make me think you're trying to project a facade.

...

The way you're presenting everything your eBook covers (i.e. Networking Skills, Live Stress Free, Cook Like a Champ, etc.) are formatted horrible. Too busy.

From my perspective...

You need to much more clearly communicate why breaking through my fitness will help my achieve my dreams.

You need to articulate what my mindset is and why it has anything to do with creating my own circumstances.

You need to clarify your brand and weave it throughout the copy more effectively.

I'd also recommend picking the top 3 main things your program can help people achieve.

You're trying to be too many things to too many people.

And you're doing it poorly.

I will say...

Your passion comes through.

I believe you really want to make an impact in my life.

I just don't think you can help me, yet.

Mark

Hi mate nice graphics! what i would say is to cut some of the imformation and focus on the main points! the main benefits! and work on the headline make it more appealing! keep it up though, you're doing a great job!!

Mr Pescetti gave you an excellent copy and marketing critique.

When I looked at the page it kind of exploded at me. Everything to everyone. I was trying to grasp the real message. Fitness or Self improvement.

The copy is too jammed up, it's tough to read.

I also felt you were throwing truckloads of stuff at me.

Endless names and secrets I'll have to learn.

It seemed I was destined for 7 lifetimes of hard work.

If you could space everything out - try and make it more concise - it'll be a lot easier to get into.


Steve

I was trying to devote myself to an ideal...

but got hung up right off the bat.

What's an ideal?

You've even got it on your covers...

I have no ideal.

I do have an IDEA though. It's not worth trying to critique this.

The best IDEA would be to advise you to hire someone who knows what they're doing...someone like a copywriter.

I recommend you devote yourself to that idea.

Like others who have responded, I get a little confused when I first land on the site. There seems to be no clear message to the visitors that let's them know how your site will help them. I would work on improving that message.

I would also recommend reducing the size of those book images in the slider and the one below that. Those things are really in your face.

Other than that, the site looks clean and nice.

I'm with the other posters, you've got a few good things happening here...but they're all cannibalizing each other. You need one offer for one target market for one end result benefit and you need to make a direct connection between the experience the person wants to have and how your offer will help them experience it.

I've got over 15 years experience selling in this niche and one thing I've learned is that if someone comes with a problem, it's usually a symptom of a bigger problem. But...

You should NEVER try to move them past that symptom in the beginning. Too much, too soon. Create a simple offer that will solve their immediate problems, and massage in the deeper messages on upsells and higher priced products on the back end. You'll basically got dozens of offers here, you need one.

FYI, this is the one that intrigues me the most:

"Learn the secrets of the world's most influential people through the most intriguing stories you've NEVER heard of:"

...and the list of people who follow. I'd pay for a product that gave me access to those guy's stories, I'm sure a lot of others would too. Either way, pick one thing and start small, you're trying to do too much too soon.

Jaret hasn't been back and participated in this thread.

Personally...

I find it massively inappropriate for anyone asking for professional advice to NOT express appreciation (whether they agree with or use the feedback you give them.)

If you're going to post here for a FREE critique...

...demonstrate that you value the time people take.

Mark

P.S. This goes double when you've posted here asking for a critique numerous times.

My critique: Hire someone who knows what they're doing.

The only motivation I got from that page was to leave it ASAP

All joking aside, I'll second just about what everyone else has already mentioned.

Way to busy with zero focus.

You can probably create 2 or 3 separate independent offers out of all of that stuff garbled together on your site.

Or have them as modules.

Seems like you're trying to impress everyone with everything you know when you should be focusing on one specific message to one specific group.

@Mark Pescetti - hopefully he hasn't come back yet because he's deep in the trenches revising based on all the awesome advice everyone gave. (or he's just mad- lol)

"Devote Yourself to an Ideal"
an "ideal" what? body? job? etc...

"Personal Improvement Will Bring You Success"
Really? how? when? in regard to what?

This page needs major work.