Anyone care to critique my FIRST squeeze page?

1. Favicon
2. Put the headline above the byline
3. What exactly are they getting?

Overall, squeeze page nice Dustin.
But no image or indication if it's an ebook/video/e-course they're subscribing for...

I would do a little work on the headline sections though, they don't "flow" for me.
Also (and please don't take offence) but are you REALLY making that kind of money?
This is more a moralistic point of view but if you're going to be another "fake it to make it" then I wouldn't bother, it's saturated enough with them.

Other thing, don't suggest/infer about people opting in, that's for the WSO area (and if mod seems this thread it will vanish.

Again, I'm not having a go, but please think carefully before proceeding with your endeavour.

Take care,
Paul.

Hey Dustin the page looks great, I think if you add a bit more specific information in the copy it could be more compelling.

Overall, it looks great. In my opinion, it needs a banner that may complement with it. Also, add more information.

1. Headlines should always use capitalization for the first letter of every word and should always have quotation marks around them as it lends more authority to the headline. I also think the headline could be made a little shorter and punchier at the same time.

2. In the subheadline, instead of saying 'Six Figures' I would put the exact amount of money you made. Make sure it is NOT a round number as people to tend to think figures like that are made up.

Here's an example...

------

"I Walked Out of My Dead-End Factory Job
and Made $109,443 in the Next 90 Days..."

------

In fact I would go so far as to make THAT your headline and then put your current headline below that as your sub-headline.

For example...

------

"I Walked Out of My Dead-End Factory Job
and Made $109,443 in the Next 90 Days..."

What I'm about to show you takes hard work and dedication.
If that does not sound like you then please do NOT read on...

------

I'm not a fantastic copywriter but you get the idea...

You might want to dump the fear-based headline and go after people's desire in a more positive tone:

"Discover the Ridiculously Easy-to-Follow Steps the Top 1% Take to Increase Their Wealth by Thousands - Every. Single. Day!

I Walked Out on My Life-Sucking Factory Job After I Made $139,247 in Just 90 Days"

I'll give you a behind-the-scences glimpse into how I duplicated what the financial elite do to make a dependable $1,000-a-day. And guess what? This sneak-peak into the secret world of push-button-profits is absolutely FREE. I'll show you:

---> Exactly how I generate thousands a day.

---> Exactly how YOU can produce massive income - in your sleep.

---> Exactly how to take action RIGHT NOW."

Of course...

Use REAL numbers.

Mark

How I Made $109,443 In About 93 Days - The Exact Blueprint.
(Top of my head.)

I agree, more information. Online or offline?

FTC issue: You say you make over a thousand per day
(I assume using the method you are selling) yet your squeeze page says
thousands every day.

Dan

This was your first mistake. Who cares what we like or don't like? In fact, most of the people on here aren't even qualified to give you a response. You know who is?

Your consumers. They're the ones you want to listen to.

As for what I 'like' and 'dislike' about your page (read: What conversion points I picked up on):

1.) I like your simplicity. It's a squeeze page - you're trying to pique interest, not sell something right off the bat.

2.) Change your bullets. Make them more specific and believable. Far too generic.

3.) A picture of a porsche? Seriously? I didn't watch the video, but that shouts 'look at me!'.

4.) Let them know what's in it for them, not blag about your accomplishments. At least get a healthy mix.

5.) I'm not sure about your headline. I had to read it a few times before I fully got the message. Make it clear, simple, believable and enticing.


That should be enough to get you started.



Ben.

Dustin,

In the "get rich quick" market to stand a chance...

You've got to create so much intrigue and curiosity blended with the big promise that your audience can't help themselves - they have to opt in.

Couple of techniques you can try.

Tell them "what it's not" (so people are desperate to know what it is).

If it's any of the usual stuff, put a unique twist on it.

Tell them a quick, utterly fascinating story how you discovered the "secret"

It also helps to say why you want to share it - creating real empathy.

Not easy in 2 or 3 sentences but if you can do it, it's immensely powerful and your opt ins go sky high.


Steve

Making that much money seems like you could afford a good copywriter.

But since you're going it alone, I'll tell you briefly what's wrong with what you have.

1. Your ego is in the way. You've formed the whole squeeze page to be an "I" thing. Should be a "you" thing.

2. Your headline is a negative. This turns the majority of buyers off from the get go. You can use a negative in certain instances...this isn't one of them.

3. There's some killer headlines you can use, but since you're asking for a critique with what you have...

I'd make the sub headline the main headline, and scrap the main headline.

"How You Can Quit Your Dead-End Job And Make 6 Figures In The Next 90 Days"

I don't like the headline, but I'm using what you have.

Also, exclamation marks are a mental stopper.

4. Your bullet points are useless. Start them with an action verb. Example.

You'll quickly discover how to:

Earn thousands daily

Generate sales while you sleep

Bullets are more effective when you follow them up with more excitement.

Example:

Earn thousands daily. Even if you've failed at every attempt you've ever tried at online marketing blah blah blah.

I didn't take the time to change a lot of the wording...or offer you better headlines, bullets, etc. Hopefully you will start to understand the benefits of hiring a copywriter.

Someone suggested only your market can tell you whether your piece will work or not. However, most copywriters have spent many hours studying the profession...which includes tons of studies as a result of billions of dollars that have been spent on testing. Some truths have been found to be universal. A professional can give you a good head start.

A good copywriter can make you very wealthy. There are some good ones on this forum, I'd suggest you check some out.

I wish you success in your list building efforts.

...also it's not just people who are earning a low wage, and because of this and other reasons may want to quit their job.

You've also got a huge audience who fear they might get laid off or lose their job.

They need and want a "contingency" plan.

And that's what you can offer them.


Steve

Looks good, but kind of blends in with all the other squeeze pages that viewers see on a daily basis.