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Can you help me improve this ad copy...

by Stewart Alexander
22 replies
Hi guys,

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. It's going in an online magazine in the business section for a particular niche.

What's your first impression? Would you click on the link if you needed a website?

Thanks guys.

Stewart

P.s. Forgot to mention... Maximum 160 characters including spaces.

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"Claim your 5 page business website. No web design fees.
Onetime set up fee £50, £17 per month thereafter.
www.MyWebsiteAddressHere.com"

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"Beautiful looking, 5 page business websites.
No web design fees. Onetime set up fee £50, £17 per month thereafter.
www.MyWebsiteAddressHere.com"

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"Clean, modern looking, 5 page business websites.
No web design fees. Onetime set up fee £50, £17 per month thereafter.
www.MyWebsiteAddressHere.com"

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"Professional 5 page business websites. Captures new Leads.
No web design fees. Onetime set up fee £50, £17 per month thereafter.
www.MyWebsiteAddressHere.com"
#copy #improve
  • Profile picture of the author Steve The Copywriter
    It would greatly help to mention how good the design is.

    Which you've just done on some of the examples.


    Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author Stewart Alexander
      Originally Posted by Steve The Copywriter View Post

      It would greatly help to mention how good the design is.


      Steve
      Thanks Steve,

      Which one of these resonates the most with you? Gonna test a bunch of them, but would appreciate any input.
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      • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
        You're making a fatal mistake.

        The sole goal of your text ad is to GET PEOPLE TO CLICK. Period. End of story.

        Do not try to sell them on the offer until you've had a chance to put your best foot forward.

        - Rick Duris

        PS: Don't feel bad. This isn't obvious until you've blown a lot of money on traffic.
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        • Profile picture of the author Stewart Alexander
          Originally Posted by RickDuris View Post

          You're making a fatal mistake.

          The sole goal of your text ad is to GET PEOPLE TO CLICK. Period. End of story.

          Do not try to sell them on the offer until you've had a chance to put your best foot forward.

          - Rick Duris

          PS: Don't feel bad. This isn't obvious until you've blown a lot of money on traffic.
          Good point Rick. In naming the prices, I'm wanting to pre-qualify who's stepping through the funnel, but I see your point. It might be too early. Great feedback and much appreciated. are these a step in the right direction?

          Thanks

          ======

          "Beautiful looking, 5 page business websites.
          Visit: www.MyWebsiteAddressHere.com"

          ======

          "Clean, modern looking, 5 page business websites.
          Got to: www.MyWebsiteAddressHere.com"

          ======

          "Professional 5 page business websites. Captures new Leads.
          See more at: www.MyWebsiteAddressHere.com"
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          • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
            Your efforts should not be focused on gathering opinions. Your efforts should be focused on what's working now.

            Do your research. You're not the only one making an offer like this.

            - Rick Duris
            Signature
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            • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
              Hi Stewart, who is the readership for the online magazine?

              Best,
              Ewen
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              • Profile picture of the author Stewart Alexander
                Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

                Hi Stewart, who is the readership for the online magazine?

                Best,
                Ewen
                Hi Ewan,

                It's a e-mag in the building niche.
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                • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
                  Originally Posted by Stewart Alexander View Post

                  Hi Ewan,

                  It's a e-mag in the building niche.
                  Have you any success stories in this niche
                  or in a similar niche?
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                  • Profile picture of the author Stewart Alexander
                    Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

                    Have you any success stories in this niche
                    or in a similar niche?
                    Yes I do :-) Quit teasing!
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                    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
                      Originally Posted by Stewart Alexander View Post

                      Yes I do :-) Quit teasing!
                      Do you tell your Doc he is a tease when diagnosing?

                      So please tell client success stories so we can
                      bring out the best bits for bait.

                      Best,
                      Ewen
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                      • Profile picture of the author Stewart Alexander
                        Ewan, no disrespect meant at all...

                        Did some surfing around on the forum to check you out (as you do), and would like to book a Skype session with you if possible. Sent you a PayPal payment. Can you please send your questionnaire to my PayPal email address when you get a moment.

                        Thank you.
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                        • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
                          Good choice Stewart.

                          I'll be next in my office on Friday, NZ time, for our Skype call.

                          At the moment just limited operation from iPhone.

                          Speak then.

                          Best,
                          Ewen

                          Originally Posted by Stewart Alexander View Post

                          Ewan, no disrespect meant at all...

                          Did some surfing around on the forum to check you out (as you do), and would like to book a Skype session with you if possible. Sent you a PayPal payment. Can you please send your questionnaire to my PayPal email address when you get a moment.

                          Thank you.
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                          • Profile picture of the author Stewart Alexander
                            Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

                            Good choice Stewart.

                            I'll be next in my office on Friday, NZ time, for our Skype call.

                            At the moment just limited operation from iPhone.

                            Speak then.

                            Best,
                            Ewen
                            Looking forward to it.
                            Is that Auckland time Ewen? I'm based in Cairo, Egypt at the moment.

                            Also, does that mean you'll first be able to send the questionnaire coming Friday, or before that?

                            Thanks
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                            • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
                              No need for a questionnaire Stewart.
                              We'll just hop on Skype and I'll interrogate ya!

                              I'll set up a time with you then via email
                              as well as swap Skype contacts.

                              Best,
                              Ewen

                              Originally Posted by Stewart Alexander View Post

                              Looking forward to it.
                              Is that Auckland time Ewen? I'm based in Cairo, Egypt at the moment.

                              Also, does that mean you'll first be able to send the questionnaire coming Friday, or before that?

                              Thanks
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            • Profile picture of the author Stewart Alexander
              Good feedback guys. Thank you for the input, really appreciate it.
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  • Profile picture of the author Steve The Copywriter
    The third one is the best of the 3.

    But after "Captures new leads" - I would add - And gets more sales and profits.


    Steve
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  • Profile picture of the author Steve The Copywriter
    Rick made a valuable point.

    Do your research and find out what people want.

    And give it to them.

    Here's my "limited" research...

    I'm not an inter web expert - but just about everyone tells me - their websites don't bring them good results.

    The copy is the main culprit.

    Which keeps me busy as a copywriter (and then it's over to the SEO and traffic specialists).

    But what can you do as a designer to make websites work so much better bringing them the sales they need?


    Steve
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    http://www.warriorforum.com/warriors...right-now.html
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    • Profile picture of the author Stewart Alexander
      Originally Posted by Steve The Copywriter View Post

      Rick made a valuable point.

      Do your research and find out what people want.

      And give it to them.

      Here's my "limited" research...

      I'm not an inter web expert - but just about everyone tells me - their websites don't bring them good results.

      The copy is the main culprit.

      Which keeps me busy as a copywriter (and then it's over to the SEO and traffic specialists).

      But what can you do as a designer to make websites work so much better bringing them the sales they need?


      Steve
      Excellent points Steve, and one of the main selling points once I'm belly to belly with a prospective client.

      Let me explain...

      The sites I create are quick to build (WP templates), but look great, so my clients are happy with the way how things look and feel.

      However, I also make a point of the fact that I'm also a marketer. They may not be getting a site that wins the design of the year award, but they will get a site that gets them at least three things:

      1. Phone inquiries
      2. Email inquiries
      3. Walk-in customers

      From my experience, those three points seem to be the biggest things clients want from their websites.

      Loving the feedback. Thank you.
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  • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
    Thank you, Jesus!

    A guy who recognizes when he needs help and is willing to throw a little money at getting the right guidance. I'm impressed.

    Good going, Stewart! And good job, Ewen!

    - Rick Duris
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    • Profile picture of the author Stewart Alexander
      Originally Posted by RickDuris View Post

      Thank you, Jesus!

      A guy who recognizes when he needs help and is willing to throw a little money at getting the right guidance. I'm impressed.

      Good going, Stewart! And good job, Ewen!

      - Rick Duris
      There's no substitute for experience Rick. You guys have obviously put in the time, blood, sweat and tears to get to where you are. Knowing "where to tap" just doesn't fall out of the sky, it comes with hard work and a dedication to master your chosen area.

      That should always come at a price, and whosoever is in the position to invest, should do so. I've spent so much money learning from self-proclaimed experts, who as it turned out knew less than myself.

      It took me less than 30 minutes looking around to see that Ewen is the real deal, and at such an affordable introductory price, I'd be stupid not to take a look.

      Thanks Rick
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  • Profile picture of the author calciferol
    yep i am going with 3rd one
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  • Profile picture of the author aqif
    If I were you. I will create the offer exactly like these:

    1) Offer something valuable for FREE.

    Why? Because I would love to have their database (name, e-mail, phone, etc). So that I can build more trust and add more value.

    You can use Aweber (e-mail marketing software) for this method.

    2) I would scare the readers if they don't take action.

    Limit the offer. Clearly state that the offer is valid for the first 17 customers who call by _______ or visit ________ website.

    At the end of the day, your database will help you to run your business in the long term.

    Hope it helps.
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    If you want to learn on how to do Internet marketing the effective ways, go read my blog (Click here). It is free and practical information anyway.

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