35 daily visitors, 0 sale! Could anyone help me review my copy?

No surprises here...

First, based on only 165 visitors during the past 5 days isn't enough traffic to really judge whether or not you're going to get conversions.

This aside, it's not helping that the very first word in your main headline is the word, "Don't..."

Subliminally this word signals to the sub conscious mind not to take action.

It's also not helping you within the main headlines there's a massive spelling error staring your visitors straight in the face. This is how you spell 'conversion' not 'convesrion'.

The exclamation mark at the end of your main headline is also not helping the visitor to read the next line down. All this does is to stop the reader dead in their tracks.

To be perfectly frank with you, to be perfectly honest, your main headline is next to useless anyway. Is this your biggest benefit? No, of course it's not. You can do better. Much better than this.

Next we have your sub main headline...

Start Creating Stunning, High Converting Squeeze Pages The Right Way
With WP Lead Plus Today

Which just feels wrong, it feels yucky, clunky even. At which juncture, I'm guessing, most of your visitors are clicking out off the page. Remember! First impressions count. If you don't grab their interest instantly, if you do not create a good impression instantly, chances are your visitors will click away without thinking about it never to return again.

You've put the effort in to attract these visitors so you want to do everything within your power to hold their attention on the page for as long as possible. The longer you can captivate their interest and hold it you're increasing all the while your chance of them making a purchase from this page.

Your first paragraph also feels very awkward, far too much capitalization for starters. Tip! When you try to highlight everything you highlight nothing at all.

This call to action at the start of your sales copy is going in far too fast. You've not yet fully justified in your potential prospects mind a good reason to stay on your site never mind asking them almost instantly to take your call to action.

Underneath the video you have some text in italics. The way you've worded this is also up the creek without a paddle. And using this font doesn't help as it simply makes the text very hard to read. Also using different colors for the text here just looks amateurish.

Next you have your main call to action, your price point of $47. No way have you justified this price point yet, you've not only introduced it far too early but the call to action itself is as weak as gnats piss.

This is as far as I'm going with this one, there's a lot wrong with this which essentially needs starting over again from scratch. Back to the drawing board for you.

Smoking hot,


Mark Andrews

wow, thanks a lot Mark. I'm starting my revision now.

High price. You gotta prove you're the $#& to get a
price like that on a Wordpress software thingie. More
polish required. Using Vimeo, Youtube etc. on a
sales page looks un-pro.

Besides everything pointed out above, the first thing that jumps out at me is your copy yells features rather than benefits ... WIIFM (What's In It For Me) just doesn't get answered.

Second, the paragraph headers after that leave me shaking my head as you are mixing them up with singular and plural.

*It's ... singular
*Works ... implied singular?
*Integrate ... plural

"Take a look ... (People are just like you) ... huh???

In addition to just sounding "clunky" (to use Mark's critique), there are just too many grammar mistakes. My thought is be thankful you don't have a lot of traffic yet .

This critique of a sales letter might start to give you some ideas of how to better write the letter:

http://www.warriorforum.com/copywrit...ales-page.html

Marvin

You already got advice on the copy, but another important thing you need to test is the price.

Your copy isn't good enough to sell at that price point, BUT your product does look good enough to sell at a lower price point. Start low and continue to raise your prices slowly. Eventually you will find a nice soft spot.

ocaswiz,

You've received some great advice so far.....

When I review my sales letters, I look at each paragraph and ask....

Does this look like it will take too much effort to read? If it does, I simplify.....

For example, the following:

"WP Lead Plus detects whether your visitors are currently logging in Facebook or not. If yes, it will present to the visitor the option to subscribe via Facebook. If the user isn't logging in Facebook, the normal form you created will be displayed. Trust me, no other plugin can do this at this time. Get WP Lead Plus today to gain the unfair advantages over your competitors."

It not only looks like it will take too much effort to read... When you skim it once, it looks like it will be difficult to understand...

You need to keep in mind, your prospect has a "timer" running in her head..... You need to keep her intrigued to "reset" that "timer" over and over... to keep reading your sales letter.

Keeping things simple greatly improves the probability she will stay on the page... and eventually buy.

All The Best,

Rich Beck

I didn't read through the copy with deep concentration because it's inter web tech stuff, which I don’t understand, so I can't offer any great suggestions.

Anyway it looked relatively easy to grasp – a few superfluous sentences – and a touch too many clichéd, badly chosen and wrongly placed words. As Mark mentioned and then Marvin noticed this makes the copy "clunky" spoiling and jarring the flow.

The subheads should be pumped up to keep everyone enthralled.

And there's not enough of a “wow factor” in the features or benefits.

Don't ever expect the reader to turn features into benefits - do it for them.

Some of the graphics are difficult to see and read.

Best part was the “test before you buy” - I would really highlight this.

Add lots more testimonials (btw the existing testimonial says it took 6 minutes to build the page. Better if it said under 4 minutes or explains why it took a massive 120 seconds longer lol. It's not desperately vital. But you should always try and keep everything congruent and consistent).

Using the "scarcity" factor - by saying "Please be quick since I'm not sure I can hold this special price for a long time" - doesn't cut it. It's feels vague and false.

Make it real with a genuine reason why the price may/will increase.


And simplify the headline...




But be careful with this – some might think you’ll take around 4 minutes to explain it.

So, to prevent any ambiguity.

You could just say -



And put the headline in inverted comma's - tests show it increases the readership by up to 30% (to be accurate this applies to press Ads and printed sales pieces - but I don't see why the inter web should be any different).

It can also help to be ultra specific and say in "3 minutes 57 seconds"

It'll emphasise the ease and speed.


Steve

thanks a lot everybody. I was out yesterday so I didn't have much time to revise it. I'm doing it today.

Thanks