Please review my landing page?

14 replies
Hey guys,

I entered a TruthAboutAbs campaign lately. I created an opt-in page which lets visitors download a free copy of an enbedded ebook.

secretbellyfatloss.com/index.html

Could some people please review my landing page and tell me if they find it unappealing... annoying...

Thank you so much
#landing #page #review
  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    I don't find it appealing. The ebook cover looks good. Don't
    say it's a book when it is not a book. Books are printed.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[680829].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author webgraphicsgal
    Originally Posted by Mitch_NR View Post

    Hey guys,

    I entered a TruthAboutAbs campaign lately. I created an opt-in page which lets visitors download a free copy of an enbedded ebook.

    secretbellyfatloss.com/index.html

    Could some people please review my landing page and tell me if they find it unappealing... annoying...

    Thank you so much
    Hi Mitch

    Personally, I think the page needs a bit more "pop" but what's free is always appealing. (and I'm a graphics gal so I'm a little jaded there).

    And I agree with Loren not to call it a book when it is not.

    Perhaps "free tips", "free guide", "free report", might be more appropriate.

    Also... always proofread your copy... this is incorrect...
    17,99$ Value Book

    Should be $17.99 Value (and whatever you want to say about it, but the price is configured incorrectly).

    You may want to specify "U.S." dollar value if this is going to be seen globally.

    Also, by getting the free "book" shall they expect to receive anything else later? You may want to let them know in a positive way that they will... like other fitness tips, etc.

    You say "no strings attached" but they WILL be hearing from you again, right? Isn't that the point?

    Good luck!
    Christine
    Signature
    FREE Internet Marketing Graphic Shortcuts: 1500+ time savers & money makers! Download your DIY graphics today. Custom Work: Graphics, Banner Ads, Websites, Email Mktg., Voice-over, or Marketing Assistant! Follow me: @ctabor or @imwebgraphics
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[680899].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Echnaton69
    Hi there ;-)

    What I liked is that the page is short.

    Maybe you want to consider:

    If this offer is time sensitive and that is important you should say it with the font and the color also (so not small and light brown ... use big red font or something like that :-))

    I know that the "What if" apporach in headlines are a common one but I tend to *answer* the question by myself. "What if" can still be the headline but I would put another line about the benefit of this ebook below.

    Maybe you want the "submit"-button say "download FREE e-book now". But only if the download starts right after I clicked the button. If you send me to a download-page let it say "Get the FREE e-book now".

    I agree also what was already said above (format of the price and book vs. e-book).

    jm2c

    kind regards from Vienna

    Andy.
    Signature

    Nietzsche: God is dead
    God: Nietzsche is dead.
    Django: Dead people don't talk

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[680928].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Mitch_NR
      Thanks alot for your honesty.

      I've been killing my brain trying to figure out why my opt-in rate isn't nearly as good as I want it to be.

      I'm going to work on this later today.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[681168].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author michael_nguyen
    it looks 1995 ish. try and make the have this kind of feel
    Build Muscle Bodybuilding Muscle Building Gain Weight Hardgainer

    obviously not to do with bodybuilding. You need to jump more in my face with strong colours, good ecover.

    Problem:
    Domain is : secretbellyfatloss
    ebook cover does not contain "secretbellyfatloss"
    Bottom of ecover says "Truthaboutabs.com"

    Work on it, you'll get there!

    Good luck
    Signature
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[681285].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author DougHughes
    Hi Mitch, I will tune this page up for you for free. I do this sort of thing all the time and it's no problem. Just send me a PM if you are interested.
    Signature

    I write copy. Learn More.>>

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[681373].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author wrcato
    The headline isn't a headline it's a statement. Your potential customer is not going to care whether or not you are ready to give something away. It's all about them and what's in it for them. Leave you out of it. Create a benefit rich headline that rocks.
    Add some good short copy since this is a squeeze page.
    Don't believe me split test the site.
    Signature

    William Cato
    Sit Down, Have A Cup Of Coffee
    and read my blog http://www.2ultra.com
    follow me on Twitter
    www.twitter.com/wrcato

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[682238].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author webgraphicsgal
      Originally Posted by wrcato View Post

      The headline isn't a headline it's a statement. Your potential customer is not going to care whether or not you are ready to give something away. It's all about them and what's in it for them. Leave you out of it. Create a benefit rich headline that rocks.
      Add some good short copy since this is a squeeze page.
      Don't believe me split test the site.
      I think Mitch got some great advice and he should take Hugh up on his offer and then split test!

      Hi William
      I keep hearing about split testing a site, but "how" do you do it? Do you use different urls? Or is there a way for your hosting to randomly present different landing pages?

      I would LOVE to do this but don't know how.
      Thanks and hope to hear from you.

      Christine
      Signature
      FREE Internet Marketing Graphic Shortcuts: 1500+ time savers & money makers! Download your DIY graphics today. Custom Work: Graphics, Banner Ads, Websites, Email Mktg., Voice-over, or Marketing Assistant! Follow me: @ctabor or @imwebgraphics
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[683857].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author thadley
    The headline is just a statement. This might be OK if you're targeting people who are specifically looking for someone who's giving away a free ebook about belly fat. But, if you're targeting people who are actually looking to lose belly fat, it probably won't appeal to them.

    The last line of you're footer, a benefit, should be the header. That's what most people, I assume, are looking for. The overall site is features driven instead of benefits driven.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[686521].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    Originally Posted by Mitch_NR View Post

    Hey guys,

    I entered a TruthAboutAbs campaign lately. I created an opt-in page which lets visitors download a free copy of an enbedded ebook.

    secretbellyfatloss.com/index.html

    Could some people please review my landing page and tell me if they find it unappealing... annoying...

    Thank you so much
    First up - you need to hyperlink the page - make it easy for people to find it and leave a comment here. Easiest way to do it is to attach the full URL including the http and it hyperlinks like this Secrets to Losing Stomach Fat and Gaining Firm Abs

    Now...as to your page. I've seen worse. At least its nice and clean but PLEASE don't try to bullshit us with that lame "Important: time sensitive offer. Get it while its still available".

    Your headline is a Dead Duck. Nobody cares what you're doing. All they care about is what's in it for them. Cut to the chase. Instead of "I'm GIVING OUT Some of The Best Kept Secrets About Losing Excess Fat While Keeping A Healthy Lifestyle!"

    go for something shorter and punchier. Like -

    "Here You Go - A FREE 68 page Report on Ways to Lose Body Fat."

    And then I wouldn't bullshit them with the qualifier "$17.99 Value Report"
    (You don't need the "U.S." by the way - "dollar" the world over means the US dollar. If it were an Australian site you might say AU$17.99) We're not stupid - we know that's just a value you've put on it. Why not hot link it to a page where the bloody thing is for sale at that price? Give it some credibility.

    And again, we're not stupid - we know you're going to spam our arse - that's why we're going to give you a bogus email address. Much better would be to say -

    "We're offering you this Free 68 page Report for a limited time because we're like some help in our marketing. When you fill in your name and email address you'll be taken to the Download Page where you'll see a short survey as well. It's not obligatory but it would really, really help us out if you completed that short survey. Again - you don't have to - we'll still let you have the $17.99 report for free but you'll be doing us a BIG favor if you fill-in that short survey - it should only take you a minute. Oh yeah - we've another gift for you after you've done that."

    Something like that. Give it some credibility. Everyone knows NOTHING is for free. And they won't mind filling in some (bogus) survey - especially if they think they're gonna get another gift.

    BTW you can't say "For Yours To Keep". It's "Yours to Keep".

    Now if you PM me I'll point you to a Killer Video Landing Page Template that'll improve your conversions by 50% or more..
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[686709].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Angela Kambarian
    Originally Posted by Mitch_NR View Post

    Hey guys,

    I entered a TruthAboutAbs campaign lately. I created an opt-in page which lets visitors download a free copy of an enbedded ebook.
    Mitch,
    it doesn't look bad, but it needs some improvement.
    Here is what I would focus on, if I were you.

    1. I think you should structure the format of the page in such a
    way that would make it easier to read it. There is too much information
    on top, too many words and sentences, and not enough white space.

    2. I would start with "Discover Some of the Best Kept Secrets About
    Losing Excess Fat While Keeping a Healthy Lifestyle"
    BTW, "Discover" is one of the most powerful words in copywriting.
    It sounds better than "I am giving out". Even a small difference
    in wording can have an impact.

    3. Instead of "Some of the Best Secrets" indicate a specific number--
    is it 10 Best Secrets, 7 or 5? The more specific you are, the better. Or you may say, "Discover the Most Powerful Secrets..."

    4. I would put spice up the subscription offer a bit.
    Say, "Sign up for a free e-book now and transform your
    life in a matter of weeks." Something along those lines.

    5. I would also provide some additional information about
    Mike McGeary and why he is a reliable authority and people
    should trust him.

    I hope you will find my advice of value.
    Signature

    Copywriter & Marketing Consultant
    www.kambarian.com

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[687458].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Daniel Scott
    One thing I think you need to work on is the flow of your writing. To me, it comes across as very jagged and difficult to process.

    I forget who said it (probably everyone by now, but possibly originally Joe Sugarman), but copy should be like a greased slide. At the moment it feels choppy and unfocused and certainly not "greasy".

    I think you also need to make the sign-up box more prominent. I've seen those pages that have a "hand-written" scribble font directing people's eyes to the sign up box... that would work well here, I think.

    I think your headline needs more benefits, too. Remember, these are people who primarily don't want to have to do any work to get in shape. How much you want to go down that road depends on you and your program, but as a start, perhaps:

    "Certified Personal Trainer Reveals "Trade Secrets" That You Can Use to Effortlessly Lose Inches Off Your Waist, Get Fit, and Be Sexy In Time For Summer!" (It is summer in the US soon, right?

    Obviously that's not a brilliant headline, and would need a fair bit of tweaking, but hopefully it gives you an idea of what I think you should be aiming for.

    You could also experiment with some bullets of the major selling points of this report, but I find for squeeze pages they have to be short and powerful, or else you lose people pretty quick.

    Just my two cents.

    -Dan
    Signature

    Always looking for badass direct-response copywriters. PM me if we don't know each other and you're looking for work.

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[688077].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author lonestar164
    Mitch,

    You may have heard of Perry Belcher. He's spent several million dollars on Google Adwords. He meticulously kept a record of all the split testing he did, from changing colors to graphic placement to boxing in the opt-in form. The report is called "43 Tests." You can get it through 43splittests [dot] com. This would be worth your while trying to figure out how to leverage your landing page. It was of tremendous value for me for the very thing you're looking for. Good luck!
    Signature

    Cutting edge SEO strategies from one of the top SEO specialists on the Warrior Forum. Click here.

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[688252].message }}

Trending Topics