5 replies
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#landing #page #review
  • Profile picture of the author OutOfThisWord
    Hi Timothy,

    The site is a little busy and the most compelling offer that will meet a current need is your 'get help now' button, yet it's below the fold.

    I think what you want to do is stop people from shopping, and by having them fill out a form and then wonder when they will get a response will allow them to continue shopping.

    So, I would emphasize 'get help now' and follow that by what you help with and follow that by how you've helped others.

    Good luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author TheSalesBooster
    I agree with what Rick said about the flaws in your copy. Yes your copy could use some work, but I'm going to jump in here and tell that the copy isn't your biggest problem.

    It's your marketing approach.

    With all due respect to Rick, this isn't going to cost you a "few grand to get right".

    You could have the perfect persuasive pitch on a website, but if your marketing approach is all wrong it doesn't matter.

    This really isn't a copywriting problem. It's a marketing one.

    I've been doing paid advertising for over 7 years and a lot of that included generating leads for businesses like this one so if you want some help shoot me a PM. This website can be improved drastically in less than an hour and it won't cost you a few grand...
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    • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
      [DELETED]
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      • Profile picture of the author Reid Stevens
        Cool Rick,

        That's some good honest feedback with examples. If that was my clients salespage I would listen to your suggestions. That's some good info.
        Signature
        Great Domain Name For Sale
        www.mhealthinsurance.com

        Make me an offer.
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    I don't think it too bad at all. Just needs cleaning up. Your head is a bit bland - "Get quick service for your appliance today". I would be going for a stronger hook. Like "Ring us now and we'll repair your appliance today! Yes - today. Not tomorrow or next week. Ring us today and we'll be out today - no ifs, no buts" (That can be very powerful - people don't like to wait. We all hate having service people not turn up...or turn up late...or indeed never turn up) Think of the Dominos PizzaHut campaign "30 minutes or it's free".

    The "Save $10" doesn't excite me. I just think that's $10 that's added on to the price anyway.

    "Why should you choose" is hokey and negative.

    "Seen it all" has negative connotations - that needs to be re-phrased.

    The para "You'll experience excellent customer service..." is clumsy. The two percentages are competing with each other.

    I would be putting in a whole bunch of brand names of appliances that you have had experience repairing - under different categories. So "Washing Machines - Westinghouse, GE, Miele..."..."Dryers - blah blah"..."Dishwashers -

    But the strongest thing you could have going for you on that page is a "What people are saying about us"...but have it like blog comments - fresh and dated. With replies to the customers' comments. With details about what the serviceman did and what it cost. Like "This was a difficult job. The main board of this dryer had blown. It was a Chinese model that is hard to find parts for. But we were able to source the main board out-of-state and we had it Fedexed over so Mrs Tate's wet load of football jerseys was back drying the same day. Even with the Fedex charge it was a lot cheaper than buying a new dryer and she should get a few more years out of this model".

    As it stands this is more like a Yellow Pages ad. You have a great opportunity here to have interaction between client and customer - thats what its all about these days. You could also hook it into a Facebook page. And get the servicemen to share the "funny thing happened to me today" stuff. Like when they pulled the fridge out there was a mouse nest behind it. Or the call they got from a little old lady who's dryer wouldn't work - because it wasn't plugged in.
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  • Profile picture of the author etelligent
    1) Headline - does it grab your attention? yeh, could be a tad simpler in wording
    2) Layout - is it effective? yes but a little busy and old looking, makes me think its an old unused 1990s website
    3) Content - is it effective? Yeh but who reads everything anyway, so need to make sure all sub headings tell the tale
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