What do I need to know about sales copy to promote a business intensive in Hawaii?

21 replies
Hi Copy Warriors,

What do I need to know about sales copy to promote a business intensive in Hawaii?

What works? What doesn't?

I'd preffer to get feedback from people who've actually done something like this.


Background:

I've rented out a beach front villa in Kauai where I plan on doing a 5 day intensive with 9 months of follow-up.


The list is my current clients, who are small business owners with a gross between 500K to 10 million a year.

Many have 5 or fewer employees.

Because I do their books, I know a lot about their business.

I know they are leaving money on the table due to not properly monetizing their business.

I also know they have operation issues, as well as tax issues.

Capacity will be 3 people.

I'm thinking of charging 10K/person, which included 5 day intensive in Hawaiin, lodging, and food, pre-intensive teleconference, and 9 months of coaching.

We'll cover USP, healthy revenue model, RFM, operational issues, and tax issues.

The promise is: do the work, and within 18 months you'll recoup your intensive fee, travel expenses, and lost opporuntiy cost
#business #copy #hawaii #intensive #promote #sales
  • Profile picture of the author Jeremey
    Hey Adam, I just did a sales letter for a 7 day mastermind in Thailand at $10k per head. If you have any questions about what worked for us feel free to shoot me a PM.
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  • Profile picture of the author DavidG
    I haven't done anything in that sense, but am working on a 2.5k per head letter (which is also going to be tested against powerpoint VSL)

    What we're planning to do is a simple content packed video series and CTA will be an application with all of their contact info if they want to "know more"

    Afterwards my client is going to get on the phone and close it from there.

    One thing to highlight Adam is the references. You have to have the best of the best backing you up in your niche.

    My client has the leading dog in the 'consulting world' backing him up. Not that you're going to automatically get clients because of it, but it does make it easier.
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    • Profile picture of the author copyassassin
      Originally Posted by DavidG View Post

      One thing to highlight Adam is the references. You have to have the best of the best backing you up in your niche.

      My client has the leading dog in the 'consulting world' backing him up. Not that you're going to automatically get clients because of it, but it does make it easier.
      not really sure what you mean here.

      can you explain.
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  • Profile picture of the author DavidG
    Not really sure what you want me to explain...

    Selling high-ticket items needs quality proof. And being recommended by some big dog in your niche is the best kind of proof you can have.

    Not that you NEED it, but it does help.

    In terms of WHY this works, it all has to do with trust. Peeps already trust the big dog, so if they say you're the man for tax stuff, then you get instant credibility.

    Jay Abraham would get his 50k a head for his seminars by getting recommended by other respected people in the field. He would then get their buyers list and have his tele marketers call and get the sale.

    I think he called being recommended the #1 secret for his success.

    Again, this is just a great, easy way to do this.

    Still, I think your promise might be a little vague. I'm probably being ignorant here (since I don't know what the heck is RFM or operational issues) but as a small tip, try and make your seminar about one thing, one problem they all know they have.

    For example, your tax service. I bet a bunch of businesses go to you for tax issues. And rely on you to save a ton of money. So make the seminar all about tax issues and how their business could have many holes because of it.

    Then get people who have real known businesses that you've helped save money and show your prospects what you have done and what you're going to show them at this event.

    Hope that helps.
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    • Profile picture of the author copyassassin
      got it.

      here's my deal... this that these are my current tax clients.

      these are people found on warrior forum or some dan kennedy site.

      in other words, these people don't have "guru" names they like, know, trust.

      however, the "guru" effect is still powerful.

      i just don't know who that would be for this group of people.
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  • Profile picture of the author DavidG
    Good point, I'm not sure neither.

    Maybe somebody else who knows more about your niche can chime in.

    I personally think though that if anything - make it about a "business strategic" kind of thing. Because the way I see it, people pay people to do their taxes for them.

    Do something similar to what perry is doing. But instead when it comes to it, part of the seminar is to cover holes - and you could include the tax stuff in there. The other days on business USP stuff and strategies.

    This could probably give you better leverage.
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    • Profile picture of the author marciayudkin
      Aloha Copy Assassin,

      A guarantee that they will make back what they spent on your program within a specific period of time would be very powerful.

      In addition, be sure you remind them that all of their expenses for the event will be tax-deductible.

      Marcia Yudkin
      (Currently in Maui)
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      • Profile picture of the author filmmaker
        hi,

        i think you charge too little if they know you with guarantee

        did you test already $10k versus other prices

        try 2 guarantees
        1. attend 5 days and if not worth it you will get refund

        2. performance guarantee

        show me that you applied 5 out of 10 things in next 12 months and if you don't see X % of gross profits get full refund plus $500 for trying

        make sure you have good stuff they can see right away

        if you didn't test prices and backend contact me and

        I'll increase your bootcamp gross profits by 10% Guaranteed or You Pay Nothing
        Using Your Numbers - No Theory - in 27 minutes or less...

        (you see what i did - risk reversal, specific profit and time - just make sure you can deliver

        I'm starting this consult next week at $2500 for 10% increase for skype strategy session using spreadsheet so they can see right away what will happen if they listen to me

        you should have something they can see before arriving
        do step 1 and you will see x

        P.S. Hope you are videotaping this so you can create product - edit out sensitive info and sell or give away to next group

        mike
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        • Profile picture of the author copyassassin
          Originally Posted by filmmaker View Post


          P.S. Hope you are videotaping this so you can create product - edit out sensitive info and sell or give away to next group

          mike
          Mike,

          I love your feedback.

          I was thinking of video and audio.

          Here's my issue:

          Privacy.

          This isn't going to a theoretical intensive.

          We're going to talk about their specific problems, clients, vendors, and operations, and etc.

          In other words, I highly doubt they'd want this "out there".

          However, I do get your point and understand what most info-markter break even on the seminar and make the money selling the dvd, tapes, manuals.

          So, here's my question to you?

          How can I do both?

          In other words, how can I sell the theory, and exclude the specific stuff regarding the clients?

          Do I tape certain parts, and others are private?

          Curious to see how you'd resolve this issue.

          Adam
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      • Profile picture of the author copyassassin
        Originally Posted by marciayudkin View Post

        Aloha Copy Assassin,

        A guarantee that they will make back what they spent on your program within a specific period of time would be very powerful.

        In addition, be sure you remind them that all of their expenses for the event will be tax-deductible.

        Marcia Yudkin
        (Currently in Maui)
        Marcia,

        thx for the feedback,

        I'm always shocked (and I really do mean this, not just a copywriting buzz word) how much effort people will go through to save money on taxes.

        Honestly, it cracks me up.

        So, yes, I will make sure to include the " tax-deductible" in the copy.

        As well as the performance component.

        adam

        p.s. Do you have a condo or house in Maui?

        I love Maui, too. It's so weird, and unless you've been to all the islands, you'd never know each island has its own energy and vibe.
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        • Profile picture of the author Jeremey
          Your costs will go up exponentially when you include a video crew and production for the event, but it's something you could recoup on the backend, assuming there was enough meat in the video that your clients wouldn't mind sharing with the public.

          The project I worked on had a major video component and it did present a problem in the copy and the offer...The way we finally worked around that was we used the video as a major pre-qualifier for prospects. Dealt with it up front, essentially if you're not comfortable on camera, you probably won't be the right fit for this event.

          Don't know if that approach would work for you though. You're selling to your clients. I would write no more than a 2 page letter about your offer, full of juicy bullet points and you'll need a killer close emphasizing the scarcity (only 3 people can attend?!)...

          Good luck.
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          • Profile picture of the author marciayudkin
            Your costs will go up exponentially when you include a video crew and production for the event, but it's something you could recoup on the backend, assuming there was enough meat in the video that your clients wouldn't mind sharing with the public.
            I would never attend a small seminar that was being videotaped. It removes the benefit of there being a small group, because I wouldn't feel free to share personal information. Even if I were assured that the video would be edited. It really puts a kink in the trust and comfort factors.

            And when I give seminars, I know that some attendees really appreciate the fact that nothing is recorded.

            Marcia Yudkin
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            • Profile picture of the author copyassassin
              Originally Posted by marciayudkin View Post

              I would never attend a small seminar that was being videotaped. It removes the benefit of there being a small group, because I wouldn't feel free to share personal information. Even if I were assured that the video would be edited. It really puts a kink in the trust and comfort factors.

              And when I give seminars, I know that some attendees really appreciate the fact that nothing is recorded.

              Marcia Yudkin
              I agree with you Marcia.

              Trust and privacy is the currency we deal in.
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              • Profile picture of the author filmmaker
                1. you should videotaped for clients as BONUS or FREE Gift entire event so they or their teams can have reference later.

                just say you will get UNEDITED version - so it's just copy paste burn to USB drive

                2. for your future - start with short segment even 15 minutes before custom work
                "This is problem every business owner faces......."

                5 days you will have solid content for about 1-2 hours

                3. use above as bonus to sign to my list - People paid 10k to attend sign for 7 part video series about how to fix your sucky business

                end video testimonial from participant and sign here for next bootcamp only 5 seats available

                4. tell business owners only intro with your talking head will be available to public - no 1 on 1 work

                5. VIDEOTAPING INTRO
                if you decide to do it - intro- you need 1 camera - medium shot talking head of you
                powerpoint slides later - edit - deploy
                one guy/girl with fluid head tripod and keep it steady
                shoot only you for clean video
                don't go to screen - problems

                6. VIDEOTAPING for clients - internal use only

                when i had production company i used to do this for high end clients with up to 4 cameras with CEOs and their stuff

                one table in front of window
                camera behind window facing table
                radio shack mic - piezo - $150 placed on table
                set to wide angle
                walk away

                7. i don't know your model but why 3 not 5 people

                15 min general intro
                during day group work
                evening VIP 1 on 1 - implement this for x result when you go back
                5 people - 5 nights = $50k

                email me

                mikeinhollywood at gmail dot com

                i want to show you something
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  • You raise an interesting question. Do seminar leaders have to get releases from participants if they use their "hot seats" (and other participation) in videos and other promotional vehicles?
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    • Profile picture of the author copyassassin
      Originally Posted by Joe Ditzel View Post

      You raise an interesting question. Do seminar leaders have to get releases from participants if they use their "hot seats" (and other participation) in videos and other promotional vehicles?
      oh yes they do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      or at the very least, they should.

      p.s. Joe, if you assisting some promoters on this, make sure this sign the release when they pick up their name tag.

      p.p.s. Joe, to make a step better, when the client buys the thingy, make sure part of the TOS is a release. Most never read that stuff anything.
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  • Profile picture of the author TheSalesBooster
    10k per head and only 3 people does not seem worth it. That's only 30k and your paying for their stay, and 9 months worth of coaching after that? Did I read that right?

    After all of your expenses how much do you expect to profit from this? Doesn't sound like a good idea to me. Especially the part where you work for someone for 9 months for only 10k...
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    • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
      Originally Posted by TheSalesBooster View Post

      10k per head and only 3 people does not seem worth it. That's only 30k and your paying for their stay, and 9 months worth of coaching after that? Did I read that right?

      After all of your expenses how much do you expect to profit from this? Doesn't sound like a good idea to me. Especially the part where you work for someone for 9 months for only 10k...
      For the sake of discussion, let's say his expenses are $10K. And let's also say he has one group call per month for 9 months.

      So let's see. He gets an all-expenses paid trip and vacation to Hawaii. And he gets 20K for 9 phone calls.

      Sounds good to me, and I would guess just about every other copywriter who frequents this forum would say the same thing.

      What's that you say, I don't know the 9 months of coaching is one group call per month? You're right... I don't.

      And you don't know it isn't. You passed judgment without all the facts.

      Alex
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      • Profile picture of the author TheSalesBooster
        Originally Posted by Alex Cohen View Post

        For the sake of discussion, let's say his expenses are $10K. And let's also say he has one group call per month for 9 months.

        So let's see. He gets an all-expenses paid trip and vacation to Hawaii. And he gets 20K for 9 phone calls.

        Sounds good to me, and I would guess just about every other copywriter who frequents this forum would say the same thing.

        What's that you say, I don't know the 9 months of coaching is one group call per month? You're right... I don't.

        And you don't know it isn't. You passed judgment without all the facts.

        Alex

        You are right. I guess some people get into this business to use their talents to babysit other people's businesses for peanuts.

        I think he could get more than what hes asking to make it worth it.

        Guess it all depends how valuable you think your time and experience is.

        By the way, would you like to make 20k? All you gotta do is watch my kids for 9 months
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        • Profile picture of the author copyassassin
          Originally Posted by TheSalesBooster View Post


          I think he could get more than what hes asking to make it worth it.

          Guess it all depends how valuable you think your time and experience is.
          my list isn't big, plus, I want people to get their money back.

          this isn't some bullshit seminar to collect money and talk theory.

          this intensive needs ROI for each member.

          also, my time in the month of august isn't that valuable. very little demand.
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    • Profile picture of the author copyassassin
      Originally Posted by TheSalesBooster View Post

      10k per head and only 3 people does not seem worth it. That's only 30k and your paying for their stay, and 9 months worth of coaching after that? Did I read that right?

      After all of your expenses how much do you expect to profit from this? Doesn't sound like a good idea to me. Especially the part where you work for someone for 9 months for only 10k...
      TheSalesBooster,

      Funny you mention that issue.

      I was thinking about this during my drive to the office.

      I figure expenses to actually be around $15,000.

      So, yes, I'd net around 15k.

      In other words, in pure dollars per hour, I won't be making that much, when you consider the follow-up, which will be individual, not group.

      Is this worth ALL the effort?

      You can might a strong argument of "No".

      However, here's why I like the idea:

      10K will become a constant price anchor to my clients; this gives me a reason to call my clients in the "off season"; I have no case studies to validate my claims (this ought to do it); this is a test run for future seminars; after the "tax season" I only work about 10 works a week anyway (another 5 hours a month won't hurt me); this will start to reposition myself as a business consultant rather than just a "tax guy"; and lastly, as Alex mentioned, I'll be going to Hawaii for free and staying and extra 3 weeks.

      Adam
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