What's wrong with me? (this is a serious request for feedback)

If it works for you and you are not harming others, stay with it.

A lot of creativity arises from being effed-up.

Ask me how I know.

Based on what you wrote, my guess is you have a habit of using negative energy. That's how you've learned to write/function, so that's what you turn to.

We tend to stick to our habits, even if they come with negative side effects. You say it has worked for you so far, so you had no reason to change it until now.

If you're truly tired of using negativity, if you're tired of obsessing and burning your energy on things that don't matter, then the first step is to decide you want to stop.

I don't mean just saying you want to or lamenting it. Truly want to stop.

It will be uncomfortable and challenging (as you said) because you'll be going against what you know.

Start with small steps. Limit your warrior forum/response time to half of what it currently is. Be firm.

If meditation and stillness doesn't work for you, then work with the energy. Instead of running to drama, try working out. Punch the air, lift some weights. Work it out in a physical way.

Or try abstaining from any forum/drama for a full day. Monitor your thoughts and actions. Discover the underlying reasons. Work from there.

At least try. Every small step you make will bring you closer to the answer you're looking for.

There's nothing wrong with you, I bet if we heard the real behind the curtains on all writers, you'd look like a boyscout...

I'm not sure what you have but regarding the obsessive part - here's something I've tried...

Whenever I get a project I usually think of what would happen if I FINISHED the project. What I gain whether thats money, respect, a control, or happiness. Think about the pyramid.

Then think about what would happen if you didn't finish the project. What you lose.

If the positive part about the project doesn't get me going... the negative usually gets me to stop procrastinating.

To a 'creative' person, when a project lands on your desk you feel like putting it off. Like you could be doing something different or better...

So you do menial tasks to justify why you shouldn't get started.

I'll do easy administrative stuff, clean my desk, wash dishes and when that's all done, I'll browse reddit and read a few promos...

Before I know it - 5-6 hours have past by and I feel like crap. I start doubting myself and go through a bit of mid life crisis...

So instead of going through all of this, I'll think about those two concepts I described above...

I'm not sure if you have a procrastinating issue, but it seems like it and if not - then I hope this perspective helps in some way.


David

I don't think anything is wrong with you, unless the anger is causing you harm. If it's working, don't question it. It's fine. Sometimes I do my best work when I'm totally angry. I'm not sure it's all that unhealthy, unless you are experiencing some negative effects.

I think you just need to find a new Mark Andrews to piss you off!

Simply sounds like this is your Muse.

Using personal experience and information I'll explain my thoughts

Artists whatever genre hip hop, rnb, country, soul, jazz e.t.c make music and write lyrics about what they know and what resonates to them and they try to do this in a way that is appealing ot their fans.

Essentially their Muse comes from their experiences in life which can be subdivided into other various things:

family
good events
Tragic events
Loved ones
Girls
Motivation for a better life
Drugs
etc

In your case it just seems your Muse is anger e.g Eminem and as soon as that Muse isn't there you need it to get right back on the horse and do what your best at.

I knew this guy in school who made awesome comic books based on everyday stuff he was dealing with in school most of it was based off the pissed off perspective but the imagery metaphors personification and overall delivery were of an epic nature so much so that even the people who recognized the characters he had created them as were engrossed in knowing what happened next.

Suffice to say he soon became a popular kid, but just like you he drew inspiration from a similar source and channeled it into his art.

You can try using Hypnosis to find a more efficient way of doing things. Having a bunch of negative feelings/thoughts won't do you any good in the long run.

Antonio

Edit: I recall some university research on this issue. The brain ties in memory and skills with whatever the mental state is when they are learned. A student who studies when calm, loses access to memories when they are not calm ( during the exam ).

While not a total explanation, I'd put money on it, you've wired your intuitive writing skills into angry mental states. Without them, you don't have clear access.





When you get that fired up feeling, observe it. Pause and really notice how it feels in the body for a minute. Then ask yourself, in writing, why does [insert whatever triggered it] make me feel this way? Keep asking yourself why. At least 3 times but more is better.

Do not filter it. Just let it pour out as you would for writing an ad.

You'll be interested by what comes out.

I note that most people addressed the anger that you brought up. The thing that stands out for me is the obsession angle, instead.

(Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with anger as long as it isn't reflected in your actions toward others. Other than that - what you feel is what you feel; lots of stuff you can learn about yourself by examining it, but it doesn't have any meaning until you assign one to it. Just FTR, I know several people that operate best/are most productive when angry; damn good people all. Just happens to be their M.O.)

As to the obsession - well, that's kinda the definition of emotion affecting actions in a bad way, innit? Sucks big-time. I know all about it. But I beat mine. Haven't had a problem with it for years now.

Here's what worked for me. I don't know if it will work for you, but you get my best wishes alongside the advice; the stuff seriously sucks, and being free of it makes a huge difference in life quality. Ready? Here goes:

LISTEN. When you catch it happening - and learning to catch it early took me some practice - STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING, and listen. I treated that process, and what I heard back from it, as the most important thing in life - because I wanted my life back.

What I got, after a while of that, was a quiet, desperate voice - my own, a much younger me - that told me what I really wanted, deep inside, but wasn't getting; the deep needs of my own that I had abandoned in order to chase after those Adult Goals.

Most of all, that part of me just wanted to be heard, and cared for. It didn't want to be forgotten, or abandoned.

So... maybe I'm just a crazy man who talks to himself. But one thing for sure: this crazy man doesn't obsess any more.

Best of luck.


Ben

OCD?

(Obsessive Compulsive Behavior)

I have a similar condition - I must consume information. I can't walk down the street without listening to an audio-book. On the computer I must watch YouTube videos, on the TV I must watch a show.

My mind must be 100% active or I'm anxious.

What helps me?

For example, I'm now listening to "The Swan Lake" and I'm loving it. It's calming my mind down

Maybe you should learn to relax.. meditate, take a spliff, walk a dog.. or find something you can exert your anger into.. sports, keep fit, or get a welder and create some mad art..

Just my 2c

The reason you need to get angry to get your creative juices flowing is;

because you've created a deep neural path, a trench of excitation which stimulates your brain and fires off other areas of your brain where the creative juices flow.

Anger is your chosen stimulus (or trigger) to get fired up (literally in the brain chemistry).

This neural path is so deep, it is like the Panama Canal compared to the Erie Canal of your non obsessive thoughts.

It may have been created in your childhood, or you have built a habit of using this trigger.

All of us have someone who "pushes our buttons" or triggers our anger, and it is pretty easy to get them in mind. Most of the time we do not dwell on this person or we have learned how to ignore or reframe our feelings.

As Marcia pointed out, there are those who use this emotional trigger to get creative. If it works for you, then learn to use it.

As for automatic TRIGGERS, like Mark Andrews or Paul Walker, if you take the time to understand exactly HOW these are created and developed into deeper neural pathways (so they are more easily accessible)...

And if you want to modify this reactive behavior, then here is a tool to help you out.

OK Bob, let's get started.

And if you or anyone wants to discover the why's and how's of life, the complete set of PictoGrigms can be found at Speaking of hidden treasure, it is time to mine the SQ1 again...

The first link is to the overall picto-gram which explains it all...if you will take the time to look and to THINK.

We see the brain is stimulated by both internal and external stimuli.

When you read some "idiot's" post here, you process this through your own filters, and it triggers off your most familiar reactive path...in your case, anger.

The SQ1 shows how to change if you really want to, or in most cases how we can accept our self-created responses.

When you think in Stimulus-Response behavior, it is easy to see we can change either one, if we want to. Getting angry may be good for your creative process, the obsession part can be worked on if it is a bother to you.

Your reaction is not unique. In fact, it is pretty common. The problem arises when we allow our reactions to distract us from being productive or it prevents us from reaching our goals.

It takes approximately 28 days to break or create a habit.

And almost all responsive behavior is a habit.

gjabiz

Think it might just be a california thing or maybe an accountant thing.

I have noticed Rick Durris is from california n goes off the deep end a lot.

Sitting round working with numbers all day probably has something to do with it too.

Carlton always talked about getting pissed before he writes copy

Do whatever it takes to git done!

In the "Money and Power" interview with Bryan Kumar, Allen Says may or may not reveal "intense anger" as his key motivation for his early successes.

I used to work for a guy who was very successful at what he did and he used to channel his anger for extra energy to work.

Every other word would have made a sailor blush.

I agree with the warriors who say you can use this anger to be a driving force to succeed at whatever you're doing.

If you'd like to see what I believe is the work of a brilliant marketer who channeled not only his anger, but also the anger of an entire niche perfectly into his theme, story, headline and even hook, check out your fellow warrior Michael Silvester's copy here:

=> PDF Marker - Stop Losers Sharing Your PDF Reports and Ebooks

(Just make sure there are no sailors nearby if you read it out loud)

Hi Dude, welcome to the human race! Stop being so hard on yourself! if something works, why change it? -- unless you want to....

For all the people saying, "if it's not hurting anyone, stay with it..."

You DO know what anger does, right?

It releases a cocktail of chemicals that significantly impacts on your health and well-being.

There's an absolute glut of research on this.

Anger is NOT a healthy emotion, because it releases a lot of hormones that decrease lifespan and quality of that life.

That's not to say we don't all deal with it - very few of us are "Zen" enough never to get angry.

But it is definitely a damaging state, both in the long and short terms.

-Daniel

Yeah, you have a problem. Your problem is you're too busy feeling and not busy enough working.

Get to work. The work will take care of the feelings.

- Alex

Sigh.

I've resisted a reply to this until now.

Adam, isn't it obvious?

You're a busy guy. You deal with little stuff all day. But it takes real engagement to get those synapses firing, making you feel alive... engaged... or even enraged.

So what's wrong with you?

Nothing.

You’re just passionate, that’s all.

Is that unhealthy? Hmm. Maybe. But when you’re on fire, you can come up with good stuff.

I’m not going to give you a bunch of psychobabble, like you need to “feel your chakras” or some such nonsense. But the point is the same – you might as well learn to harness it.

It’s who you are. Use it to advantage. Or not.

Just a suggestion.